For Love of Each Other

(Here's my little chunk of a man=)

So, my kids have been sick. Savannah did her time for five days about a week ago, and Weston has been diagnosed with RSV, which lasts for 5-6 weeks. So this means a lot of indoor quality time with each other...hahahaha! I love them both to death, but Savannah really needs her own jungle gym of a playground in the backyard. That girl is always in some serious need of burning off energy! I finally get to the point where I look for long drawn out car rides to make when she's sick, just so I can get her to sit still long enough to rest a little. She has discovered the miracle of the stool and now totes our bar stools around with her all over the kitchen, climbing up to observe and ask questions about everything, wanting to help cook, and playing in the sink like she's washing dishes. It's a little annoying only because I turned around the other day to see three stools in my tiny cooking area, but mostly I enjoy having her captivated by what I'm doing and learning all the while.
Visiting the ATL Aquarium...Joey's fabulous picture taking skills!

(Weston had his first ride in the stroller facing forward! He was enthralled.)

Weston...well, we have come to discover he is one chill, happy little man. Or I should say, one chill, chunk of a little man...he's huge! He weighed 18 pounds at his 4-month appointment on Thursday! Geez! Meema bought him some 12-month sleepers the other day, and they fit! Goodness gracious. But he's perfectly happy to self-entertain himself for hours. Can't tell you how many times I've stopped Savannah from making her eighteenth-thousand mess, only to remember I do have another child sitting around somewhere (usually in his jumpy seat). I go to check on him, and he's literally bouncing around happy as a clam or staring at the television. Yes, the boy already knows how to watch television with that "I'm thinking about nothing" look on his face. Sigh...THAT is one manly attribute I do envy--the ability to think about nothing=)
( This pic is kinda old--he no longer needs the pillow under his feet, and he is a jumping fool!)

Savannahisms: She poured a whole bottle of hand sanitizer out the other day and proceeded to give herself a bath in it. I didn't realize she had done this until I went to change her diaper, and her clothes and belly were all slimy. Irritated and concerned, I start to say something to her, but she catches the look on my face, and before I can say anything, she responds, "No worry mommy. Is jus sope. I ok. Not in trubble." Well, she's right to some degree...how exactly do you respond to that?
Baking Christmas goodies for the neighbors...she had so much fun rolling out gingerbread cookies=)

By the way, her Sunday school teachers informed us last Sunday that she is the only one in her class speaking in full sentences, telling everyone what to do of course. She is such a rascal!

Tonight in the bathtub, I was giving them a bath together since Joey was in class. Giving them a bath together is not the easiest thing to accomplish since Weston can't sit up yet, but it's easier than trying to keep Savannah out of trouble while giving Weston a bath by himself. Anyway, near the end of the bath, I sat Weston up to wash his back before getting him out. His eyes focused on Savannah sitting right in front of him, and his face lit up like a cherub. He was so excited to see her and be sitting face to face with her! I told Savannah, "Look, Weston is smiling at you!" She got this sweet, excited look on her face and said, "Hey brudder! Hey Wesson! Talka to me!" Wherein, Weston responded with laughter, which I LOVE! Baby laughter is so precious, but I must say, my heart warmed all over watching the two of them interact like this. They interacted, laughing and smiling, for a good five minutes before the spell was broken, and I needed to get him dressed. I will forever treasure that first real brother and sister moment in my memory. Christmas in Macon...all her cousins finally together for a picture=) So sweet=) Savannah LOVES playing with her cousins. Funny moments from the weekend: Apparently, Savannah was about to play with something of Drew's. From across the room, Drew yells, "No Banna, mine!" In total abandonment, Savannah throws herself on top of said item, belly down, arms and legs out in a complete sprawl over the item and yells, "No Drew! Mine, mine, mine!" Sigh...sharing is such a hard life lesson.

Not so funny later on, Drew almost bites her thumb off. After accepting the consequences duly handed out by his parents, he tries to come back in and make friends with Savannah again. She completely ignores him for a while. At one point he tries to sit by her in a chair, but she spreads both legs and arms out completely denying him any space to sit near her in the chair, pouting her bottom lip and staring him down the entire time. He gives up. She immediately, graciously scoots over to allow her cousin Ansleigh to sit beside her in the chair. I guess forgiveness is the next character aspect we'll have to work on.

I Run: Lesson Two

So, tonight I went running in the mist. Mist is deceiving. It didn't look like it would be hard, but after the first lap around the neighborhood, my lungs and my clothing were beginning to feel the weight of the water that was accumulating. Hmmm...I could do a whole blog on just these spiritual implications, but this was not what God spoke this evening. You see, this was a hard run. Not only was I really feeling the precipitation, but it seemed like my stomach, body, clothing--everything in general--was just heavier tonight. Ever have those days, when life is just heavier--for no particular reason--just heavier? Anyway, I knew I was capable of doing two laps around my neighborhood--2.8 miles, about 8 iPod songs, approximately 30-35 minutes. But tonight, I just wasn't feeling it. I was feeling heavy, and I REALLY wanted to give up.

Lesson Two: Listen to and obey the still small voice of the Lord. Don't second guess, don't make excuses, don't give up, like Nike says--Just do it.

Somewhere in the middle of song eight, as my breathing became labored, my vision a little blurry, I was thinking, 'This is it. My body is telling me to stop. I need to be wise and not push myself so hard.' That's when I heard the voice, "Keep going through song 9. I will get you through song 9." What! I wasn't even to the end of song 8 yet! I mean, I was hurting, out of breath, making the turn to go up a long, gradual slope. No way! I was delusional, I needed to stop before Joey had to get in the car and come find me passed out on the side of the road in the dark in the mist. But no, the voice was firm, "You can make it through song 9. Don't stop."

So I didn't stop. I fought the cramp creeping into my side. I slowed my pace, controlled my breathing, and gritted my teeth. I wasn't finished with song 8 yet, and the uphill slope still lay ahead. Song 9 came on--"Romans" by Jennifer Knapp. I couldn't believe it. Not only was this song only about 3 minutes long instead of the average 4 minutes, but it has a slower, slightly perky beat with an upbeat, understated message about God being in control. First lines of the song: "Just when I think I got it / It's gone. When I think I know the answer / And I dare to raise my hand / it's gone." How fitting.

I mean after almost eight weeks of running, I guess I was starting to feel like I had this whole running thing down pat. I little pride probably did begin to sink in. All it took was a little mist to bring me to my breaking point. The good news--all it took was a little obedience to get me right back into the game. Humbled back right where I need to be, and in awe of a God that once again cares about the songs on my iPod.

I'm telling you, the moment that song 9 began to play, my whole body responded differently. I felt myself catch my breath, no longer winded. I felt a spring in my step, no longer heavy and labored. I almost felt like I could run forever as I rounded the crest of my uphill slope and kept going...because even though the top of that hill was my goal, God had said He would get me through song 9. I would be a fool not to follow through at this point.

The moral of this story? When God speaks, you must obey. It wasn't easy, and it really wasn't what I wanted to do at all in the moment He spoke. I mean, I still had to run two more minutes of song 8 before song 9 even began to play. Sometimes God gives us a word from Him right in the middle of something really hard in our lives. It seems like the most inopportune time for Him to be giving you instructions. Maybe you're thinking, 'There's no way I can handle one more responsibility, one more thing on my to-do list.' I'm just hear to say, at that point, you have two choices. Obey or disobey. Keep going, buckle down, and grit out your current circumstances until song 9 begins to play, then when it does, keep going still. Or...disobey. Stop running, don't meet your potential, don't give God a chance to come through for you, and most likely you'll be right back where you started when you first started running--sore, aching, out of breath. Only now, you feel like a failure, AND you missed out on seeing God work in your life. When put like that, the hardship of obeying sounds a lot easier, actually, at least in the long run.

Plus, just look what I got to experience once song 9 started! A fresh wind, renewed strength, joy in my step, and the experience of running farther than I had run before. I ended up having nothing to lose--like consciousness, like I originally thought---and gained so much more, like energy and a humbleness in the provision of my God. I gained trust in my Lord, a childlike faith that He will provide for my needs, but I must obey. The other choice just really isn't much of one at all.

The challenge: Identify the small voice in your life. What is God telling you to do? In what area(s) is He requiring obedience? Choose to obey, then let me know what good God brings about in your life, even if it's only something small. Any good is better than the consequences of disobedience. "Trust and obey / there is no other way / to be happy in Jesus / but to trust and obey."

I Run: Lesson One

So, I'm running twenty-eight minutes now in my training schedule. Kinda hard to believe, I know. It's been what? Six weeks since I started? I'm not even sure where to begin trying to explain or put into words all that God is teaching me. Every time I come home from a run, I have to take another quick jog to my computer just to jot down more lessons and thoughts that He's given me on what seems like a never-ending list.

Lesson one, though, is the thought I consistently have most often. You've heard it before, but let me see if I can expound. Lesson number one: God always provides exactly what you need--always--especially, in the greatest moment of your need.

For example, when I run, I time myself by songs on my iPod. Keeping a running addition of the song times in my head is just one more thing I can focus my attention on other than the pain=) Now, the playlist I listen to is titled "WorkOut Music" and is a compilation of any and all music I've purchased that is upbeat, inspiring, or dance-able. I am a fan of all music genres, so this playlist includes upbeat music from Christian, rock, alternative, techno, country, and pop music, and since the music plays in random order, I never really know what I'm going to be listening to next.

It never ceases to amaze me, the music that God chooses for my runs. Once, I went running in the rain, and right at the hardest point of my run, the song "Praise You In The Storm" by Casting Crowns plays over my earphones. Talk about encouragement to keep going! God always seems to provide slower pace or fun songs when I need to settle into my run and persevere, then He never ceases to provide high-energy, pavement pounders for those last five minutes when you just think your lungs are going to explode and your legs fall off.

Then there was Thanksgiving. You see I had to take a break from my running schedule for three whole days because I was sick the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of Thanksgiving--convenient right? No exercise and LOTS of food, so I was really worried I wouldn't be able to pick up with my 22 minute run after three days off. I wish I could name all the songs that played in a row that Saturday! It was one inspirational Christian song after another. Right when I felt I couldn't make it another step, a Toby Mac jam would begin to play, and I would feel my body keep pace. Not only did I run the whole 22 minutes that Saturday, but I crushed a huge hill right at the end of my workout as well, and I don't remember the song, but I do remember feeling this rush of praise, as I opened my arms wide at the end of that run, and sang aloud to the music for the whole world to hear. I didn't care...God had given me a music line-up that called for nothing less than pure praise and exhilaration.

Such a little thing--songs on an iPod--why would God care? Because He cares about me, and He teaches me in this that He will provide exactly what I need in my greatest moment of need.

Now this is Christian teaching 101. This is the lesson that every pastor, preacher, teacher, and evangelist tries to get across to the saved and the lost alike. That God never fails you. He is always there, and He's on your side, cheering for you. All you have to do is take that first step of faith, right?

Well, as simple as this sounds, the problem comes in that it is so hard to believe, much less actually live like you believe it. Honestly, I'm not sure there are many areas in my life where I personally challenge myself enough to see if this is true. Because, you see, in order for God to provide for you, you have to be willing to put yourself in the position to actually need something. Now, let's be honest, in this everything's-at-your-fingertips society we live in called the Great USA, how many of us actually really need anything? And if you get away from the physical, and start talking spiritual, how many of us actually challenge ourselves outside of the comfort of Sunday morning, Christian music, and Bible studies to really put feet and hands to God's Word? How many of us tell ourselves that inviting our next door neighbor to church would be awkward or weird or an intrusion into their lives? I do. Something so simple, and yet I'm afraid that God can't meet my need to not be rejected. That even if I am rejected or condemned, do I really believe God can't meet me in that moment and fill the void with His peace and comfort? Something so simple people! I ask you again, do you ever really put yourself in a position to need?

On top of that, how many of us are in a position of greatest need? I define this as the point you reach where you have lost or are enable or believe you have lost or believe you are enable to have or take control of the situation. Complete loss of control means there's no one else available to step in except for God. I could go on, but I'm feeling this is a good stopping point. Maybe God will give me more examples to expound upon "greatest need" in another run.

So I leave you with this...what can you do today to put yourself in God's hands and let Him provide for your needs? Now I'm not talking about something you feel you need. For most of us, our view of our needs is very basic, carnal, and fleshly compared to God's view of our needs. You see, His goal is to get us into an intimate relationship with Him, so He is more concerned with our character, you know the inner you...the person on the inside that most of us are too afraid to show to the outside world? That is the person in us that needs God the most. The you on the inside is the you God wants to show to the outside--that's the you that will impact this world for Christ. The problem is, at least for me, that my inner me is WAY needier than my outer me. Just the idea of making the inner me vulnerable to the opinions of those around me scares me to death. So ultimately what do I do? Truthfully? What do you do? We hide the real us, which basically means we don't trust God to meet our needs of acceptance, strength, encouragement, whatever. We are still making the outside us fit what we think the world wants to see instead of being the inside us who God called us to be. Sad really--how many of us live in a cage most of us don't even realize we've created. Heck...99% of the time, I don't realize I keep myself locked in this cage...and I'm the one God has called to write this blog!

So the challenge: 1) I run. You need to find something in your life to do that will make you think, make you work, and put you in a place of true inner need. That's where you will find the inner child that is so mailable and teachable--the place where you and God can be so tender together.

What can you start doing today? Anything at all! Even if it's setting your mind to waking up at a certain time EVERY day or completing a specific task EVERY day. Pick something that maybe you've really wanted to do for yourself for a long time...something that will have long term benefits. For some it might be brushing your teeth...hahaha...I jest, but some of you out there are terrified of the dentist for this very reason:) Take the first step, then watch because God will show up...in ways you were least expecting. So tell me, what have you decided to do every day, trusting God that He will meet you in this activity?

Odds and Ends

Let's see...November has flown by! Between Joey's school and my training, all the hours in a day seemed to be filled, and one day just runs right into the next...in a good way though=)

We did make time to getaway, just the two of us, for a weekend to Banning Mills in Whitesburg, GA. I LOVE this place! It's like being in the North GA mountains when you're really just in the middle of nowhere somewhere between Newnan and Carrollton. It was wonderful to sleep as long as we wanted to in the morning, have all our meals prepared for us, and to complete the short zip-line course. I haven't been on a zip-line since middle school at Berry College, and these lines made those look like child's play. Banning Mills boasts the highest, longest, fastest zip-line course in the southeast. We didn't do the long course, but the few lines we completed were enough to take your breath away. I look forward to another getaway when we can complete the long course. Thank you to my mom and dad and Joey's parents for stepping in to help us with the kids. It was a much needed refreshment, and perfect timing before we got into the busy holiday season. (This is a view of one of the catwalks you had to do to get in between zip lines.)

(This is a shot of a zipliner=) It's hard to capture in a picture just how high and just how amazing this is! Oldest person to do this course: 86! That's my goal someday=) )

Savannahism: She took a hat I had been wearing, put it on backwards and covering her face, then proceeded to say, "Look, mommy. Sa-annah silly!" Love this girl=)

(Oh, how we love mommy's iPod!)

The next weekend after our getaway, Joey took off for a three day trip, two of which were spent hiking part of the Appalachian Trail in North Carolina up Mount Lacont. He went with his dad, and I was relieved they both made it up and down safely. As you can see, they hiked with full packs and spent the night in the lodge at the top that was really only one step above a tent. They made some good memories, and I was glad to have them back home safe.

But while they were gone, Patti was gracious enough to come join me in the ATL to help watch my kiddos while I had a girl's night....to sEE NEW MOON!!! Whoo-hoo! Loved every minute of this movie. I am definitely a Twilight junky=) I'm still Team Edward, but Jacob (Taylor Lautner) was definitely bringing the hotness factor. I will definitely look forward to seeing this one again and again with whoever wants to go. And no, it's NOT about the hot guys (although that's a plus), REAL Twilight fans are addicted to the story behind the hotness....read the books before you see the movies to truly appreciate. Favorite Moment: Watching Jacob morph into a werewolf off the back porch to defend Bella. Cheesiest Moment: Definitely Alice's flash forward to when (SPOILER ALERT!!! to those that want to read the books!!!!) Bella becomes a vampire. #1 Chris Pattinson (Edward) does not need to be seen running through the forest like a goof, and #2 Bella does NOT wear a dress that looks like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz in the book--she definitely needs to be in some form of slinky lingerie or slutty prom dress when that vision comes true in the Breaking Dawn movie.

Thanksgiving was a long weekend for us, spending three and a half days in Macon with Joey's parents. We loved every moment of amazing food, good fellowship, then so much fun with the kids as Savannah's cousins joined us to make a housefull on Saturday. Despite the craziness of five kids, I love every moment of watching them all interact. I don't have any pictures to share 'cause I'm still waiting on Patti to Snapfish them to me...we forgot our camera, but she has some great ones of all the cousins=) I'll post those seperately some other time.

Savannahism: We took the Sunday afternoon after Thanksgiving to head out and pick out our Christmas tree from a local lot. After we got home, and set the tree up and began pulling out Christmas decorations, Savannah, enamored by all the joy of the preparations, declares at one point, "Cahrismas! OH, Happy Day!" Then again, after waking up from her nap the other day and finding I had put up more decorations, she declared when coming around the corner, "Oh, more Cahrismas mommy! Yay!" I love that she is already experiencing the joy and wonder of Christmas like all children should. This is going to be a really fun Christmas with her=)

Weston is well...I feel like I don't talk about him much, but at this stage there's not much to tell. I think I will start him on cereal next week because his spitting up is making him miserable and makes for too much laundry on my end. Pray that he takes to this well, and that this will help solve some of his difficulties with taking a nap and just getting to sleep in general. On a positive note, we now do bath at 6:15pm, he's in bed at or shortly before 7pm, and doesn't wake up until 7am the next morning! Yay! Lovin' that good night's sleep. Thank you Lord! (I love this little half smile...it just speaks volumes of his personality.)

It Happened...AGAIN!!!!!=(

So, let me begin at the beginning...hang with me, I promise every word of this will entertain you=)

I'm not sure when my neurotic fear of snakes began to develop, but my earliest memories come from living back home on Paul's Way with our very woodsy backyard. I remember the day my dog Princess was fervently slinging her head back and forth, playing with a stick. I go to grab the stick out of her mouth to throw it for her, and low and behold, the "stick" wraps around my leg mid-sling. I proceed to head straight to the top of our old-school swingset, where I clung for dear life at the metal corner post screaming and crying at the top of my lungs for help because Princess, being the excellent dog she was, had decided to follow me to the swingset and was continuing to shake the snake to death right underneath me. My parents soon rescued me--I might have been five when this happened?--and to this day, I can still feel that snake wrap around my leg when I recall this story.

It seems like after that earliest memory, everthing snake, particulary black snakes began to creep me out. I remember looking out the back windows of our house at the blueberry bushes our neighbors grew next door and being petrified to go outside because they placed fake snakes in the top of the bushes to scare the birds away. It didn't help that when my littlest brother, Mark, became old enough to go through his snake-fetish phase that all boys must, he thought it was hilarious to place his black rubber snake under my pillow or in the bottom of my bed, so that I would inevitably scream and cry and try to beat him up. He was always a glutton for punishment. I finally got so mad one time, that I took the snake out to the garbage can and proceeded to cut it into itsy-bity rubber pieces while he cried and begged me to stop. Needless to say, I was fifteen when he started doing this and some permanent damage was done.

So when exactly the dreams began is hard to pinpoint. I'm almost certain they began in high school because I can remember nights where I woke up in cold sweats, scared to death staring at my bed from across the room, or my doorway, or from the top of my desk chair. I never remembered how I got there or why, but I do know it happened. It was only after I got married and that the stories began to emerge because now Joey was there first hand to experience them.

The first one occurred within our first or second week of marriage. I screamed bloody-murder in the middle of the night, ripped the sheets back off the bed, as I ran to hop on top of the nearby desk chair--all the while pointing back at the bed screaming, "Snake!" Joey is freaking out, ripping the covers off the bed at 3am before he comes to his senses and realizes I was dreaming. A little disturbed, we both crawl back in bed. I fall back fast asleep, while Joey spends the rest of the night staring at the ceiling due to his adrenaline rush.

Enter Chattanooga. These dreams seemed to happen more often for whatever reason while in Chattanooga. Maybe it was being by myself more often at night, maybe being in a strange new place for the first time in my life, I don't know, but I'm amazed our town-home neighbors who shared a wall withus never called the cops in three years because the screaming has to be disturbing.

Let's see...there was one night I ran screaming up and down, back and forth down my side of the bed in my long silk nightgown. Joey tried to grab me to stop me, but only succeeded when he wripped my nightgown all the way up to my arm pit before I woke up. Then the night I ran full speed toward my closet to hide from the snake, only in my dream the closet doors were open--not so in real life. Joey was able to grab me and drag me to the floor before I hit the doors at a full run. I'm sure the huge rug burns on my knees were much better than the head injury that could have been. But the one that takes the cake, is the one I remember most vividly. In my dream, I remember being carried by my dad and brother Matthew, one on each arm, toward a pit with a wooden lid. My whole family was there, standing around the pit singing happy birthday. They opened the wooden door only to reveal an anaconda size, slithering black snake, and they were trying to throw me in the pit with it!!! (Disclaimer: I LOVE my family. I have absolutely now grounds or ideas for why I dreamed they did this to me. I will leave that to a professional to psycho analyze.) Anyway...in real life, I had sat up in bed, stiff as a board (because my arms were being held), and I was screaming at the top of my lungs, I mean screaming like my last breath was about to be taken from me--I even remember being a little hoarse later on. Joey is now awake, trying to wake me up, and he says he literally took me by both arms and shook me so hard, he was afraid to hurt me, but I was not waking up, and by now, he was simply imitating what I thought was the feeling of trying to be shoved into this pit. I struggled big time, throwing elbows and trying to get away. So, I closed both my fists, reared back, and punched as hard as I could to escape, and Joey ended up with a black eye. I woke up when he let go and shouted, turned over and went back to sleep, while he once again seethed all night long. His eye looked bad the next morning and was unfortunately very noticeable to all his employees.

It didn't happen again until soon after we had moved into our current home. I woke up one night and began running down our hallway to get away. Joey was over it by this point in our marriage. He simply soccer checked me from behind, taking my legs out from under me before I fell down the stairs. I woke up on the floor in the middle of our hall in time to turn around and see him crawl back into bed. Guess I can't blame him. After that, it really hasn't happened for a long while. Sure there have been nights here and there where I jump out of bed scared and panting, but I don't make enough noise to wake Joey up, so he doesn't even know it's happened.

The problem with these dreams is my reaction continues to take more and more of a toll on me physically and psychologically as I get older. The last instance occurred while I was in New York on our Girl's Trip. This time I was five months pregnant with Weston, and my sister-in-love, Emily, was the lucky one who had to stop me from running full throttle into my hotel door because I was simply running for the light in my dream, there was no door. She was able to stop me in the nick of time before I really hurt myself and Weston. This was the first time I woke up so terrified I thought I was going to be physically sick and vomit. Once I regained my stomach, I went to lay in bed and all I really wanted to do was sob uncontrollably, I was so freaked out. But I made myself stay calm because the adrenaline rush was causing me to have contractions, which scared me even more. An hour of slow deep breathing, and I was able to fall back to sleep. Unfortunately it was Emily who had the sleepless night this time.

So last night, it happened again! This time I was dreaming I was in a small tunnel, somewhere dark I couldn't stand up, and this huge head of a black snake was coming after me. Joey said I struggled for several minutes, tangled in the covers, so he couldn't get a hand on me before I began to dig and crawl on my hands and knees across him over the bed because remember in my dream, I couldn't stand up. He tried grabbing my arms, but the best he could do was try to keep my from face planting on the floor before I hit the ground and continued to crawl hysterically into the bathroom. By the time he turned the bathroom light on, I was awake, panting, disoriented and almost in tears on the bathroom floor. He left me there to go back to bed while I hesitantly slipped back under my covers, fighting off pictures in my head of the dream, hoping that when I closed my eyes again, I wouldn't be back in the same place. My arm throbbed so badly from my shoulder to my elbow--I mean it hurt to the point where I cried a little. Joey can only figure I must have landed on it wrong when I scrambled off his side of the bed. Needless to say....I think I need help.

I no longer can even set foot in the snake house at the zoo. Snakes on a Plane TV commercials give me the willies and can send me over the edge. Discovery channels must be carefully, quickly screened before I sit and watch them, and the idea of running across snakes in the woods petrifies me to the point where I'm almost afraid to go hiking anymore, and this is one of my all time favorite things to do! I want to get over this phobia, but I'm really not sure how. It won't be long before Weston enters his boyish snake-fetish phase, and I seriously don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want my children to inherit this same irrational fear, but I'm not sure I can stay composed in front of them in the presence of a snake. Any suggestions would be helpful and much appreciated, but in the meantime, maybe you at least enjoyed this snapshot into our lives. Fun times at the Durham house=)

I Run

So, let me preface this post by emphatically and persistently insisting that I in no physical or mental capacity am a runner. I have always hated running. My body is a bit sturdier than most, and I definitely weigh more than I look, so I don't exactly skim, lightly across the ground. It's more like a slow--probably painful to watch--plod of a jog. There is nothing lean, slender, or fast about my appearance or my performance. I hate every moment of the labor that goes into propelling yourself across the ground. I am a swimmer, so running literally makes me feel like a fish out of water. Actually, I think if you imagine a fish trying to run out of water, you get the perfect picture of how I am feeling.

So why do it? Well, there is a lesson in life that so many young adults and teenagers need to learn. A lesson that I only really grasped when I began to run. There are some things in life you do not because you like or want to do them, but because it's what is best or right for you to do, and unfortunately, these are the things you usually must always work the hardest at accomplishing.

Not everything in life is instant and microwaveable. As a matter of fact, the things you HAVE to do or NEED to do are often the very things, that in the end, after hours of sweat-rendering labor and emotional pain, you end up thoroughly enjoying the most because you are personally invested. A piece of yourself is in the outcome, the product. Your satisfaction and pride is justified and well-deserved at this point. So many people these days are unfulfilled and dissatisfied with their lives or uncertain because they are afraid to personally and physically invest themselves this deeply into anything. They see the risk of failure or disappointment as not worth the effort, but sadly this means they will never know the joy and fulfillment that only comes on the other side of doing something wholeheartedly, dotting every "i" and crossing every "t", leaving no stone unturned, and every other expression that means to complete a task thoroughly and to complete it well.

Now, that being said, I am fortunate that God blessed me with a personality that enjoys setting and completing a goal. I hate to run, but I love the discipline of a training workout that slowly, ever so slowly, builds you up to race day. I hate the air of anticipation and nervousness on race day because I am probably the only one running (NOT racing) to simply finish. I am not there to beat the clock or someone else. When it comes to running, competition is NOT a driving force. The goal is to finish, and to finish strong, not begging for an oxygen tank or IV fluids at the end.

On a more practical level, I run because it's what I have time to do. I don't have to leave my house and go to the gym or the pool or somewhere to take an exercise class; therefore, I can run on my own schedule from my own home in any amount of time I can squeeze in. Sometimes this means running at 6am or 2pm or 4pm or most often 8pm, but the point is, running is accessible anywhere I go anytime. The ability to run and get my exercise in for the day travels with me wherever I choose to roam--on a visit to Macon, or Florida, or Arizona, or even to my mom's house in another neighborhood. No matter where I go, I can never give myself the excuse, "Well, I just won't be able to make it to the gym today. Oh well."

Running is also the only thing I have ever done, health-wise, that gives you immediate results. Now, I'm not talking about weight. I've vowed not to look at a scale until I've been working out and watching my diet for at least a year. However, with running, I literally see my stamina increase every day. For example, I started by running for only five minutes the first three days or two iPod songs=) Day one, I was huffing and puffing after thirty seconds. Day two after sixty seconds, and by day three, I was running through two songs without feeling like I was going to die. Now, that's pretty instant results if you ask me. Did I lose any weight in three days? Absolutely not! But I started sleeping deeper at night, having more energy during the day, and now I'm on week three and looking forward to pushing myself to run 18 minutes tonight. It took me three weeks to work up to 18 minutes, but every day I saw results in the amount of time I was capable of running without being winded. Now that is encouraging. When you can see the progress, no matter how small, it's worth every moment--or my case, minute--of pain you had to put into the process. And by February, I will be marveling that it took 3 months to build up to 3 miles, but when I cross the finish line of that 5K, the exuberance of accomplishment and joy of just finishing the task cannot be explained. I challenge anyone to try it for yourself=)

So...I run. And God teaches me something through my training every plodding step of the way. He reveals different lessons about life and how He works. It never ceases to amaze me that God can use any circumstance in our lives to teach us about His ways, His character, and how He wants us to live. He wants to commune with us so badly, and He wants us to really know Him so much more. Jesus used parables to speak to the people for a reason. He used what they knew to help explain how He worked...to help them better understand. I feel in my life right now, the process of running is just one big parable He's using to speak into my life. I'm looking forward to sharing these ideas with you over the next months of my running journey=) Sorry to leave you hanging, but I think I've written enough for one blog. Don't you? =)

Home Is....

To me, home is family, and I use the word family in every sense of the meaning: my nuclear, immediate, and extended.

Home is watching my daughter kiss her baby brother on the head. Home is thrilling in Weston's little chubby cheeks as he smiles from ear to ear at recognizing my face. Home is curling up to watch your favorite TV shows in bed with one puppy curled behind your legs and the other curled up in the crook of your lap. Home is waking up at 6am in the morning only to roll over and spoon with the man you want to spend every morning with for the rest of your life.

Home is Christmas Eve or birthday parties or family vacation or anytime we can get all my brothers and sisters and cousins together to laugh our heads off at anything and everything. Home is relishing the warmth of my parents new home and watching Savannah's granddaddy chase her around their cozy house. Home is thanking the Lord that my children's great-grandparents are still around and capable of thoroughly enjoying them and spending time with them when possible. Home is feeling so comfortable with your aunts and uncles that you enjoy every word of a quiet conversation with them about anything at all. Home is the contentment that comes from watching Savannah absolutely love playing with her cousins on Joey's side of the family. Home is having parents-in-love that feel like your very own.

Home is holidays and catching up with second cousins and aunts and uncles you rarely see and hugging the necks of extended family you love not because you know them all that well, but because they are family, and that means something. Home is attending Bible studies, baby showers, and gatherings at the park with friends. Home is feeling wrapped in warmth when you sit through your Sunday morning church service even though you may not see a single face you know personally, but the air of community and fellowship you feel is the signpost of home.

Home is family. Nothing more and nothing less. I love my home.

.....

Jamie's friend, Elizabeth, had the idea to do a "blog carnival" and got a group of friends together to write about HOME today. Check out her blog here, along with other posts (at the bottom) by others on what home means to them.

Too Many Thoughts

I have so much I want to share...my mind is too cluttered to write...I actually just deleted a five paragraph rant because my brain couldn't figure out how to express what I've been feeling lately. (Deep breath...sigh...) So, I will simply give you some pictures to enjoy, write some snippets here and there, and be back when God clears up what He wants me to say=) Enjoy!These are from our day trip to Dahlonega. Could Savannah be any cuter? I tell you, I'm pretty sure I'm biased, but there is just something about this little girl, a spark, a spirit, a something that just endears you to her. I have a sneaky suspicion we are in for some VERY social middle and high school days with this one. Latest Savannahism: We were in the car on our way home. I turn on my praise music CD and start to sing along, really enjoying myself. From the backseat, "Mommy, no sing! No sing, Mommy." "Ok, Savannah. Then you sing." A few seconds of silence passes. I look in my rear view mirror to see her little hand raised in the air, "Praise the Yord! Praise is nane. God!" And she continues this in the sweetest, sing-songy voice. My heart could have burst in wonder. Oh praise Him for the God-shaped hole we have from the time of our birth. Even a two year old knows how much she needs Him without really understanding who He is yet.

...

She is really starting to play with her dolls now too. It's so much fun to watch her burp, rock, feed, wrap, and change her baby doll. Sometimes I peek in on her in her bed to watch her sitting there reading a book to the baby doll in her lap. My favorite is when she sings songs to her baby. "Jesus Loves Me", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", and the "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord" songs are her favorites.Weston is really coming into his own lately. Even though he was vaccinated for six different things last Tuesday, including Whooping Cough, then came down with Whooping Cough on Thursday--awe the catch 22 of vaccinations--he still has settled into a pretty good routine, and I can't get enough of his smiley, chunky self. He definitely recognizes my face and voice now, following me across a room and giving me the sweetest smiles. I love it! As you can see, he's holding his head up good now and sleeping through the night as well. He coos and gurgles and grunts to join in on conversation, and I feel he's going to be a lot of fun. I can't believe three months has flown by so quickly! We'll be starting the transition to solid foods in only a month! Geez! I don't care for the first three months, but I wish they could just slow down for a bit once they reach three months. Some family pics below from Dahlonega. We had such a good time just being a family this day. It was the first time we really got out, enjoyed ourselves, and just felt complete...like this is what having two kids is suppose to feel like. Children are the greatest blessing and deepest joy God can give us on this earth. I don't understand people who can contemplate hurting, abusing, neglecting, abandoning, or aborting these little ones. They come straight from the mind's eye of God, from His own creation as He knits them together in our wombs. They enter this world and inherit our sinful nature, but when they are so new, so green, so untainted to the realm of sins out there, you really feel a closeness to the heart of God, the tenderness He must feel for us all. The love.

Let's see...I starting training for the Seminar 5k the first of November. I accept the fact that it will take my body at least a year to regain some semblance of my old self, but in the meantime, I know I have to work really hard to get to that one year marker. Please pray that God gives me the strength and perseverance to meet my goals for the next post-baby year. 5K in February, 10K in May, and Sprint Triathalon in August. That's what I'm hoping for anyway. I could use all the encouragement and accountability anyone cares to offer! I have many thoughts about running and being a runner--because really I'm not--but I will save all that for another post.I leave you with a Halloween pumpkin picture. We had bought a VERY large...like Joey struggled to pick it up large...pumpkin from Burt's, but lesson learned now, we left it to sit in the dirt behind our house, and when we went to pick it up to carve, the entire rotten insides fell out the bottom. Lesson: Always store pumpkins out of direct sunlight on a hard surface such as concrete. So, fifteen minutes before trick-or-treaters started showing up at our house, we carved our Chick-fil-A pumpkin. I will probably give this a go again next year just because there was more I wanted to do with the emblem that I just didn't have time to do. Love to you all!

He's Going To Hate Me...

So, I don't do this very often, and Joey is going to kill me, but I needed to write and let everyone know what an amazing husband I have!!!

....

Reason One: He believes in "push" presents=) Now, this is kinda a new fad these days...to reward your wife with a present in the hospital after she gives birth to your child. I didn't realize until the other day, that this is actually a tradition in Joey's family, so he has not been following the trend, but keeping a tradition. Now, I may have hinted around at getting a present here or there, but I was never totally serious. Sure, any girl would love to be rewarded for nine long months of pregnancy and however many hours of painful labor, but really, pregnancy is it's own twisted blessing, so I never ever expected anything, especially anything extravagant.

Although after receiving my first pair of diamond earrings with Savannah, I was curious as to how he would top that one....enter my ring....

Yes! He totally swiped my engagement ring that had to be removed around month six because of swelling and had it reset!! The emerald diamond in the middle is my original ring, but the two diamonds on either side are a new cut called half-moon diamonds. I LOVE this!! I always wanted something to really set off my beautiful solitaire, and this is perfect and according to our jeweler, 100% original and completely unique. These were actually the only two half-moon diamonds they had in the store, then they had to create the setting to make it work. Leave it to Joey to not only go all out, but to make it one-of-a-kind as well=)

I say all this not to brag that I get bling for having kids....that's so not the point. The point is that my husband cares enough to make some sacrifices (unknown to me) in our budget and with his discretionary funds to make me feel special and valued. Not that it takes diamonds...not at all! But if you know anything about my husband, you know that when he does something that's important to him, he doesn't skimp, but usually goes overboard=) But hey, if he wants to give me diamonds, I am NOT complaining=)

Reason Two: He's an excellent father. I have been around many dads in my lifetime, and I can count on one hand the number of guys I've met that truly, openly and outwardly adore their children the way Joey does. He helps me with anything I ask him to do, and he never complains about having to spend time doing anything for or with the kids. It's nice to have someone on the same page with you in life who truly cherishes the things you cherish...in this case, every second of time that passes with our kids. We love it. He loves it, and I thank God for that every day. We may be only two years into this whole kid thing, but I think we can honestly say, we haven't missed a moment yet, made a decision we regret as far as time spent as a family is concerned, and we look forward to making the most of every moment to come.

Reason Three: He is a hard-working man who isn't afraid of a challenge (in fact, as much as he stresses, he also thrives in a challenging environment.) Not only has he been holding down the fort with all the new two-kid adjustments at home, but all the while he's been juggling the responsibilities of his store AND studying every spare moment he can grab for his Master's courses. I am SO PROUD of him for making straight A's in every course he's completed so far!!! This last one was a doozy too, with only a mid-term and a final for grades. He's officially one-fourth of the way through with a 4.0 GPA. I can't shout it loud enough how proud I am=)

(A cute picture of Weston is appropriate on any blog=)

There are a million other reasons I could sit here and spout off about my honey, but he's going to kill me for this as it is. I just think every now and then, the good men in our lives need a strong pat on the back and a good 'ole adaboy to the rest of the world...because I think anyone can attest to the fact that a good man, a truly good, righteous man, is definitely hard to find. Love you babe! Keep up the amazingness=)

Catching Up

(Game Day at the Durham House...yes, that is ESPN Game Day on the TV.)

(My new favorite picture of Weston=) Look at this big boy hold up his head! 2 month appointment: 13lbs. 3oz.--and no that's not a booger, it's his stork bite birth mark.)

So, life is slowly but surely beginning to return what is probably a new sense of normal. We have all been passing around the flu for the past three weeks, so now Weston is on the tale end of kicking it, then we should be fine until the next round of germ or virus decides to attack=) Such is winter-time with small kids.

(Ok, the cakes aren't gorgeous, but they tasted good. The big one is a vanilla pumpkin cake with caramel rum glaze...very yummy...and yes, my two-year old had rum on her birthday cake. Hahaha!)(Her birthday present from Mommy and Daddy. I wish video clips didn't take so long to upload...she is hilarious in this thing!)(The adorable outfit Aunt Lah gave her. She was running around the house in just the shoes and a diaper the day after she got them=)

Savannah's two-year old birthday didn't go as planned given she was sick as a dog, coughing her lungs out the night before her party day. But we celebrated with some in-town family anyway, and she enjoyed being the center of attention as always, even though she was the only one in the room under 29=) Hahaha! Well, I've had to give up the notion that her life would ever be anything like mine growing up, always surrounded by other kids at family events. That's not the path God has planned for her, and I'm the one having to learn to adjust...go figure. But I can say, she thoroughly enjoyed every minute of her birthday, and that's all that really matters, right?

(See...he's coming alive...and that's almost a smile=)

Weston is also slowly starting to come alive from the inanimate baby stage. He is observing the world around him with keen eyes, following people around the room, playing with facial expressions and partial smiles, --my favorite--he's even starting to coo and grunt, trying to join in on the conversation every now and then. He hasn't been crying near as much. Could be he doesn't really have reflux or at least anymore, could be he's starting to figure out his daily schedule and sleeping 8-9 hours through the night, could be he's sick and doesn't have the energy to use those lungs...in any case, it's nice to not have his shrieking grating on my nerves and conscience for the time being=)

(First trip to Burt's Pumpkin Farm.)

As far as catching up goes, well, I'm getting there. My list of errands to run dwindles. I'm starting to have more time to exercise and work on projects and spend in God's Word. Sleep is still a much needed commodity, but my body is adjusting to the lack of it for the time being. It's the whole being a mom of two thing that still takes so much work. My biggest hurdle these days: You cannot give 100% to everyone in your own household all the time. Someone is always getting the short end of the stick. It seems like every time I turn around, I can't hold Savannah when she needs me because I have to feed Weston, or I can't pick up Weston when he's crying because I'm in the middle of putting Savannah to bed, and well Joey...HA!...Joey's always getting the leftovers at the end of long days, Lord knows he gets the shortest stick of all, and well, myself..HAHAHA!...I don't even get a stick=)

But it struck me the other day, that this is just how's it's going to be. I'm not God. I can't be everywhere all at once and fulfill every need at the same time. Only He can do that. So I find myself praying more in between breaths and every activity, praying that God will be sufficient for not just me, but the rest of my family. That He will fill in the holes I can't fill, and mostly that He will fill my life as needed because in the midst of taking care of everyone else around me, I'm horrible at taking care of myself. So as far as catching up goes, I don't think I can catch up at this point. The only thing I, in my fleshly self, can hope to attain is a balance...a fine balance of who gets cheated out of what when. Makes me understand the title of Andy Stanley's book Choosing to Cheat more and more every day. So, I officially give up trying to "catch up". My new motto now is "balancing act." Let's see how God and I can work this act together=)

Enjoy the pics=) Latest Savannahism: I was getting lunch ready the other day. Savannah was waiting patiently in her booster seat, talking to herself about who knows what. She's over there fiddling with her baby doll, paying me no mind, when she hears Samson and Lila barking at something outside in the backyard. All of a sudden, her gibberish becomes very understandable: "Hush! Hush, tupid dogs, hush! Tupid dogs, hush!"

She still never acknowledged that I heard her. I blushed from embarrassment realizing that she was retaining so much more than I ever understood. When she hushed the "tupid dogs" again while we were eating, I had to apologize to her for saying "stupid" and tell her we don't need to talk like that. "Do you understand, Savannah?" "Uh, huh, mommy." And she hasn't said it since. Oh, be careful big mouths what you say 'cause the little ears are listening. (Weston leaves you with his "What What" picture=)

Savannahisms...

I know, I write a lot about Savannah, but trust me, until Weston starts doing something other than crying, you don't want to hear a whole lot about him=) Pictures are even hard to get because I don't want to chronicle his entire life thus far with him making miserable faces...sigh...oh well...anyway...

I've started setting up the Barney DVD in my room when I'm putting Weston down for bed, so that Savannah can stay occupied without bothering me or getting in trouble. Here's where I found her after I had put him to bed yesterday....

...watching the DVD from inside the dog kennel. Samson is such a good dog=)

Also, yesterday, October 7th, 2009, was the first time Savannah told me she had to go potty, and she actually did!!!! She told me two times in a row yesterday morning, once for #2 then ten minutes later for #1. I was so proud of her! Of course she will hate me later in life for actually taking these pictures.....

....definitely future wedding photo video material=) Note also that she insisted on going on the big potty. I should have known better than to waste my money with the "play" potties. Sigh...gotta love her=)

She then spent the rest of the morning telling me she had to go potty every 5 minutes just because she thought it was a fun game now. Of course she didn't go, but I had put big girl panties on her just to let her practice, and of course, being as I still have newborn mommy brain, I forgot she only had on panties when I went to put Weston down for his morning nap. Needless to say, she went to play in her bed while I was doing this and preceded to wet her bed. Oh well, messes and laundry are apart of every day life around here....but at least she made positive progress!! Everyone keeps telling me she'll potty train on her own eventually...here's to hoping and crossing my fingers that this is a step in that direction.

We're celebrating her birthday all this week, so more pictures to come on that...latest words and phrases:

I sit down to feed Weston who takes one sip then rears back screeching. Savannah looks at me, all-knowing, cocks her head and says in all seriousness, "Probly hot Mommy." Yes....yes it was.


Riding along in the car with the radio off when I hear this in a little sing songy voice, "Yes Jesus, Yes Jesus, Bible me so." Can you name that song? =) So sweet....over and over she repeats just this part of the song. Melts my heart and gives hope that things she's hearing are really sticking. I love it that this is the first song she's ever actually tried to sing.

So...

(Weston at the beginning of the month...)

Well, much has been happening in the the Durham household since August 12th, hence my inability to sit at a computer for any length of time=( I miss blogging, but it will come in time, so for now, I will settle for a quick update and some fun pics for you to enjoy.

(Mommy's little helper...putting socks back on that she took off=)

I am doing fine. I struggled this past six weeks with the decision of quitting breastfeeding AGAIN. I don't know why this decision bothers me so much on some level. I struggle so much with feelings of guilt and being a bad mother, not being super-mom or some nonsense like that. Anyway, the bottom line and truth is: I am a better mother when I bottle feed. I get more rest. I feel more relaxed being able to see and control the amount of food my child is receiving. I am able to travel more freely and more often, and I don't have a child clinging to me ALL the time!

(Brother's rarely happy, but we're still holding out hope=)

In the past few days, I've been reflecting on that last reason. Joey and I discovered after my first pregnancy that I go into a mode known as "touch overload." Now, if you are familiar with the Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley, you will know what I'm talking about. The love language of "physical touch" doesn't even register on my scale of love languages. It's so far removed from me, I don't even care to acknowledge it as one=) However, as God would see fit to grow us all, Joey's #1 love language is physical touch. Sigh...God does have a sense of humor...I digress...

(Never happier than when there's a cell phone in hand!)

Anyhoo...so when I am breastfeeding, my "touch" monitor is off the charts, to the point where I can't hardly stand for anyone else, including my poor needs-touch husband, to even hug me...seriously. The thought of someone else hugging me (during the six weeks I'm breastfeeding) literally makes me cringe. It's all I can do not to physically grimace when Joey gives me a kiss on the cheek during this phase. We learned from the first pregnancy, so this time around, Joey actually would ask permission to hug or kiss me...Yikes! And the worst part...there were times I said NO! Needless to say, in hindsight, I think that reason alone is good enough for me to stop breastfeeding as soon as possible. Pumping is not a problem, but actually having a kid attached to me every other hour of the day...not to mention I still have a two year old, remember?...well, I am just one of those moms that needs to breastfeed for the recommended six weeks then get out as quickly as I can.

(Weston still not happy, but trying...)

That whole shpiel right there is enough to describe kinda what our household has been like these past seven weeks. I've been pumping since five weeks out when we found out Weston had reflux. After the 3am jaunt of trying to feed this arched-back screamer where he almost ripped my nipple off with his uncannily strong hands, and I almost tossed him across the room...I decided pumping was the next best option. He should be completely weaned onto formula in the next two to three weeks. (Sigh of relief!) The reflux meds seem to be working, and as you can see from the pictures, he's not suffering any weight loss! By my estimate he's almost 13 pounds at seven weeks! Unfortunately, reflux does make for an unhappy baby, hence why he looks miserable or is crying in almost every picture. Although, I'm not completely convinced that some of that is just part of his personality. Only time will tell....

(Weston at the end of the month...he's a chunker! Happy now because he's sleeping.)

We celebrated Joey's 32nd birthday with all of our family this past weekend. It was a huge get-together with both Joey's side of the family and mine. I had over 22 people in my tiny home plus four kids, so it was jam-packed, but so much fun. I loved every minute. I think Joey appreciated the time as well. It was a nice break from school which has been brutal this course, work which has been even more brutal with some tough people turnovers happening all at once, and just home life in general these days adjusting to two kids, a crying infant, and a constantly worn-out wife. He really has been taking the hits from every angle...not to mention he's currently playing the insurance game with meds and shots in order to hopefully get approved for an MRI in the next month or so. Doctor thinks he may have a partially torn rotator cuff, so on top of everything else in his life, he has to live it all in pain. Geez...he is an incredible man who I respect more and more every day, and I pray daily that God will just bless his socks off through this all because he is showing incredible fortitude and faith through it all. I love him so much!

(Savannah loves Samson. He puts up with her pretty well I think.)

Savannah, of course, is our little Joy. She is something really special. She loves her little brother so much...no issues with jealousy thus far, she just wants to be held as much as possible, which we try to accommodate. "I hold you" is a phrase we can't get away from these days, but nor do we want to. My favorite thing of all that she says right now: Every time I walk into her room, no matter what I'm wearing, she smiles real big, cocks her head sideways, and says with all sincerity, "Ahhh, mommy. I yike yo dreeesss." Melts me every time=)

(See! I do have eyes...and I'm not crying! Yay! It's because I love my MiMi=)

So...the Durham household is surviving. We're alive and doing pretty well. Things continue to improve as Weston continues to stretch his night time feedings...we are currently at an 8 hour stretch. Bed time at 8pm, eats at 3-4am, eats again at 7am. Not bad. Please continue to pray for my energy, Weston's reflux and overall disposition to improve, Joey's everything, and for Savannah to stay well! God is good. I love my family!