I didn’t post my Christmas letter this year because I got
some negative feedback.
Oh, I got plenty of positive. But it was the one negative voice that drowned the rest out, that made me second guess my motives and message, that lit the fire of insecurity. One voice. And in retrospect, it was probably one hurting voice dealing with their own things.
And I’ve floundered with that one voice, battling the insecurity it caused. If my words discourage someone, should they even be said? But what I’m learning is—like everything else in this world—what is encouraging to one is discouraging to another, and as a writer, this is a difficult gray area to navigate.
As a writer, I want you to know my heart means well, means good, means light, means to inspire courage, not diminish it. Yet, unless you know me personally as a person, my words will inevitably always fall on someone the wrong way. So I must be content with the motives of my own heart, that they are laid bare before the Lord and approved between Him and me before I publish. It’s really only His feedback that matters after all.
I’m not saying every word I write is the Gospel or God’s own truth—that would be heresy. I am saying that as far as I know, my relationship with the Lord was in the right mind space and heart space when I made those words public. Part of me wants to apologize to everyone who has been unknowingly hurt by my words, yet part of me also just wants to own them—for better or worse—and be humble enough to eat crow and back-peddle if that is what is right and glorifying to my relationship with Jesus.
So, here’s a belated Christmas letter. Maybe now that’s it’s finally published, I can move past the insecurities, and write some more. We will see. Time will tell. Merry Christmas in almost May J
Dear Family & Friends,
December 2020
2020. Just wow. It’s been one for the history books. For us
it started with high hopes and happy times snowmobiling through Yellowstone the
first week of January. Cue the downhill slide. Not sure about your family, but
disappointments this year started piling fast, a long and heavy list.
Come July, after more canceled travels than I care to list,
children begging to attend school in person, and the fabric of “normal” being
completely redefined, God gave me the word resilience. Defined as
toughness, a capacity to recover quickly or elasticity, the ability to spring
back, resilience is a character quality muscle built and strengthened only
under the weight of trying circumstances. Measured by our ability to pivot both
physically and emotionally, resilience determines one’s ability to hold fast
and stay the course. No matter what.
Weston has shown resilience in his studies, never losing a
step when online education began in March. He didn’t complain or whine when his
spring flag football season got canceled, readily agreeing to try track when
the opportunity arose. His first day of track club, ever in his life, he ran
five miles in the hills and canyons around our home, increasing his mileage and
difficulty weekly. Though physically exhausted, he mentally pivoted, facing the
challenge three times a week without complaining. When the opportunity arose to
try out for a club soccer team, he was ready. Soccer looks different when
you’re not allowed to play the game, but he’s set his mind to improve his
skills and prove himself a valuable member of the team regardless. He doesn’t
like to pivot, but he’s learned to execute like a pro anyway. (Even adding
surfing to is repertoire this year!) Deeply grateful for his Jesus-loving heart
motivating it all.
Savannah has shown resilience by flourishing during online
education despite her intense need for a social life. When swimming resumed,
though weirdly orchestrated, she didn’t complain, she buckled down and improved
her speed despite the loss of swim meets. When faced with a challenging year of
studies as a logic school student, she has pivoted to balance her schoolwork
with sports, babysitting, youth group and her love of surfing. Her commitment
to practice and improve her piano playing, despite months of Facetime lessons
in the spring, fills our home with beauty, light, and joy. Even in a pandemic,
the social drama of the tweenage years followed her. I’ve watched her navigate
difficult social situations with maturity and care, making wise choices with
her technology and accepting hard outcomes with grace. She’s never given up
meeting with her small group and prioritizing the time to grow in Christ. So
proud of the choices she’s made this year.
Joey has shown resilience this year by staying the course
with his work, committing to making the best of his at-home work environment
and schedule. An extrovert by nature, he deeply misses traveling and the daily
conversations at the office, but mostly the face-to-face relationship building which
takes place during those opportunities. Early in the year, we both hit a hard
patch in our marriage, but his determination to stay the course and seek
counsel led us down a path of maturity and into a level of intimacy we could
only pray to reach in a lifetime of marriage. Devotions with Dad continued
throughout quarantine, just sometimes in the back of his truck instead of
inside a Chick-fil-A. In work, love, and parenting, he has led with a steady
foot forward, resolved to not give ground to complacency, apathy, or the
bitterness of disappointments. Master of pivoting, most resilient of us all, Joey’s
constant presence in our home encourages and uplifts, spurring us to keep
moving forward.
Chick-fil-A, Inc. remains a constant source of blessing to
our family despite the ever-shifting temperature of our culture—a true
testimony to the resilience a company can show when their Foundation is firm.
As for me, resilience developed in the early morning routine
of my quiet time at my kitchen table. With nowhere to go and no schedule to
keep, I had no excuses for not meeting every day with my Jesus. The kids logged
on for school, and I sat down with my Bible. The Lord was faithful to take me to
school and deepen my understanding of who He is and who He created me to be. I
had signed up to complete 5 triathlons this year, taking the first year of my
forties to task. Instead, God has seen fit to put my heart and mind through
triathlon training.
You see, our family will make the move back to Georgia in
summer of 2021, leaving behind not just a treasure of a home and environment in
California, but more heartbreakingly, the friends we’ve grown to consider as
family. Our framily. They’ve been our family for what will be seven years in
July. Seven golden, crucial family rearing years. We’ve cried in the trenches
together raising our children and adventured to the heights together with our
families. To leave California feels like losing a piece of my soul, a piece I
had been trying to find my entire life. Dramatic? Maybe.
Our next home? Unknown. Timeline? Unknown. Joey’s next steps
at work? Unknown. Schooling path for my kids? Unknown. But God knows. Abram’s
story of faith moved us to California, and Abraham’s story of faith in
sacrificing Isaac will move us back. When God says go, you go. When God says
sacrifice, you sacrifice. Nothing in this world makes any sense right now. All
logic and reasoning have flown out the window of our culture and relationships
it seems at times. But God. Jesus has remained steady and faithful and true.
His promises have not wavered or changed course. His Word remains resilient to
the tides of a pandemic, government, and culture. Do you know His promises to
you?
Of all the things you have studied and read and researched
this year, were His promises at the top of your list? If not, why not? What do
you have to lose?
Honestly, the soul-training for me has been intense, and
it’s not over. I am weary of being hurt and disappointed in people and life. Disappointments
either dishearten and deaden you to the joys of life or they increase your
resilience and ability to find joy elsewhere—you get to choose the lesson you
learn. I choose Jesus. With teeth grit and a fire in my soul, I choose Jesus,
if only out of stubborn defiance.
I have known the depth of the dark night of the soul, and I
have seen the sun break forth on the horizon. If resilience is the capacity to
recover quickly, to spring back, then I choose to strengthen that muscle by following
my Jesus in His example.
God the Father said He had a plan to save humanity, but
Jesus had to become one of us to make it work. How we must have disappointed
Him while He walked this earth! For sure His resilience was tested and tried.
He stayed the course. He loved God, loved others, suffered, died and rose
again, so we could have hope for tomorrow. In living our lives by His example,
we too can experience hope. So, our family will continue to love God, love
others, suffer, die to ourselves, and rise again in Christ to hope another day.
To fully live.
In Deuteronomy 31:8, God Himself promised the Israelites,
the world, and our family, “He, the LORD Himself, goes before you and will be
with you.” God has already been where we are about to step. Jesus came to earth
to be Immanuel, God with us. God is with us. God has already been where
you are about to go, where our world is about to go. I am foolish to turn in
any direction but where He leads, to think I understand or can orchestrate
anything other than what He designs.
May this Christmas fill you with the wonder of who God is.
May His imminence gift comfort, and His transcendence gift hope. He is
everything you’ve been looking for this year….and more.
Rejoicing God is going before us, with love to you and
yours,
“Because of the
tender mercy of our God, With which the Sunrise from on high will visit us, To
shine on those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet
into the way of peace.” Luke 1:78-79
