Good Friday Tears

Easter! I love Christmas, but Easter creates a tangible joy in my spirit. But there’s no Easter without Good Friday. There’s no resurrection without death and a funeral. And not only did Jesus have to die, but He also had to die the MOST torturous, gruesome, humiliating death any human has ever faced.

Remember Good Friday. Take time to read the account of the cross. Visualize the rods with which Jesus was beaten. Visualize the faces of the people doing the beating. Try to imagine what a crown of three-inch thorns feels like being pressed into your skull. The weight of a rugged cross on the exposed skin of a whipped, flesh-stripped back. Read the story but visualize every detail. (Matthew 27:26-66, Mark 15:15-47, Luke 23:24-56, John 19:16-42)

Let yourself cry. Mourn. Today represents the day your Jesus died. For you. He did it all for you.

The wrath of God can be defined as complete separation from the attributes and presence of God. Separation from His Goodness, Mercy, Sovereignty, Love, Beauty, Peace—the list goes on and on. These attributes are on limited display at all times even in our sinful world because we are and live in God’s creation. His presence still dwells with His people. His attributes still reflected in His creation. So, we have never experienced God’s full wrath, yet. We have no inkling to encapsulate the horror and torture of that reality. Maybe the depravity of a concentration camp or the bloody hell of a Roman colosseum, but even there God made Himself known among His people.

One of the greatest mysteries our minds cannot fathom is Christ fully knowing and experiencing the separation that is the full wrath of God. When the sky darkened and the earth shook that first Good Friday, Jesus fully knew the total wrath of God. In fully taking our destined and deserved punishment, He gave us a way to choose a different destiny even though He never committed one sin to deserve ours. He is the penultimate, spotless Lamb of God.

Christ’s quest was to save us from God’s wrath, but He had to defeat Death to do it. He couldn’t just taste it and survive. He couldn’t come within an inch of His life and live to tell the story. To defeat Death, He had to surrender completely to its power then rise victorious after what looked like utter defeat.

Oh, the battle that must have raged in the belly of eternity during those days between Good Friday and Easter! Sometimes I envision heaven as an opportunity to sit and hear the best stories the universe has ever known finally retold in the light of complete truth. Better than any theatre experience we can imagine. I want to hear this story of the middle one day—the story of how death was defeated.

Until that day, I can only imagine with my limited human mind the events between burial and resurrection, and it leaves me with more questions than answers. What I do know is there is no glorious victory of Easter resurrection without the gory suffering of a Good Friday death and burial. You can’t have one without the other.

You can’t have one without the other. Yet don’t we always try?

Jesus’ children will never know God’s wrath because He made another path for them if they choose to take it. But He did not remove all forms of death from this world. Though the Source of death has been defeated, the web of roots runs deep and far throughout the fabric of our world. We will not escape its presence this side of heaven.

So, we too must face death in our daily lives. Death of loved ones, dreams, hopes, ideas, jobs, homes—death permeates our world. We can mourn those things. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). Good Friday is a day to mourn but mourn expectantly. Our mourning does have an end, a glorious, victorious, radiant, triumphant, resurrected end!

We serve a Living Victor! A Resurrected Savior! A Glorified King! A Triumphant Comforter who is able, willing, and more than qualified to wrap you in His arms and breath new life into whatever needs resurrection. So, if you still live inside a tomb, look to the Light of your Savior’s triumph, heed His voice, and walk out.

Yes, we all have the Good Fridays in our lives and in our circumstances. They are necessary. Because we cannot know the freedom of the resurrected life without them. Jesus suffered and died to give us a choice. Don’t choose to stay in your tomb. Mourn for a season. Traverse, grapple, wrestle the weird mystery of the middle between death and life. But in the end, choose Christ and live. Live abundantly and victoriously!

Today I’ll shed tears for my Jesus, His Good Friday. I’ll shed tears for my Good Fridays and those of others, but I will smile as I cry because Sunday is coming, and I’m living life on the winning team. Are you?

Live Victorious

I have my own personal theory on how old the world actually is. I know, this is not an evolutionary debate, it’s a personal theory. You see, there are things I believe we will never know until God’s timing comes to fruition. The age of the earth is one of them. Some say millions of years. Young earth creationists say 3,000-5,000 years. I believe God created Adam with age, so why couldn’t He create the earth with age also? Does it really matter? I don’t know. But what I have always found intriguing is we date the passage of time forward and backward from 1 BC (Before Christ) to 1 AD. Anno Domini. The year of our Lord. The year Christ entered humanity. The year Christ entered our timeline.

So, here’s my personal theory, I believe my God is a God of order not chaos, a God of symmetry, perfectly balanced. You see examples of this all throughout creation. So, my personal theory is:

This present, physical earth will end exactly the number of days it took to come into its fullness upon Christ’s birth. Up until His birth, it was forming and waiting and groaning for a Savior. After His birth, it has been groaning to be set free from the bondage of sin plaguing its existence, longing for the day it will rejoice with God’s children upon His triumphant return. (Romans 8:19-23)

The rocks cry out. The heavens declare the glory of God even in their sin-burdened state. Can you even begin to imagine the song creation must be capable of singing when no longer burdened? When made new and whole? (Romans 1:20, Psalm 119)

So, if the earth is 3,000 years old, maybe we are closer to Christ’s return than we think. Another 1,000 years or so? But if the earth is millions of years old, we’ve got the gift of God’s abiding grace a while longer—long enough to tell more people about Jesus, to convince more to join the winning side.

Because that’s the point. Do you think it’s coincidence all of time and history are dated based on the year of our Lord? Either BC, before Christ inhabited His creation, or AD, after He came? When God allowed Christ’s birth to be our reference point for all time—time He doesn’t actually experience, nor is He limited by—God was making a statement.

Jesus literally changes everything. For all time, for all people, for everything. His birth, life, death, and resurrection mark the beginning of the end of death itself. He defeated death. He fought, bled, died, and lives to tell about it. He won. The battle for souls and eternity has already been won. If you choose to follow Jesus, you are in the encampment of the Victor. Your eternity with Him is secure. Death has no claim on your life anymore. (Hebrews 2:14, 1 Corinthians 15:54-57)

I want to live victorious. I desire to shine from the inside out with the glory of Jesus’ victory, with the joy of His triumph, with the hope of eternity with Him. My natural temperament is to be consumed by the hurt and burden of the lost, broken, and grief-stricken. My heart aches for those drowning in the dark sea of lies where I have almost drowned before as well. I see our world rejecting Jesus and His ways, and my heart screams, “Stop!!!! Wait!!! Come back! Go back!! Return!” I see our world hurtling toward the cliff of their own creation, an abyss into hell of their own choosing.

But no one hears anymore. Everyone is too busy shouting over everyone else. What can I do?

I can live victoriously, in my own life, within my own six feet of influence. I can choose to look up and focus unwaveringly on Christ (Hebrews 12:2). I can choose to study His words, knowing them so well they are ready on my lips to give an answer to anyone who asks (1 Peter 3:15). I can teach them to my children and build their foundation in the Lord strong and unwavering, so they know how to do the same for the next generation (Deuteronomy 18:11-21). I can choose God’s standard of living as my standard of living, and though I will fall short every day, I don’t lower the standard. I ask for forgiveness and accept His grace to live another day with my eyes laser-focused on my Jesus.

And it is and will continue to be hard. But you don’t lower the standard. Victory belongs to those who persevere and hold their ground (Hebrews 10:35-39). Christ goes before His people. He advances the charge and takes the ground. We are tasked with following Him and holding the ground He takes. Remember He’s already won! We don’t have to second guess His choices or waiver in our belief. He is a sure bet.

What ground in your life have you allowed the devil to occupy that Christ has already claimed victory for you and over you? Confess, repent, cling to truth and resist the devil. He will flee, and the ground you thought you’d lost will be yours again.

What standard have you lowered that needs raising once more? The Lord is your Strength. Lean into Him. He is the one helping you hold the line, hold His standard high. Victory can be a way of life, not just an end goal.

“Lord, I want to live this life with the joy of Your victorious triumph. Help me to view my trials and difficulties as ground You’ve already conquered, and now You’re asking me to hold fast and stay true as You continue to advance Your kingdom in me and through me. May my life reflect not just Your glory, Lord, but Your victory as well. Thank You for Jesus. Thank You for sending Your Son into time to be with us and save us for all eternity.”

Christmas Letter 2015

I post this every year for those of you I may have inadvertently forgot to send our Christmas card to. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from our family to yours!  .....

Dear Family & Friends,                                                                                                                 December 2015

Well, this was our first full year as Californians, and I must say, we have lived it to the fullest. Legoland, Disneyland, San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, USS Midway, Joshua Tree National Park, Big Bear snow tubing, paddle surfing, whale watching, too many beautiful sunsets to count--from the desert, to the mountains, to the beaches, we live California.

Weston turned six in August, and in September he joined Savannah as a kindergartner at Grace Classical Academy. God answered so many years of prayers on my part by giving him the sweetest class of all boys, brothers in make-believe games and soccer battles. But September 20th marked the best news of all for us, when Weston said the prayer to accept Christ as his personal Lord and Savior in his church class. The Lord has been so kind to this doubting Mama to confirm over and over again in very clear ways the presence of the Holy Spirit in Weston's heart and life, and the change in him is undeniable. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for his tender, yet deeply understanding heart!

Savannah is still my joy and lover of life. She's taken second grade by storm, turning eight years old in October. She loves everything and everyone, and while I still pray daily for her salvation, I am grateful for all the conversations we are having now about life and faith and people. Her heart is so tender and loving and open toward others that I can't wait to see how God is going to continue to use her to draw people to Him. She is a constant source of energy and life in our family for which I am truly thankful, and I have learned she sees value in things I overlook or take for granted. God is already using her to smooth out rough edges I didn't know I had, and for that I am learning to be grateful ;)

Joey continues to love his job, and we are blessed beyond measure by both our Chick-fil-A family here in California and in the corporate office. Every year that passes, I am more and more grateful for the faithfulness of the Cathy family to have built a business based on biblical principles.

But perhaps the theme for this year, the over-arching lesson for both Joey and myself and our children has been: Do the hard thing. Not just the next thing, but the hard thing. When you’re not sure which step to take next, step in the direction that is hard to go.  God has met us down that path so many times this year.

I cannot think of a time in my life where I have more actively sought the face and will of the Lord more so than in this past year. I have sought Him in stillness and patience and quietness and long, deep pauses of life. A life not busy. A calendar not full. A day not scheduled. And if you know me, you know how hard this has actually been for me to sink into.

We have sought the Lord in the most difficult task of finding a church home, a place to belong, friends to call our own. This journey has forced us to dig deeper into God's Word and challenge what we think we know. It has been the hardest journey to discern what is best for our family at this stage of our life. The Lord was faithful to finally open some doors in October, and we find ourselves finally at peace for a season connected with some awesome people we hope become lifelong friends in a church home that preaches the truth of God's Word without watering it down or avoiding the tough issues. Just the Bible--that's all our family really needs.

In August after much prayer, we bought an RV, and have enjoyed the intentional memories it allows us to make with our children as a family, seeing the beauty of God’s creation that is all over the west coast, but that too was a hard path to choose to take. God continues to ask us to trust Him with our finances in so many areas, but I’m so grateful that every time He asks us to take a plunge of faith He meets us right where we are and provides in ways we couldn’t have foreseen.

I've prayed with so many this year, had so many conversations, read so many news and opinion articles. It has been a hard year for many, for our nation, for the world. If I’m being honest, it’s still hard. Joey and I are pressing into the Lord and into each other during this season.  We’re holding our marriage and our children up to the Lord in daily surrender, with open hands, trying not to have expectations and to let God be God. A godly marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Separating the truth from the lies inside your own head is hard.

But friends, it is also SO VERY GOOD.  Hard, but good.  Because in the midst of choosing the narrow path, the hard path, the Voice of Truth comes and fills your life with meaning and goodness and a sense of purpose and fulfillment that only comes from a Good, Loving Heavenly Father who created us, so He knows exactly what fills the longings of our souls. You find His mercies truly are new every morning that His forgiveness covers a multitude of failings, giving you the renewed joy to try again.  You find refuge in His strength and not your own.  You find peace in His plan, so far out of your control that all you can do is trust and hope and try to be obedient.  And even though the obedience is the hardest part of all, the daily moment-by-moment choice to choose the Lord and His way, it is also where some of the sweetest moments of life are experienced.

I wonder if this year has been hard for you as well.  I wonder if you have taken the easy path, the fun path, the path you think you deserve, are entitled to, the life you think you should be living. I wonder if you have nothing to show for it but regret. I’ve made that mistake this year, and I’m so grateful that every time I turn around to try and choose a different way, the Lord is faithful to place before me the same hard path I could have chosen the first time. The path He always knew would be best. I didn’t miss it. He didn’t take it away, and He was right there to walk it with me every. single. time.

So my encouragement this year is to choose the hard. For me, I have to choose to be still instead of busy. Some need to become active instead of being still. For me, I need to pray more in secret and speak less in public, hence the fewer blog posts. For some, God is calling you to speak out the truth in love instead of holding it all inside. For me, I need to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable, to get comfortable with being rubbed raw and worked on from the inside out, and that is a hard journey I am only just beginning. Some of you have been uncomfortable you’re entire life, never feeling like yourself, and God is calling you to get comfortable with Him.

Do you see what I mean?  What is hard for me may not be hard for you!  We are all so different, so wonderfully made, so perfectly created. What is the hard thing to sink into at this point in your life, as this new year approaches?  What hard path have you been avoiding that you finally need to take the hand of your Heavenly Father and just trust Him, walk with Him down that path?

The words of Jesus Himself, John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble (guaranteed). But take heart! I (Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit living inside His believers) have OVERCOME the world!" (emphasis mine) Amen, Amen, and Amen!

Praying this Christmas season you can claim victory in Jesus as we celebrate His birth as the beginning of the end of the curse of man! The best gift of all because Jesus brought salvation for us all from it all. May you live a life of victory in 2016 choosing to do the hard things with Christ, overcoming and not losing heart.

“O victory in Jesus /My Savior, forever./He sought me and bought me /With His redeeming blood; /He loved me ere I knew Him /And all my love is due Him, /He plunged me to victory, /Beneath the cleansing flood.”

 –Bartlett, E.M, “Victory in Jesus”, 1939

Grateful every day Jesus took the hard path from heaven to earth, from earth to the cross, from death to life. Grateful he gives me a choice to follow His example, but also that He chose me to follow His example.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Praying you fully embrace the abundance of good in the midst of the hard,

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston Durham

How To Be Brave

I have had so many people comment during this transition that I/we have been "so brave."  People admire my/our "bravery."  People comment that it's a very "brave thing we are doing, moving out here on faith."

And it's made me stop and consider what it means to actually be brave.  Because that is not an adjective I would ever use to describe myself.  It's not really even in the top 10.  Organized--yes.  Loyal--yes. Determined--yes.  Brave? Not so much.

I think it's because when my inner eye looks at myself in that inner mirror, I still see a tortured middle school student with a mouth full of metal braces and rubber bands trying to style her bangs into an awkward warp wall curving four inches off the top of her head held in place by an entire can of hairspray.  I see a girl with defeated self-esteem by her acne and lack of style in any arena of hair or clothing.  I see the girl that stared in the mirror all through high school trying to see what God saw, begging Him to show her. Trying to accept her sturdy-built body, Bounds legs (which are technically-speaking, small tree trunks inherited from my father's side of the family), shoulders that would rival a football players pads, and the hair--ugh.  I grew up in the '90's, people, when Rachel's (from the TV show Friends) straight thick hair was all the rage and my mess of fine, naturally curly poof wasn't making the cut.  It was more Jessie's style from Saved By the Bell, I just didn't have her tall, curvy body to pull it off.

So no, brave is not a word I have ever used to describe myself.  Ever.  Shy, unsure of my appearance at all times, socially a bit awkward (for reasons I will save for another day), and desperate for people to include me, to be my friend, to see me how God saw me because I wanted to see myself through His eyes so desperately.  Brave?  No.  Terrified at all times?  Quite possibly.

So then, I have to ask myself, 'What does it mean to be brave?'  Why do people think I'm brave now? What changed? And when did it change?  And how?

I like how my husband defines being brave.  He says whenever he thinks of what it must mean to be brave, he thinks about David and Goliath. (1 Samuel 17) He thinks about how David RAN at that giant. He didn't stand still, he definitely didn't back down, no, he ran AT Goliath. (1 Samuel 17:48)

And so I started to think about milestones in my life that have required what one might consider bravery, areas in my life where I didn't back down, I didn't run away, but I faced what was in front of me, and even welcomed the challenge--I ran at it.

There was that eighth grade camp where God had spoken to my heart that I was to come home and obey whatever my parents asked of me.  I came home to find out they wanted to home school me for high school.  Gulp.  'Ok, God. You said it.  Let's do it.'  Do you know how many home school jokes I have weathered my entire life because of that choice???

There was that moment my senior year when I experienced a terribly lonely season in life, and God called me to go on a mission trip to Ecuador with a church I had never attended and a group of people I did not know.  Complete strangers.  My first time in a foreign country.  It's still one of the most impactful events in my life.  It opened my eyes to a world outside of mine that was suffering and lost and in need of a Savior, a Savior I knew.  A Savior I too often took for granted.

There was that moment when I stepped out of my living room from watching trigonometry videos to finding my way around to classes on a college campus at Kennesaw State University.  Talk about throwing the fish into the frying pan.  I was petrified.

There was that moment in Earth Algebra 101 I realized I was the only one in the class who didn't know what a logarithm was and was completely lost on the first day of my first college math class. So I quelled the panic and marched myself directly to the tutoring lab every day after class to get help. I'd never needed help like that before in my life. The thought of failure was terrifying.

Then there was the moment I left home for  the first time ever to marry the man I love to move to Chattanooga. Tennessee.  Gulp. At the time, that was VERY far away from home. I went, but in hindsight,  I went kicking and screaming, but eventually made the best of it.

I could name countless more "moments" in my life that required what some might call bravery. Flashes-in-the-pan moments. Things at the time I felt I had no choice, no say in the matter. Things I realize now, God had prepared for me in my journey, in my process called life, to ready me for every step ahead. To ready me for where I sit now on an opposite coast, meeting complete strangers, and trying to lead two small children through the process as well. (Which, complete side note, my children are two of the bravest people I know. Everything is new for them, and they often face new Sunday class rooms, play dates, etc. alone, by themselves. I wonder what God is preparing their lives for......anyways...)

I faced all those fears and unknowns, all those "giants" head on. I might have tried to run, but I didn't.  I might have stumbled in my stance at times, but ultimately held my ground.  And every time, eventually, it took less and less prodding from my Jesus to run....run AT that giant! Attack it head on in His name. He had already equipped me for victory. (Romans 8:37; 1 Samuel 17:34-37; 1 Corinthians 15:57)

And now, today, the process, the emotions, the feelings, the personal battles I've experienced are really still the same. What's changed is my relationship with the Lord and how He's taught me to wield the weapons He's provided. My Commander in Chief hasn't changed. The weapons available to me haven't changed. His work in and through those past circumstances have changed me. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

His faithfulness has changed me. His steadfastness has taught me to trust fall into Him--eyes closed or eyes wide open, doesn't matter. He's taught me to fight. He's taught me to run at my giants with full reliance in my Mighty God. (1 Samuel 17:45-47)

And I didn't even know that's what He was doing.

My whole life He's been teaching me how to be brave, so that one day when someone says I am brave, I can honestly say, "Not me. Only God. HE makes me brave."

So maybe you don't think you're brave either. Maybe there's some other compliment you've gotten lately that you think, 'Yeah right. That's totally NOT me.' Maybe it IS you. Maybe the picture of how you see yourself needs to grow and change and blossom into the picture of how God sees you. And maybe in that moment, when you hear that compliment, you need to take two seconds and acknowledge the One who has formed you over time into a person you probably only ever dreamed of being.

And if you're the person still dreaming,  hoping you'll be a brave soldier some day, someone who's fearless, someone who conquers giants, have no fear, my friend. He's been giving you or allowed giants your whole life you probably didn't know were giants. Some of them have probably defeated you at times, which is why you keep having to face them again and again and again. Some of them you have defeated before, which is why the next time you face them they seem bigger, stronger.

The key is to remember David. No matter how small you think you may be, how insignificant, God has equipped you in your lifetime to defeat your giant. Your giants. (Ephesians 2:10; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Remember your God. Remember what He has already done for you, accomplished in you, worked through you. (Psalm 77:11) Wield your weapons of the Spirit, of the Word, of prayer. Practice with them. Spar with them.(Philippians 4:9) Take out the lions and the bears in your path, then when the giants rise up and challenge your faith, challenge the name of your Mighty God in your life, then in the name of Jesus Christ you RUN at those giants!

Can't you just hear David's righteously indignant reply to Goliath?  Can't you see the fire in his eyes, the determination in his stance, and the holy fierceness with which He might just have boldly spat these words at his enemy:

“You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin (the weapons of this world), but I come to you in the name of theLord of hosts, THE God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you.(Do you hear his confidence? His trust?) And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, (there is a God in Jennifer's life)  and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s (it's already HIS--let that sink in...) and He will give you into our hands.” Then it happened when the Philistine rose and came and drew near to meet David, that David RAN quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine.  (1 Samuel 17:45-48 emphasis mine)

What giant is mocking you in your life? Is mocking your Great God, the God you love, the God who died for you? What giant dares to speak lies against you and against Him?  Do you recognize the lies? Do you burn with righteous anger against your enemy? (Psalm 119:78, 86)

Do you know what to do next?

You run. You run quickly. You pick up the weapons He has given you, and you trust fall into His greatness, and you count your own life as lost for His Name's sake (Philippians 3:8), and you run TOWARD your giant. No matter the outcome. You run. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ; Hebrews 12:1-3)

And what happens?  You BOTH get the victory, and HE gets all the glory.  That's just the way it works best for everyone.  We humans tend to be encumbered by pride after all.

So run your race toward your giants and be brave in the way God created you to be brave.  It looks different for everyone.  I bet if you sat and thought about it for a moment, you can remember some "moments" of your own life that were flashes-in-the-pan instances of bravery. But I pray you too will see that all those instances have made you into the brave person God designed you to be--a victorious, overcomer in the army of the Living God.

Go today, and be brave in His Name! Be victorious.
Psalm 20:7 "Some boast in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God."