Live Victorious

I have my own personal theory on how old the world actually is. I know, this is not an evolutionary debate, it’s a personal theory. You see, there are things I believe we will never know until God’s timing comes to fruition. The age of the earth is one of them. Some say millions of years. Young earth creationists say 3,000-5,000 years. I believe God created Adam with age, so why couldn’t He create the earth with age also? Does it really matter? I don’t know. But what I have always found intriguing is we date the passage of time forward and backward from 1 BC (Before Christ) to 1 AD. Anno Domini. The year of our Lord. The year Christ entered humanity. The year Christ entered our timeline.

So, here’s my personal theory, I believe my God is a God of order not chaos, a God of symmetry, perfectly balanced. You see examples of this all throughout creation. So, my personal theory is:

This present, physical earth will end exactly the number of days it took to come into its fullness upon Christ’s birth. Up until His birth, it was forming and waiting and groaning for a Savior. After His birth, it has been groaning to be set free from the bondage of sin plaguing its existence, longing for the day it will rejoice with God’s children upon His triumphant return. (Romans 8:19-23)

The rocks cry out. The heavens declare the glory of God even in their sin-burdened state. Can you even begin to imagine the song creation must be capable of singing when no longer burdened? When made new and whole? (Romans 1:20, Psalm 119)

So, if the earth is 3,000 years old, maybe we are closer to Christ’s return than we think. Another 1,000 years or so? But if the earth is millions of years old, we’ve got the gift of God’s abiding grace a while longer—long enough to tell more people about Jesus, to convince more to join the winning side.

Because that’s the point. Do you think it’s coincidence all of time and history are dated based on the year of our Lord? Either BC, before Christ inhabited His creation, or AD, after He came? When God allowed Christ’s birth to be our reference point for all time—time He doesn’t actually experience, nor is He limited by—God was making a statement.

Jesus literally changes everything. For all time, for all people, for everything. His birth, life, death, and resurrection mark the beginning of the end of death itself. He defeated death. He fought, bled, died, and lives to tell about it. He won. The battle for souls and eternity has already been won. If you choose to follow Jesus, you are in the encampment of the Victor. Your eternity with Him is secure. Death has no claim on your life anymore. (Hebrews 2:14, 1 Corinthians 15:54-57)

I want to live victorious. I desire to shine from the inside out with the glory of Jesus’ victory, with the joy of His triumph, with the hope of eternity with Him. My natural temperament is to be consumed by the hurt and burden of the lost, broken, and grief-stricken. My heart aches for those drowning in the dark sea of lies where I have almost drowned before as well. I see our world rejecting Jesus and His ways, and my heart screams, “Stop!!!! Wait!!! Come back! Go back!! Return!” I see our world hurtling toward the cliff of their own creation, an abyss into hell of their own choosing.

But no one hears anymore. Everyone is too busy shouting over everyone else. What can I do?

I can live victoriously, in my own life, within my own six feet of influence. I can choose to look up and focus unwaveringly on Christ (Hebrews 12:2). I can choose to study His words, knowing them so well they are ready on my lips to give an answer to anyone who asks (1 Peter 3:15). I can teach them to my children and build their foundation in the Lord strong and unwavering, so they know how to do the same for the next generation (Deuteronomy 18:11-21). I can choose God’s standard of living as my standard of living, and though I will fall short every day, I don’t lower the standard. I ask for forgiveness and accept His grace to live another day with my eyes laser-focused on my Jesus.

And it is and will continue to be hard. But you don’t lower the standard. Victory belongs to those who persevere and hold their ground (Hebrews 10:35-39). Christ goes before His people. He advances the charge and takes the ground. We are tasked with following Him and holding the ground He takes. Remember He’s already won! We don’t have to second guess His choices or waiver in our belief. He is a sure bet.

What ground in your life have you allowed the devil to occupy that Christ has already claimed victory for you and over you? Confess, repent, cling to truth and resist the devil. He will flee, and the ground you thought you’d lost will be yours again.

What standard have you lowered that needs raising once more? The Lord is your Strength. Lean into Him. He is the one helping you hold the line, hold His standard high. Victory can be a way of life, not just an end goal.

“Lord, I want to live this life with the joy of Your victorious triumph. Help me to view my trials and difficulties as ground You’ve already conquered, and now You’re asking me to hold fast and stay true as You continue to advance Your kingdom in me and through me. May my life reflect not just Your glory, Lord, but Your victory as well. Thank You for Jesus. Thank You for sending Your Son into time to be with us and save us for all eternity.”

Further In and Further Up

At the end of the Last Battle by C.S. Lewis, as the world of Narnia is ending, a magnificent door is opened to Aslan’s land and all who enter gain a renewed strength and vigor and joy. As they begin to run faster and faster with no effort or strain or difficulty, Aslan encourages them with these words, “Further in and further up! Further in and further up!”

Those words ring in my ears as we begin to close the final chapter of our California book. My Jesus has opened a new door in Georgia, and I can hear His encouragement, I feel His presence by my side, and while I am not taking my steps daily without much effort, every movement forward feels like trudging through a muddy mire, difficult, tedious and laden with sadness, still I hear Him gently whisper, “Keep going. Further in and further up.” And in that encouragement, my soul stirs with small sparks of hope. There is more ahead and more beyond.

Onward and upward. The way through the muck and mire and mud of life is always further in and further up, forward and higher ground. I find myself re-reading and meditating on Psalm 121 through these difficult days. A psalm of ascent, nonetheless. How fitting.

Psalm 121 (NIV)

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

As I read this psalm, I realize the traveler is not ascending…yet. They lift their eyes because the ascent is ahead. Onward and upward, further in and further up. They are probably still in the valley, maybe the valley of the shadow of death. They must keep going and go through what lies ahead, but their help comes from the Lord where they lift their eyes to focus.

This is where I am. Resolute in lifting my eyes daily to Whom my help comes from. The tears will fall, and the steps are hard, but I am determined to go further in and further up with my Jesus on the path He has charted. Not once has He left my side. Never once have I ever walked alone.

Maybe you too find yourself in the muck and mire and mud of life. The steps are hard and sticky. Lift your eyes. Set your gaze ahead. Further in and further up. The valley and the bog will have an end, but until they do there is always more of Jesus to know. Dive further into Him, and He will lead you further up. He makes the journey worthwhile. He gives it meaning.

I’m going by the upper road, for that still holds the sun,

I’m climbing through night’s pastures where the starry rivers run:

If you should think to seek me in my old dark abode,

You’ll find this writing on the door, “(S)he’s on the Upper Road.”

–selection from Streams in the Desert, July 2. (Emphasis mine)

Christmas Letter 2016

Dear Family & Friends,     

We love California. Living here is a gift from the Lord. One we never even knew we needed.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t breathe in the blue skies, sunshine, and 70degree temps and thank the good Lord that this is my home for this season of life. This year especially, I’m grateful for this daily blessing of beauty and serenity because a more truthful confession is this has been one of the hardest AND one of the best years of my life all in one. I’ve lived out both sides of the coin, moment by moment on some days. Some days and moments were heads up, and many days and moments were tails up, head buried. So when you read this letter, I pray you hear an honest voice and see an honest glimpse into the life of a family that at the end of the day, the end of the year, just loves Jesus and wants you to love Him too because His presence has taught me how to persevere with joy this year.

Perseverance. He gave this word to me in January in the middle of the study of Revelation in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  At the time, I figured it was just the word I needed in order to finish strong the study (not an easy book to study!), a word that reflected what was required of God’s people throughout the book of Revelation. Ah, but it has represented so much more. Through the comingling of joy and struggle, God is teaching me the unsurpassed beauty and treasure of perseverance.

Perseverance, endurance, stick-to-it-ness, steadfastness. Words our present culture respects from a distance, but no one gets too close, and most people try to pass them by. Those words have teeth. They hint at something hard and negative, sounds like work. Those words require a way of living that isn’t fast-paced, constantly changing, full of options and instantly microwavable results. No, these words produce a character quality in someone that makes them resilient and rooted and strong and beautiful.

Savannah got her first set of braces in January, and I watched her persevere all year with an amazing attitude and acceptance. The braces came off in November and her teeth are beautiful. I’ve watched her persevere in swimming, tennis, and gymnastics this year, along with developing her skills in the arts and her academics. (Learning Latin is not for the faint of heart! She is taking 3^rd grade by storm!) My girl has more energy and more gumption for life than any child I’ve ever known. But the best news of all came in February when she openly prayed during our family devotion on the first day of Lent to receive Christ as her Savior. She chose to be baptized in my mom’s pool in July, surrounded by our GA family and friends, and I have watched Savannah persevere in her growth as a child of God ever since. She is nine years of joy!

I’ve watched Weston persevere in his walk with the Lord as well. He’s my cautious, intuitive thinker, and it’s been a joy to watch him grow in courage and determination this year, willing to commit and take more chances. Turning 7 in August, he was more than ready to begin first grade and has excelled. But watching him begin to fall in love with the game of soccer this fall was maybe my favorite thing. He works so hard! He doesn’t give up, and he takes correction, honestly always trying to improve. He scaled wall after wall of rock climbing courses at a gym at Thanksgiving, like a pro. We jokingly called him “Rock-boy,” to which he replied, “Call me Peter. His name means Rock.” We laughed, but my heart swelled because Weston’s name means Steadfast. He is more like Peter the apostle than he even knows. Watching my son persevere to overcome fears this year has been a gift.

Joey has persevered in his work and in his growth as a husband and father. I’ve watched him approach every change that came his way at work with grace, always acting with integrity in each situation, giving nothing but his best. I’ve watched him seek the Lord this year in a new way. I’ve seen him grow closer and stronger in his role as our family’s leader. After fifteen years of marriage, he is still persevering with me in marriage and seeking to pursue me, know me, see me. We began the year on the tails up side of the coin, but through the power and provision of our relationship with Jesus and our love and commitment to one another, we’ve been living the heads up side for most of the year. Joey’s perseverance in choosing Jesus, choosing us, every day, has been my greatest gift and highest high of this year.

The heads up moments have been simply amazing, dreams realized—God’s provision in completely taking care of buying back our not-well-made RV, traveling to San Francisco, driving the Pacific Coast Highway for Spring Break taking in the breathtaking majesty of mountains dropping into the vastness of the ocean, camping in Joshua Tree National Park in the middle of 20mph winds (so many stories!), visiting dear friends in Brazil over the summer, getting to see Iguaçu Falls while we were there (one of the New Seven Natural Wonders of the World!) which were simply mesmerizing, a last minute trip to Hawaii before school started back full of snorkeling with sea turtles and ogling over the uniqueness of our Creator’s design, co-leading a table of multi-generational women through the women’s ministry at our church, deepening my relationship with my now-sophomore girls in high school ministry, developing so many new friendships, lots of paddle surfing, and spending almost every weekend boogie boarding and watching sunsets by a fire on a beach with our dearest CA friends. These are some of my favorite memories ever, in my entire lifetime. So many amazing blessings. I have loved the heads up side of the coin this year.

The tails up moments have been learning to persevere in the mundane, the ordinary, and the seemingly insignificant routines of this stage of my life. The never-ending laundering, child-shuttling, grocery-shopping, meal-planning, homework completing, errand-running, need fulfilling stage of life where my identity seems to disappear into the titles of “mom” and “wife.” I love these titles. I’m blessed to have them. But they become only titles and not blessings when my life is not fully connected to my heavenly Father who breathes life and purpose into the mundane. Who has asked me this year to stay the course and live out everything I’ve ever proclaimed I believed in the ordinariness of my life, placing one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, being present, and daring me to find joy in it. He’s challenged me to be content being a nobody (in the eyes of the world) for Him. To live a faith filled, righteous life for the sole purpose of being noticed and praised and seen only by Him. This has been hard, but it has also produced an abiding joy I am still learning to define.

In the middle of these highs and lows, my dearest CA friends lost their eight-year-old son in a tragic accident. Savannah and Weston lost a playmate and friend, and the world lost a beautiful soul. Grief has colored the last six months of this year for me because I have come to love these friends and their family like my own. Choosing and desiring and loving being a part of their daily lives through the pain of this journey has taught me what perseverance means more than any other experience in my life.

Perseverance is not something you set out to accomplish or obtain. It is a natural byproduct of loving well. I love my friends deeply, so despite the pain from their lives that naturally ebbs into mine, I will persevere in that friendship. I love my children deeply, so despite the irritations and hurt we may cause each other, I will persevere in my role as their parent. I love my husband with all my heart, so despite the inevitable hardships our growing and changing lives will encounter, I will persevere in learning to be the helpmate God created me to be for him. I love my Jesus with all that I am, with my whole life, so despite the pain or discomfort that crashes into my life from tension with this world, I will persevere in my relationship with Him.

Perseverance is the natural byproduct of loving well. What a treasure!

So this Christmas season I challenge you also to persevere. Look around you and love well everyone and anyone the Lord has placed in your path. Follow Jesus’ example in Hebrews 12:1-3:

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (you are NOT alone), let US also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us RUN with perseverance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes ON JESUS, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (emphasis added mine)

Some of you need to believe you are not alone, some need to throw off weights and/or sin entangling your stride, some need to give yourself credit for loving well and fixing your eyes on Jesus, some need to despise shame and endure the cross God has given you to bear out of love for Jesus because Jesus doesn’t ask you to persevere through anything in life that He hasn’t already persevered and claimed victory over Himself! Learn to love well like Jesus. Recognize that somewhere in the middle of the process of enduring, there is JOY! The more years that pass, the more I believe that true joy cannot be experienced without deep struggle. So persevere because true joy is the reward, the prize, the gift.

May your love for Jesus produce perseverance in your life that brings glory to God and blessings uncountable to you and yours this coming year. Never give up on your pursuit of Christ because He will never give up His pursuit of you. He even came as far as heaven is to earth to humbly love us so unconditionally as to become One among us. Immanuel. God with us. Merry Christmas!

Grateful to be called His children,

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston

A Good, Good Father

Oh, I've heard a thousand stories
Of what they think You're like
But I've heard the tender whisper
Of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You're pleased
And that I'm never alone

They played this song at Xander's funeral. Just four months ago, this 8 year old boy's father raised his shaking hands in praise to our Heavenly Father--willing these words to be true.

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

I've sat by his mother's side in services since then and watched her sing these words, tears pouring.

Every time I hear this song now, I cry.

Oh, and I've seen many searching
For answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only You provide
‘Cause You know just what we need
Before we say a word

I cry for my friends and the deep pain they must bare. For the rest of their lives. 

I cry because how can they choose that song for their 8 year old son's funeral? What faith! What trust.

I cry because in my soul I have screamed at God, and I know there are still days I do not possess that faith and trust. Days I don't believe God to be good.

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

I cry because even after all my temper tantrums on their behalf and my own, I still end up right back at my Daddy's feet, letting Him speak over me and into me.

Cause You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

I cry because there's no better place to find Refuge and Comfort and Peace.

You are perfect in all of your ways
Oh, You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

I cry because when the emotional cycle completes itself, I inevitably find myself with hands raised, singing the truth of this song. Believing it's truth once again.

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

I can't explain completely in words how God always brings me back to this place, to this juncture, where I just know that I know that I know...my.God.is.Good.

You're a good good Father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Despite all the compelling evidence that appears to prove otherwise in certain circumstances, I have a certainty in my spirit, as a child of God, that my Daddy knows what He's doing so much greater and better and more so than I can even imagine.

Cause You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

If you're not a child of God, you think I'm talking crazy at this point. How does a "good" God allow evil, sin, death, war? There are many long answers to those questions. For me, what I keep coming back to is does a handful of terrible, nightmarish circumstances negate all the blessings of His Comfort, His Presence, His Help, His Encouragement over my entire lifetime? Once you've experienced, not simply tasted, what Jesus has to offer, how does anyone have a palette for any other option, god, or religion? It's like choosing to go with fast food when a Micheline 5-star chef is cooking dinner in your home every night for every meal.

You're a good good Father

So the Lord and I might continue to wrestle over this grief, these questions--and maybe you wrestle with Him too--but I was sealed by the Holy Spirit many years ago, marked for Christ when I made a choice to answer His call, take up His cross and follow. Follow hard at His heels. Follow without always understanding His ways. 

You are perfect in all of Your ways

And to choose to follow anyone or anything else always takes me down a dead end street where I sit lost until He comes and finds me again. 

Because, you see, I'm a child of THE King. I can question Him all I like. He may or may not answer--at all or in a way I like, but that does not change the fact that at the end of the day my place, my heart, my hope, my home is in His Presence, by His side, following hard.

So maybe you sit here grieving something of your own today. Because Lord knows, we grieve so. many. things. in this life. You're screaming at God. You're wrestling with Him. You're asking Him to answer you, to show Himself to you. You're crying in moments when you least expect it, and you're heart is heavy and hurting.

All I have to offer you is Jesus. Because that's all I can offer myself. Somehow, in some mysterious way, a relationship with Jesus is the only real answer--the paradox of finding complete comfort in the One you also place complete blame and responsibility. And it's statements like that that make Christ-followers sound completely crazy. I get it. I do.

But meditating on His promises, buried in His Word, singing praises to His name in the car, in my brain, praying for His tangible presence, needing Him to show up in small moments--that's where I am. And my friends, He shows up every. single. time.

You are perfect in all of Your ways

How? A text or phone call from a friend or family member at just the right moment. A song on the radio with just the right message. A time of prayer with the Lord where He just whispers back encouragement and assurance. Moments of mediation on scripture where I am filled with unexplainable peace, and I'm able to just breath deep His presence. I hear Him in the roar of the ocean, and see Him in the way a sunset plays across the mountains as it sinks. I see him in the caring words and hands of others, sometimes complete strangers. I see Him in all the GOOD.

Because the bottom line, He said it Himself, is that only God IS Good (Matthew 19:16-17). On top of Him actually being the manifestation of good itself, "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17)." He is the definition and embodiment of Goodness, the Giver of all that is Good. Yet any worldly circumstances that cause us to grieve never feel good. I will spend the rest of my life trying to explain the conflicting emotions and ideas that I feel as a human with flesh and spirit, satan's worldly realm and God's spiritual Kingdom at war in my life! 

But my experiential truth is that God is good, and God always wins. Even in the terrible things that cause us grief, God wins--somehow, someway He always wins in His perfect time. But only for those of us that choose to follow hard at His heels, that make time for being rocked in God's rocking chair, that beg and weep for Him to answer. For those of us who persevere despite the set backs in our faith. For those who choose Jesus.

God is God. He knows what He's doing ALL the time. I only think I know what I'm doing SOME of the time. There are days I still think I'd rather do it my own way, that God doesn't understand or "get" me, that this hard act of Christ-following just isn't worth it anymore. But I never get very far down that path before I'm faced with a decision, an emotion, a circumstance that sends me running right back into the Arms of the One who I KNOW has held me before, safe and steadfast through the storm, the scary, and the hard. 

My life is a living testimony to the Lord. I can't even argue with myself when I want to choose differently, decide differently, or believe differently. He's just proven Himself too many times before.

You are perfect in all of Your ways (Good, Good Father, lyrics written by Chris Tomlin.)

I still persevere in a hard place these days. I still question in rebellious pride. I get it wrong and end up in bad mental places--A LOT. Maybe you do too. But eventually, I always come home to my Daddy, my Bridegroom, my Friend, my King because I can honestly say He's my truest, reliably safe place. He's where I belong.