A More Powerful Answer

When your thirteen-year-old son weeps in your arms like a baby while hugging you tightly like a man, something inside you breaks. This world breaks us all eventually. When you love Jesus, and your heart is encouraged and comforted by His words and His people, sometimes the weight of just having to live day in and day out among lost sheep feels like hell on earth, not heaven. (Luke 10:3)

My son is still young. The weight of the world he encounters every day all day at school feels like oppression to his sensitive spirit. In time, Jesus can grow him and turn that oppression he feels into compassion he shows. Maturity turns our eyes outward instead of inward. Our thoughts become about how to effect change instead of how to endure it. But at thirteen, God is still building endurance in my son. And that’s good. He’s going to need it. (2 Corinthians 1:3, 2 Peter 1:5-7)

This broken Mama heart though wants to swoop in and rescue him so badly! Homeschool him. Move him to a Christian school. Call our youth pastor and put a bug in his ear to reach out to my son. Start beating the pavement trying to find more Christian friends for him. The RPMs of my brain begin to smoke until I feel like I might choke on the smoke, and then the tears come, and I just cry.

I can’t rescue my kids from everything, nor is it wise to do so. But Jesus can. He can be their Savior in every way they need and desire, so all I need to do is find a way to keep pointing them to Him. He is the Answer. How Lord? How do I encourage their hearts?

I sit to open my devotion, wondering if the Lord will answer my heart’s cry. I read Paul’s salutation to the Colossians (4:18), and the devotional author points out that Paul asked the Colossians to remember his suffering, not save him from it. Paul knew, saw, believed, and lived His life knowing His suffering was for a greater purpose, so much so that he found joy in it (Colossians 1:24).

No one wants their suffering to go unnoticed. We all put on a brave face sometimes and mask the hurt and pain life causes, but what we really want is for someone to pull away the mask, look us in our tear-streaked face and say, “I see you.” We want our pain to be acknowledged. It doesn’t have to be validated, justified, understood, or even fixed. Many times, it can’t. But our pain can always be seen and known and shared by those who love us most and love us best.

As I type that last sentence, I can hear the Gaither Vocal Band cassette tape playing in my Meema’s car as a child: I am loved, I am loved / I can risk loving you / For the One who knows me best / Loves me most / I am loved, you are loved / Won't you please take my hand / We are free to love each other / We are loved. Yes, it’s that simple and that hard all at the same time. Risk loving others because I’m secure in the One who knows me best and loves me most. I can’t take the first risk without being secure in the truth of my relationship with Christ and position in Christ.

When I held my son and let him weep, when I prayed God’s protection and presence to follow him into school that day in the parking lot of a random church, when I cried with him and let him know I was there—I did everything I needed to do. I loved him well. There’s nothing more for me to do but offer him with open hands to my Jesus in prayer and intercession and let him go. To school. Into the world. To battle. My Jesus walks with him. His Jesus walks with him. I remind my son of truth; I don’t save him from suffering. Only Jesus will ever truly save him from all his suffering. Any “saving” I try to do in the meantime just steals an opportunity from the Lord to show up strong on his behalf.

We 21^st century Mamas are strong, smart, capable, and we know how to find ways to solve all kinds of problems for our kids, but at a certain age, we need to consider if we’re actually inserting ourselves into the role of God in our children’s lives. I will not always be here to solve their problems. Natural consequences will take their course and their toll eventually. The question then becomes, as their mother, are you teaching them how to trust Jesus or trust themselves (or others) to solve their problems? I want my children to trust Jesus above all else. Truly. Even if that means standing by and just holding them while they cry. Even if that means keeping my mouth shut and letting them make poor (non-life threatening) choices. Even if that means watching them suffer, stumble, and stall without inserting myself into their circumstances. (Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 5:4, James 1:19, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

My children need to learn to trust Jesus. The earlier the better. I need to learn to trust Jesus with their lives. The sooner the better. What I can do is pray—often and constantly. I can share tears and laughter because I’m available and present. I can speak truth in love and remind them to pray also, to get in God’s Word and seek answers for themselves, to ask questions of wise people, to ask for help if they need it. I remind them they are seen, known, and loved, not just by me, but by their Jesus. I can encourage them to stay the course, press on, and do hard things because they are not alone. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Ephesians 4:15, Hebrews 10:24-25)

It's counter-cultural to believe the answer to our problem is not a physical answer or help. It requires trust to believe reminders, encouragement, presence, prayer, and truth are more powerful answers than a change of circumstances. It requires faith to believe seeking spiritual things is of greater value than physical action. The first must precede the latter. When the two get out of order, we find ourselves working in our own strength which always leads to burnout and exhaustion. (Hebrews 11:1, 1 Corinthians 2:9-16)

The physical circumstances of what my son is experiencing have not changed. Yet. But I am praying and watching and waiting expectantly for the Lord to move my husband and me in the direction He wants us to take. I’m praying and watching and waiting expectantly for how the Lord will move in the heart and mind of my son. (Romans 8:25-27)

Our circumstances are central to our calling, not a reason to run from it. God is Sovereign. He rules over every detail of my life. My circumstances are not accidents. Your circumstances are not happenstance. They are not reasons to run, hide, complain, or even change. They are central plots to your story. Own them. Embrace them. Share them. Give God glory because nothing is wasted. Seek God’s answer before you take one step, do one thing. (Ephesians 1:11, Colossians 1:16, John 6:12, Matthew 6:33)

Is your relationship with Jesus your first answer to life’s hard things? Is He your Refuge, Companion, and Safe Place? Is the Holy Spirit your Guide and Helper? Do you follow His lead or your own? Does the Father’s holiness and sovereignty humble your heart to His will? Do you know Him well enough to even answer these questions?

“Lord, open the eyes of our hearts that we may see You. Forgive us for trusting ourselves more than we trust You. Thank You for pursuing us relentlessly. Thank You for working all circumstances for our eventual good and Your inevitable glory, so that nothing rooted in You is ever wasted or meaningless.”

To My Son, Happy 10th Birthday

 Today my baby, my son, turns ten. A decade of parenting a son so different from my daughter. My baby boy, second and last child. My emotions are all over the page with this one. If Savannah has always been a source of joy, light, and life, Weston has always been heart, warmth, and love. 

He’s intelligent, articulate, observant, thoughtful and sensitive. He’s hilariously witty if you’re quiet long enough to listen, wicked smart and fiercely, strategically competitive. He’s the first to sense when I need a hug, and he’s keenly aware of the needs of others in any given situation. 

He has some deep flaws as well, but don’t we all. What I love the most is he seeks and recognizes truth even in the middle of things that are hard for him. He’s always been honest about what he’s feeling and where he is in any given moment, and when his thoughts and ideas run away with him, and the enemy is speaking lies into his head, he let’s God’s truth sink in and have Its way with him. For this alone, I am deeply grateful. 

I see the beginning of the man God is shaping him to be. I see a young boy that seeks truth and when he finds it, he doesn’t waver or back down. He stands firm. I see the beginnings of a young man who’s not afraid to work hard, apply himself, and take responsibility for the direction his life takes. I see a man of God forming in him that will carry himself with strength—strength of character and integrity, mental and physical strength, emotional and intellectual strength. 

The road to get there will be hard, my son, but I see everything in you, all the endless possibilities of how the Lord can and will use you to bring glory to Him. Never doubt that for one minute. Never sell yourself short of the amazingly, unique you God created just you to be. 

I’m proud of you simply because you’re my son, and it’s my greatest privilege to be entrusted with the gift of you for however long the Lord sees fit. 

Happy tenth birthday, Weston. Your Mama loves you more than you know. 

Christmas Letter 2016

Dear Family & Friends,     

We love California. Living here is a gift from the Lord. One we never even knew we needed.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t breathe in the blue skies, sunshine, and 70degree temps and thank the good Lord that this is my home for this season of life. This year especially, I’m grateful for this daily blessing of beauty and serenity because a more truthful confession is this has been one of the hardest AND one of the best years of my life all in one. I’ve lived out both sides of the coin, moment by moment on some days. Some days and moments were heads up, and many days and moments were tails up, head buried. So when you read this letter, I pray you hear an honest voice and see an honest glimpse into the life of a family that at the end of the day, the end of the year, just loves Jesus and wants you to love Him too because His presence has taught me how to persevere with joy this year.

Perseverance. He gave this word to me in January in the middle of the study of Revelation in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  At the time, I figured it was just the word I needed in order to finish strong the study (not an easy book to study!), a word that reflected what was required of God’s people throughout the book of Revelation. Ah, but it has represented so much more. Through the comingling of joy and struggle, God is teaching me the unsurpassed beauty and treasure of perseverance.

Perseverance, endurance, stick-to-it-ness, steadfastness. Words our present culture respects from a distance, but no one gets too close, and most people try to pass them by. Those words have teeth. They hint at something hard and negative, sounds like work. Those words require a way of living that isn’t fast-paced, constantly changing, full of options and instantly microwavable results. No, these words produce a character quality in someone that makes them resilient and rooted and strong and beautiful.

Savannah got her first set of braces in January, and I watched her persevere all year with an amazing attitude and acceptance. The braces came off in November and her teeth are beautiful. I’ve watched her persevere in swimming, tennis, and gymnastics this year, along with developing her skills in the arts and her academics. (Learning Latin is not for the faint of heart! She is taking 3^rd grade by storm!) My girl has more energy and more gumption for life than any child I’ve ever known. But the best news of all came in February when she openly prayed during our family devotion on the first day of Lent to receive Christ as her Savior. She chose to be baptized in my mom’s pool in July, surrounded by our GA family and friends, and I have watched Savannah persevere in her growth as a child of God ever since. She is nine years of joy!

I’ve watched Weston persevere in his walk with the Lord as well. He’s my cautious, intuitive thinker, and it’s been a joy to watch him grow in courage and determination this year, willing to commit and take more chances. Turning 7 in August, he was more than ready to begin first grade and has excelled. But watching him begin to fall in love with the game of soccer this fall was maybe my favorite thing. He works so hard! He doesn’t give up, and he takes correction, honestly always trying to improve. He scaled wall after wall of rock climbing courses at a gym at Thanksgiving, like a pro. We jokingly called him “Rock-boy,” to which he replied, “Call me Peter. His name means Rock.” We laughed, but my heart swelled because Weston’s name means Steadfast. He is more like Peter the apostle than he even knows. Watching my son persevere to overcome fears this year has been a gift.

Joey has persevered in his work and in his growth as a husband and father. I’ve watched him approach every change that came his way at work with grace, always acting with integrity in each situation, giving nothing but his best. I’ve watched him seek the Lord this year in a new way. I’ve seen him grow closer and stronger in his role as our family’s leader. After fifteen years of marriage, he is still persevering with me in marriage and seeking to pursue me, know me, see me. We began the year on the tails up side of the coin, but through the power and provision of our relationship with Jesus and our love and commitment to one another, we’ve been living the heads up side for most of the year. Joey’s perseverance in choosing Jesus, choosing us, every day, has been my greatest gift and highest high of this year.

The heads up moments have been simply amazing, dreams realized—God’s provision in completely taking care of buying back our not-well-made RV, traveling to San Francisco, driving the Pacific Coast Highway for Spring Break taking in the breathtaking majesty of mountains dropping into the vastness of the ocean, camping in Joshua Tree National Park in the middle of 20mph winds (so many stories!), visiting dear friends in Brazil over the summer, getting to see Iguaçu Falls while we were there (one of the New Seven Natural Wonders of the World!) which were simply mesmerizing, a last minute trip to Hawaii before school started back full of snorkeling with sea turtles and ogling over the uniqueness of our Creator’s design, co-leading a table of multi-generational women through the women’s ministry at our church, deepening my relationship with my now-sophomore girls in high school ministry, developing so many new friendships, lots of paddle surfing, and spending almost every weekend boogie boarding and watching sunsets by a fire on a beach with our dearest CA friends. These are some of my favorite memories ever, in my entire lifetime. So many amazing blessings. I have loved the heads up side of the coin this year.

The tails up moments have been learning to persevere in the mundane, the ordinary, and the seemingly insignificant routines of this stage of my life. The never-ending laundering, child-shuttling, grocery-shopping, meal-planning, homework completing, errand-running, need fulfilling stage of life where my identity seems to disappear into the titles of “mom” and “wife.” I love these titles. I’m blessed to have them. But they become only titles and not blessings when my life is not fully connected to my heavenly Father who breathes life and purpose into the mundane. Who has asked me this year to stay the course and live out everything I’ve ever proclaimed I believed in the ordinariness of my life, placing one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, being present, and daring me to find joy in it. He’s challenged me to be content being a nobody (in the eyes of the world) for Him. To live a faith filled, righteous life for the sole purpose of being noticed and praised and seen only by Him. This has been hard, but it has also produced an abiding joy I am still learning to define.

In the middle of these highs and lows, my dearest CA friends lost their eight-year-old son in a tragic accident. Savannah and Weston lost a playmate and friend, and the world lost a beautiful soul. Grief has colored the last six months of this year for me because I have come to love these friends and their family like my own. Choosing and desiring and loving being a part of their daily lives through the pain of this journey has taught me what perseverance means more than any other experience in my life.

Perseverance is not something you set out to accomplish or obtain. It is a natural byproduct of loving well. I love my friends deeply, so despite the pain from their lives that naturally ebbs into mine, I will persevere in that friendship. I love my children deeply, so despite the irritations and hurt we may cause each other, I will persevere in my role as their parent. I love my husband with all my heart, so despite the inevitable hardships our growing and changing lives will encounter, I will persevere in learning to be the helpmate God created me to be for him. I love my Jesus with all that I am, with my whole life, so despite the pain or discomfort that crashes into my life from tension with this world, I will persevere in my relationship with Him.

Perseverance is the natural byproduct of loving well. What a treasure!

So this Christmas season I challenge you also to persevere. Look around you and love well everyone and anyone the Lord has placed in your path. Follow Jesus’ example in Hebrews 12:1-3:

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (you are NOT alone), let US also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us RUN with perseverance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (emphasis added mine)

Some of you need to believe you are not alone, some need to throw off weights and/or sin entangling your stride, some need to give yourself credit for loving well and fixing your eyes on Jesus, some need to despise shame and endure the cross God has given you to bear out of love for Jesus because Jesus doesn’t ask you to persevere through anything in life that He hasn’t already persevered and claimed victory over Himself! Learn to love well like Jesus. Recognize that somewhere in the middle of the process of enduring, there is JOY! The more years that pass, the more I believe that true joy cannot be experienced without deep struggle. So persevere because true joy is the reward, the prize, the gift.

May your love for Jesus produce perseverance in your life that brings glory to God and blessings uncountable to you and yours this coming year. Never give up on your pursuit of Christ because He will never give up His pursuit of you. He even came as far as heaven is to earth to humbly love us so unconditionally as to become One among us. Immanuel. God with us. Merry Christmas!

Grateful to be called His children,

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston

Psalm 105:1

Tonight I sit overwhelmed and amazed and in perfect, exuberant peace. Tonight my daughter accepted Christ as her Savior.

In September, her younger six-year-old brother joined the family of God. He was beaming from ear to ear when we went to pick him up from his Sunday morning class, and he matter-of-factly announced that he had said the prayer to accept Jesus into his heart. Being six years old, Joey and I were hesitant and probably even doubtful this was a real decision, but boy, did God prove this doubting Mama's heart wrong.

My son was different. He was more open to spiritual conversations, more attentive, more willing to listen and attempt to apply Biblical truth to his life. He drew a precious picture of his heart with a stick-figure God inside, writing along the side that, "Yes. I did it. The God of Heaven" with arrows pointing to inside his heart. I didn't even know he had drawn this picture. I had simply mailed the envelope for him, but then my mother-in-love texted me a picture of the drawing when she received it. My heart jumped! Of his own accord, he had willingly told someone else about his decision. In the days to come, he would write messages in the sand on the beach, and my shy, little-man-of-few-words would volunteer to lead prayer time in his Sunday morning class, saying prayers that only come from the most pure of heart.  There's no doubt in my mind, the Holy Spirit filled my son this past September, and the conversations we have had since then have blessed me deeply.

But in the meantime, my eight-year-old daughter was hesitant, even resistant toward conversations we had with her about this decision. The Lord had to work on me. He told me I needed to shut my mouth, speak carefully and gently only when those small windows of opportunity arose, and not press. This was her decision, not mine. Her life choice. So I shut my mouth and prayed so fervently every night because I knew she knew. I knew she understood, but her open defiance was also clearly on display. She is queen of changing the subject, and Lord help us if we ever started to go deeper into anything than a puddle, she was always the first to come up for air, distracting herself with silliness and giggles and goofiness.

The Lord was faithful. He used a dear friend to point out Romans 2:4 to me, which basically states it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. Kindness. That is not a character quality I would rank high on my list of attributes. We are a low mercy home in general. Practicing kindness seemed foreign. Good manors, respectfulness, obedience...yes, we do those, but kindness? Kindness relates closely to words like caring, heartfelt concern, mercy, compassion, empathy. Yeah, gut-check. I needed to work on those. My daughter needed to know my kindness, so she could understand in part the kindness of our heavenly Father.

So I stopped rolling my eyes at her dramatic flair; instead, at the Lord's prompting, I took more deep breaths and saw her for who she was right in her emotional moments. Hurt feelings, splinters, bruises, friend problems, school issues--these were all moments to put kindness into practice. Learning to love another person for who they are, right where they are in life, not getting frustrated at their unused potential, not seeing the person God is molding them to be, but seeing the person standing right in front of you, needy, hurting, responding to that person, that child--that has been embarrassingly difficult for me to do.

Lord, thank you for helping me to see my daughter through your eyes--valued, loved, wanted. Even in her rebellious heart, she was still wholly and completely desired as my child. Wow. Such a tender life lesson and peek through the looking glass at the heart of my heavenly Father. I don't think I really got it until I had to live it, to put it in to practice. Thank you, Jesus, for hard lessons.

Over the last few months, I've had to entrust my daughter over and over again back into the hands of her Heavenly Father who made her and knows her so much better than even I can hope to know. I've prayed often in tears. I've trusted the Lord's promise to me that before the age of 12, my children would choose to follow the Lord. I believed the encouraging words of wiser women who spoke truth that one day, my daughter would make that decision for herself. Somewhere in the past few months, I stopped focusing on my desires and my timeline and my daughter's attitude, and decided the only hopeful place to focus was on Jesus.

So I ordered the She Reads Truth Lent study. I've never observed Lent. I'm not even really sure what it stands for or what it is or how to rightly observe it. But I knew it was about my Jesus' journey toward the cross, and it was about intentionally focusing on Him and His sacrifice. So tonight, on Ash Wednesday, I sat my kids around our table. We lit the candle in our Lent Wreath and began the first of a 40 day journey toward the cross together.

Something about lighting that candle cast a spell on my children. They watched the flame and listened intently to the Scripture readings. They read some of the verses from their own Bibles. We talked and discussed and ate scripture together, and my heart was so full. And we talked about sin and repentance and confession and forgiveness and what it means to be a child of God. And in the tender closing moments, right before we prayed, my daughter tentatively announced that God was asking her to repent, that she believed in Jesus and what He had come to do, and that she wanted to follow Him and be a child of God.

And my heart overflowed! It burst open. Satan immediately tried to get in there with his voice of doubt, but I looked into my daughter's eyes, and I chose to believe God, just like she was doing. And she bowed her head and prayed, and I listened to her sweet words of repentance and confession and proclaimed belief in Jesus' death and resurrection. I didn't even have to say the words for her.  She spoke them all herself, and she spoke them perfectly. And then I knew she was my child because the tears of happiness began to flow and her eyes shone and glistened, and the joy of the Lord filled her countenance.

And in the quiet evening of Ash Wednesday our family of four was made complete in the Holy Spirit, sealed together in Christ for all eternity. My children choose Jesus. I can ask for nothing more.

At ages and six and eight, I know that they know. Their Spirit testifies to mine because it is the same.

I have no greater joy than to know that my children 

are walking in the truth. (3 John 1:4)

No. Greater. Joy.

May you also be encouraged. May you faithfully trust the Lord with the hearts and minds of those dearest to you. May the Lord hear your fervent prayers from heaven and look on you with favor. May you too know the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13) Amen and Amen!

Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name;

Make known His deeds among the peoples. (Psalm 105:1)

   

Christmas Letter 2015

I post this every year for those of you I may have inadvertently forgot to send our Christmas card to. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from our family to yours!  .....

Dear Family & Friends,                                                                                                                 December 2015

Well, this was our first full year as Californians, and I must say, we have lived it to the fullest. Legoland, Disneyland, San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, USS Midway, Joshua Tree National Park, Big Bear snow tubing, paddle surfing, whale watching, too many beautiful sunsets to count--from the desert, to the mountains, to the beaches, we live California.

Weston turned six in August, and in September he joined Savannah as a kindergartner at Grace Classical Academy. God answered so many years of prayers on my part by giving him the sweetest class of all boys, brothers in make-believe games and soccer battles. But September 20th marked the best news of all for us, when Weston said the prayer to accept Christ as his personal Lord and Savior in his church class. The Lord has been so kind to this doubting Mama to confirm over and over again in very clear ways the presence of the Holy Spirit in Weston's heart and life, and the change in him is undeniable. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for his tender, yet deeply understanding heart!

Savannah is still my joy and lover of life. She's taken second grade by storm, turning eight years old in October. She loves everything and everyone, and while I still pray daily for her salvation, I am grateful for all the conversations we are having now about life and faith and people. Her heart is so tender and loving and open toward others that I can't wait to see how God is going to continue to use her to draw people to Him. She is a constant source of energy and life in our family for which I am truly thankful, and I have learned she sees value in things I overlook or take for granted. God is already using her to smooth out rough edges I didn't know I had, and for that I am learning to be grateful ;)

Joey continues to love his job, and we are blessed beyond measure by both our Chick-fil-A family here in California and in the corporate office. Every year that passes, I am more and more grateful for the faithfulness of the Cathy family to have built a business based on biblical principles.

But perhaps the theme for this year, the over-arching lesson for both Joey and myself and our children has been: Do the hard thing. Not just the next thing, but the hard thing. When you’re not sure which step to take next, step in the direction that is hard to go.  God has met us down that path so many times this year.

I cannot think of a time in my life where I have more actively sought the face and will of the Lord more so than in this past year. I have sought Him in stillness and patience and quietness and long, deep pauses of life. A life not busy. A calendar not full. A day not scheduled. And if you know me, you know how hard this has actually been for me to sink into.

We have sought the Lord in the most difficult task of finding a church home, a place to belong, friends to call our own. This journey has forced us to dig deeper into God's Word and challenge what we think we know. It has been the hardest journey to discern what is best for our family at this stage of our life. The Lord was faithful to finally open some doors in October, and we find ourselves finally at peace for a season connected with some awesome people we hope become lifelong friends in a church home that preaches the truth of God's Word without watering it down or avoiding the tough issues. Just the Bible--that's all our family really needs.

In August after much prayer, we bought an RV, and have enjoyed the intentional memories it allows us to make with our children as a family, seeing the beauty of God’s creation that is all over the west coast, but that too was a hard path to choose to take. God continues to ask us to trust Him with our finances in so many areas, but I’m so grateful that every time He asks us to take a plunge of faith He meets us right where we are and provides in ways we couldn’t have foreseen.

I've prayed with so many this year, had so many conversations, read so many news and opinion articles. It has been a hard year for many, for our nation, for the world. If I’m being honest, it’s still hard. Joey and I are pressing into the Lord and into each other during this season.  We’re holding our marriage and our children up to the Lord in daily surrender, with open hands, trying not to have expectations and to let God be God. A godly marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Separating the truth from the lies inside your own head is hard.

But friends, it is also SO VERY GOOD.  Hard, but good.  Because in the midst of choosing the narrow path, the hard path, the Voice of Truth comes and fills your life with meaning and goodness and a sense of purpose and fulfillment that only comes from a Good, Loving Heavenly Father who created us, so He knows exactly what fills the longings of our souls. You find His mercies truly are new every morning that His forgiveness covers a multitude of failings, giving you the renewed joy to try again.  You find refuge in His strength and not your own.  You find peace in His plan, so far out of your control that all you can do is trust and hope and try to be obedient.  And even though the obedience is the hardest part of all, the daily moment-by-moment choice to choose the Lord and His way, it is also where some of the sweetest moments of life are experienced.

I wonder if this year has been hard for you as well.  I wonder if you have taken the easy path, the fun path, the path you think you deserve, are entitled to, the life you think you should be living. I wonder if you have nothing to show for it but regret. I’ve made that mistake this year, and I’m so grateful that every time I turn around to try and choose a different way, the Lord is faithful to place before me the same hard path I could have chosen the first time. The path He always knew would be best. I didn’t miss it. He didn’t take it away, and He was right there to walk it with me every. single. time.

So my encouragement this year is to choose the hard. For me, I have to choose to be still instead of busy. Some need to become active instead of being still. For me, I need to pray more in secret and speak less in public, hence the fewer blog posts. For some, God is calling you to speak out the truth in love instead of holding it all inside. For me, I need to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable, to get comfortable with being rubbed raw and worked on from the inside out, and that is a hard journey I am only just beginning. Some of you have been uncomfortable you’re entire life, never feeling like yourself, and God is calling you to get comfortable with Him.

Do you see what I mean?  What is hard for me may not be hard for you!  We are all so different, so wonderfully made, so perfectly created. What is the hard thing to sink into at this point in your life, as this new year approaches?  What hard path have you been avoiding that you finally need to take the hand of your Heavenly Father and just trust Him, walk with Him down that path?

The words of Jesus Himself, John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble (guaranteed). But take heart! I (Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit living inside His believers) have OVERCOME the world!" (emphasis mine) Amen, Amen, and Amen!

Praying this Christmas season you can claim victory in Jesus as we celebrate His birth as the beginning of the end of the curse of man! The best gift of all because Jesus brought salvation for us all from it all. May you live a life of victory in 2016 choosing to do the hard things with Christ, overcoming and not losing heart.

“O victory in Jesus /My Savior, forever./He sought me and bought me /With His redeeming blood; /He loved me ere I knew Him /And all my love is due Him, /He plunged me to victory, /Beneath the cleansing flood.”

 –Bartlett, E.M, “Victory in Jesus”, 1939

Grateful every day Jesus took the hard path from heaven to earth, from earth to the cross, from death to life. Grateful he gives me a choice to follow His example, but also that He chose me to follow His example.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Praying you fully embrace the abundance of good in the midst of the hard,

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston Durham

You Have What It Takes: Lessons with Littles

It was a hot June day where I watched the adults versus students soccer game commence on the steaming astroturf.  My hubby had come out for the festivities, always willing to play a game of soccer and to join in on some school fun as well.  It was the school's end of year celebration, and the soccer field was alive with sweaty kids and adults scrambling back and forth from one end of the field to the other.

Next to me, sat my son. He slouched slightly, huddled up next to me, silently watching the game in motion. My husband had called to him, wanting him to come play with/against him. But my son just shook his head, pressed into my side a little harder and just stared at the game.  I could sense he was unhappy.

"Son, why don't you go play? Every one's out there running around. It looks like fun even if you don't get a chance to kick the ball. Just go run around with your friends."

He shook his head, fidgeting, not making eye contact.

"What's wrong?  Why won't you go play?  You love to run around, and look, your dad is out there and your friends.  What's the problem?"

He turned his eyes to mine, meeting my gaze, and I could see the insecurity and (was that shame?) in his body language. "Mom," he said, raising his hands palms upward to either side of his body, shrugging his shoulders upward, "I just don't have what it takes." And he slumped back, eyes watching the game, defeated. And he'd never even set foot on the field.

My immediate reaction was righteous, holy anger.  In that brief moment, I felt like maybe the way God felt calling for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, seeking them out to join Him. They hid, telling God they were naked and afraid to show themselves, and God's reply was, "Who told you you were naked?"(Genesis 3:11)  That's what I felt.  That moment I wanted to grab my son with both hands and shake him, saying, "Who told you that?! Who told you you didn't have what it takes?!?!?"

Certainly not me. Certainly not my husband.  We have told our kids to work hard and reach for the best of who God made them to be since they were born. We have prayed this over them.  This is not something he learned at home or through his environment or any other adult in his life of whom I am aware.

This was the voice of the devil.  This was the voice of the DNA of his flesh. This was the voice of the world, satan's dominion. This was the voice of a lie. (Ephesians 6:12, Galatians, 5:17, 1 John 5:19, John 8:44)

My son is five years old and already being attacked by the voices I myself have only begun to identify in my thirties. The holy, indignant mama bear in me wanted to wring satan's neck and cause him slow, torturous, unbearable pain for even thinking about messing with my five-year-old boy's mind. But the reality and weight and truth of the moment set in.

My heart softened and hurt for my son. Satan wasn't here himself, whispering lies in the mind of my child. He can't be everywhere at once like God, and I'm pretty sure he's pulling the personal strings of some way more dangerous and influential people somewhere in the world right now. His demons have no reason to be concerned with my son at this point in his life.  It was just the flesh my boy was born with, spiritual, genetically inherited, sinful DNA. My son didn't have to be taught how to believe lies, he just naturally, innately believed them. (Galatians 5:17)

He needed to be set free. The truth will always set you free, even if it's hard. (John 8:32)

I looked him in the eye. Firmly but lovingly said, "That is a lie from the devil. No one has ever told you that. You need to believe the truth. You need to believe what I say about who you are. You have exactly what it takes to get out there and play and enjoy and be successful. So get up. Get out there.  I don't care if you never touch the ball.  I don't care if all you do is run back and forth the rest of the game, not really knowing what you're doing.  Just get out there. You don't have a choice. Now get up and go!"

Reluctantly, he obeyed.

And in reflection, I hear the voice of my heavenly Father, my holy Parent, giving me the same speech, imparting the same truth. He's trying so diligently to always be setting me free. (Galatians 5:1 John 8:36))

"You are not (____insert lie______). That is a lie from the devil. My Word has never told you that is who you are. You need to believe the truth. You need to believe what I AM says about who you are. You have exactly what it takes to get out there and live victoriously, play joyfully, enjoy deeply, and succeed abundantly. I made you! I should know! So get up. Get out there. I don't care if you never reach that impossible goal, attain that important platform, grab hold of that dream. I don't care if all you do is run back and forth in pursuit of Me the rest of your time here on earth, not really ever knowing what you are doing. Just get out there. You have made your choice to follow Me, and I'm not allowing you the choice to live enslaved to fear. Now get up and go!"

Powerful words from the most influential Person in my life. Powerful words to a five-year-old when I am one of the most influential people in his life right now.

And you know what?  In the mass of adults and students running pell-mell around that field, people with way more experience at soccer than my son, he actually got to kick the ball! Twice! In the right direction!  As a parent, I've never been more proud.

And I have to think my Heavenly Father just wants the same from me. My effort to give it a try, my willingness to participate and see what happens. A good attitude helps, but sometimes it's the result of taking that first step anyways. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can be a starting point, but sometimes you don't know what you're capable of until you try, and since no one really knows the limit to God's capabilities, you should assume no one knows the limit of His capabilities in and through you. (Job 11:7) There's no personality or spiritual gifts test that will perfectly package what my Uncontainable God can accomplish in the life of an open heart, soul, and mind of a child who is willing to fully trust and simply obey the words that flow from her Father's heart.

Just like my son, the whispered lies we believe imprison us to sit forever on the sidelines. The plain truth of our Heavenly Father, written clearly and completely, cover to cover in the Bible invites us to play and thrive! (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Just like my son, will you trust Jesus with your deepest hurts, the lies you're afraid to speak out loud? Because I promise, He will come to your rescue. (Isaiah 35:4) He's the only One in righteous anger capable of literally strangling the devil inside you. His words are full of grace and hope and an open invitation to be part of something bigger than yourself. (Ephesians 3:20)

Just like myself, as a parent or an influencer of a child in any respect, will you consider the responsibility, the weight your words carry in the life of a child? You may literally be the picture of God they hold in their mind's eye until they are old enough to learn how to forgive you for how imperfect you actually are. May your words reflect the heart of God into their little lives, and when they don't--because mine sure always don't--may your open confession to them turn their hearts toward the Lord in search of the one Person who will never let them down.

Just like myself, may you hear the heart of God echoed in the words you speak to others and may you experience the same boomerang effect of them coming back around to settle in the heart of your own life.  (And let's be honest, that little speech I gave to my son above, that came straight from the Holy Spirit. I can take NO credit.)

Just like my son, may you hear the words of the Father and respond immediately and accordingly. Trust and obey. Get up, get out there, never stop chasing after the will of the Father. Pity parties on the side lines are the result of getting caught believing subtle lies. Being side-lined by the Father is a totally different feeling and blog for another day, but the big difference is those side-lined by the Father are sitting on the bench, anxiously waiting to get back in the game. My son was side-lined by fear and lies. BIG difference. Know thyself, but know thy God better.

Read Isaiah 42:1-9...
Life is an amazing journey that God created. Be on the journey with Him. Enjoy the journey with Him. Talk about all aspects of the journey with Him. Confession is how we give all the bad to God, so He can in turn bless us with encouragement and fellowship and all the good.

"Jesus is the answer for the world today/Above Him there's no other/Jesus is the way."

My Little Man

Well, it's only fitting when big sister gets her accolades on her sixth birthday that little brother does too. =)

There is something about six years old though.  It marks the end of chubby cheeks, silly precious baby talk, and awkward movement, and ushers in a very distinct milestone into childhood. A new life all their own. Where my little boy will head off to school for seven hours every day instead of in my home, and his life outside of mine really begins to take shape.

Yes, there's something about six years old, and since he's not only my boy, he's my baby, my heart aches a little harder this time around.  But oh world!  Let me tell you what's heading your way!

Weston Loyd Durham is bright and charming and what he can't accomplish with a winning wit he will succeed with a devilish smile. He thinks likes his Mama, and wins people with his personality like his Daddy. He is smart, wickedly smart.  He's a thinker, a planner, a lover, a snuggler. He's my cautious adventurer.

He may be afraid to fail at times, but when push comes to shove, he sticks his tongue out and works hard to make things happen.  He's not afraid of a little pain. He loves to be praised, and encouragement is the fuel that can make him try something new, even when his perfectionist tendencies try to hold him back.

He makes us laugh hard and smile long. When he speaks, though not often, you had better listen because the wisdom that flows can be surprising. He hears, sees, knows, and understands more than we ever give him credit for. There are deep waters in those hazel eyes.

You still take my hand at times, little man. You're not embarrassed yet to hug your Mama, openly throw your arms around me, and shamelessly tell the world you love me, no matter who's listening. I hope you never stop.

But someday when you might, my prayer is that you never feel that way about Jesus. My prayer for you, my Steadfast child, is that you are never ashamed of your love for Jesus, and that you will speak about Him wherever you go no matter who's listening. May you grow to be a man of strength and unwavering integrity in a world that is desperately looking for real men to stand up and stand firm and stand tall.

I love you with all my heart! Happy Birthday Weston! Six years is something special to celebrate!

The Priceless

 (He's my skinny, mischievous little boy who just starting giving me the sweetest, real kisses in the past few weeks.  Melts my heart into butter.  She's my beautiful drama queen, always full of silliness and smiles, so I couldn't help but post this pout=)  She's my joy and sunshine--always has been.)

So, I haven't written much about my two munchkins lately.  Truth be told, we stay so busy, I don't have much time to write at all!!!  I feel so much like Mary, the mother of our Lord, pondering and trying to treasure all these things in my heart, praying that one day God will help me recall them and put them on paper in some format.  But today my heart sang, and this is why...

Saturdays have become my favorite day of the week now that Joey is home ALL DAY.  We eat family breakfast together, usually run a few needed errands together, then hang out at the house just soaking up the opportunity to be in each others' presence, fiddling around doing any odds and ends a home requires.

Today as I was busy prepping for the spring consignment sale, Savannah and Weston were busying themselves picking holly berries and placing them in a watering can.  This is the conversation I overheard:
Weston: "Sissy, I love you." (Completely out of the blue and unprompted!)
Savannah: "I love you too, Weston.  And we are going to be each other's friends forever and ever, right?"
Weston: "Right."

My heart thrilled and soured and dipped and twirled inside my chest!  It was such a matter-of-fact, Fox and the Hound type moment.  They are only 2 and 4, but I have prayed from the day Savannah was born that her brothers and/or sisters would be her best friends the rest of her life.  That God would give me the wisdom to somehow instill a sisterly/brotherly love for each other from the start of their relationship.  I don't want Savannah to grow up thinking she needs to be Weston's second mother, and I don't want Weston feeling like she is.  I want Savannah to grow up feeling valued and loved by Weston, and he respected and honored by her.  These deep desires start NOW.   I plant these seeds daily and earnestly at the leading of the Holy Spirit.

To be honest, I'm not sure how to even go about doing this, but I do the best I know how, responding as the Lord leads, and I try to think about how settling what seem like inconsequential arguments between them now is creating the building blocks for fostering that relationship and those future conversations.  So needless to say, this overheard treasure was deeply special.  One to be captured and hung in the Memory Hall (as I like to think of this blog.)

A little bit later, Weston is off doing his own thing, and Savannah walks herself out to the curb at the front of our house.  "Savannah, where are you going?" I yelled from the garage.  "I'm going to go sit down and talk to God for a while, Mom."  Really?!?  Does it get any sweeter than that?  "Ok honey, that sounds like a great idea."  Smiling to myself, I returned to work, and marveled in the sweet nothings of voice and sound that were coming from her direction.  Words I could not hear, but words nonetheless to our Heavenly Father.  I'm glad she felt the freedom to let me know and to just go---and talk to God.  May she always be wrapped in that freedom.  May those conversations only increase as her life moves on.

These are the priceless days, the priceless moments when time stands still and all is right with the world, even if just for a moment.  These are the truly priceless things.

(This one's for my brother Matthew--pretty sure she's pulling some form of the raptor pose in this pic=)

Christmas Letter 2011

Ok, so in case you didn't get one of these, here it is=)  I apologize to anyone who feels slighted...I simply ran out=)  If you did get this, scroll to the bottom for an addendum=)


Dear Family & Friends,                                                                                                     December 2011

This year I find myself writing with a full heart and in an overflow of gratefulness.  God has truly shown Himself good to our family this year, and as I write, I believe He’s not finished with us yet because this year still has a few more weeks left in it! ;)

This year Weston turned two and with adenoids removed and a new pair of ear tubes, I feel like my little boy just came to life over the summer.  He is so much fun!  And funny too!  He keeps us in constant stitches and giggles with his “Ahhh man” comments and other little man quips.  His dry humor, only understood through his still broken speech, just adds to his adorable smile and mischievous ways.  He’s learned to keep his sister in check, and the two of them play so well together; it’s truly heart-warming and an answer to prayer.

Savannah turned four this year, and I have been amazed and so grateful for her sweet attitude, caring heart, and helpful hands.  She is very capable and independent, but deeply concerned for the well-being of others as well.  I have enjoyed watching her little heart for God grow over this year.  She still can’t explain what it means to ask Jesus into your heart, but she adamantly claims that she already has.  I look forward to the day when she can completely understand and walk the aisle in baptism professing what I already know is deep at work in her heart.  Is that day not the completion of the best a parent can hope for?  A great answer to so many prayers?  I am expectant and so grateful to a God that works in our lives even as children.

I have kept busy with a long list of things this year among which I include the completion of two half marathons, one sprint triathlon, a Warrior Dash, and a Muddy Buddy Race.  I have fond memories of each, and I look forward to what this next year may hold for physical challenges.  I also was able to begin Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) in January, and I cannot say enough about the Biblical principles and spiritual growth I have experienced through this study.  The spiritual growth I’ve seen in my children through their children’s program is even more amazing, and it’s all free!!!  I highly encourage anyone searching for something solid and straight Bible to check out their program.  On top of this, probably the best decision we have made as a family this year was to join Burnt Hickory Baptist Church after the first of the year.  God has truly, deeply blessed our socks off through the ministry, people, and friendships we have made here.  I feel like we have finally found a church to call home for the next long season of our life, and I am beyond grateful for this blessing.

Joey officially graduated with his MBA from Mercer University in August of this year, and I cannot be more relieved to have that behind us, but more importantly, I am so proud of my husband.  He finished this degree while enduring the regular day-to-day difficulties at his store, weathering a pregnant wife and birth of a second child, and all the while managed to be there every time I needed him.  He stressed, but it never put a huge strain on our marriage, and I never felt neglected in the two and half years this took.  He is truly an amazing man of God with a great future ahead of him.  I believe God is already in the works to use him for His mighty purposes to bring glory to His holy name.  I look forward to the adventures 2012 holds for Joey because I know God is just beginning to use his leadership of our family for great things.

And there you have it, the year in review, in a nutshell.  All praise to our heavenly Father who chooses to give His good and perfect gifts!  We are so unworthy, yet still He is faithful.  What a mighty God we serve.

May this season of celebration grace you with an expectancy in your life of all God is capable of accomplishing in just today and even more so in the tomorrows to come.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston

So the addendum is written over here if you haven't seen this post yet.....