Some Details You Might Like....

So, I've been keeping a secret. I could call the whole world, and tell the same story a million times, but believe me, I'm much more interesting as a writer than as a conversationalist. So here goes...

I keep a journal for my children (Savannah) that Joey gave me when we found out we were pregnant with her. Here's the entry for Tuesday, December 23, 2008:

"Well, Merry Christmas my children! Yesterday morning I took a pregnancy test that came up positive! Now, granted, given the miscarriage in July, I freaked out, cried with every nurse that spoke to me since I went straight to the doctor's office, and I have prayed like never before ever since.

The nurse called back today to confirm that I am about four weeks pregnant, and that (as I suspected) my progesterone level is lower than they'd like. Well, I will start the meds today, and pray that God allows me to keep this little one. I'm hesitant to really think much about it right now, not wanting to become too attached in case this pregnancy doesn't work either. But a mother's heart can't help but love and hope the best for her children, even at conception. So in the weeks to follow, I will write more, but for now it is enough that the birth of this little one has been recorded with the rest.

Thank you Father for this Christmas present! I could not ask for anything more. I love You."

So concluded that entry. Christmas carried on as usual. I popped two progesterone pills a day along with my pre-natal vitamins, religiously, and I tried not to stress or worry or let any stray thoughts (like, Why am I still spotting?) get in the way of a wonderful Christmas. Joey was awesome. He prayed for me, held me when I cried when no one was looking, and smiled with me every time someone asked about baby number two or something like that came up in conversation. Our little secret. You might all hate us for it, but we loved every moment.

The spotting stopped by Friday of that week, Praise the Lord! We left Macon early to get my bloodwork done again, only to find they had misinformed me and the office was closed when we got there. I waited-a little on edge-until Monday, had my blood drawn again, then this is my journal entry for Thursday, January 1st, 2009:

"Well, it's official! My second set of bloodwork taken this past Monday came back VERY positive and looking good--progesterone and all levels where they need to be. I am so deeply grateful--still scared, but believing God--and deeply grateful. I can sense the wind of change beginning to blow ever so softly through our home, but I know this year will carry its storms as well. Lots of new, but all the more to draw us closer to our heavenly Father and each other. My daily prayer that I lift up unceasingly is that God will bless our family and hold us together. I am a bit overwhelmed even as I write...."

This entry goes on for another three pages, but that's all you need to know. So the days continued, and I prayed and I wondered. All those pregnancy "changes" I experienced with Savannah--not having any of those yet. No sickness, no pains in the chest area (if you know what I mean), nothing except a slightly widening, not pooching mind you, WIDENING, midsection, extreme fatigue (I've taken a three hour nap every day for almost two weeks now), and acne like you wouldn't believe! I know every pregnancy is different, but I was really praying for a good strong heartbeat at my sonogram on January 14th......

So I started experiencing extreme moments of "morning" sickness at different times of the day and not every day by the second week in January. The days where I felt nauseous all the time were miserable...and cravings! So early! Joey and I literally hopped in the car Friday night, January 10th, at 10:30 at night to go get me a Wendy's grilled chicken sandwhich! Stomach calmed immediately...so weird.

However, the coming and going of my symptoms has still left me worrying if my hormone levels are really sufficient enough to support the pregnancy. No one will ever understand how deeply that miscarriage wounded. So me and God had a pow-pow that same Friday afternoon, and I prayed and pleaded and begged for this child. Then I opened my Bible and read Psalm 20. Then I cried like a baby, read this passage over and over, thanking God that He hears AND answers His children. Our God is a good God who listens and responds. I'm not just another speck on this earth in His eye; I am His child sitting on His knee asking Him for all my heart's desires. Still, I wait, I bit anxiously for next week's sonogram. (What faith, right?...sigh...one day I'll get it.)

Special Moments: Yacking (HARD) in the toilet while Savannah stands right next to me watching. Looking up, smiling real big at her, "Mommy's OK. It's ok; mommy's ok." Yack. Smile. Reassure. Yack. Smile. Reassure.

So Wednesday morning the 14th, came and went, and the sonogram went as well as could be expected. The stenographer was a bit surprised at how small the baby was, but when I told her of my irregular cycles, she wasn't so worried. The downside for me was that I wasn't as far along as I had hoped--only six weeks and one day instead of the expected eight. Sigh. That blessed pregnancy test caught me pretty much right after conception! Good for me, and God's design because the progesterone stopped the bleeding, but OH, that just means I'm pregnant so much longer! The very best reason why you all are not reading this until I'm a little past 8 weeks pregnant.

We told all the parents that Wednesday, but made the decision to hold off telling the rest of the family and friends until the end of the month. Here's your first look at the peanut inside me that's making me so sick!



Did I mention how sick this little one is making me? My sickness now lasts pretty much around the clock, but puking is expected at least once after 3:00pm. I am grateful for the sickness...as ridiculous as that sounds...because that means all is well in babyland, but I must say that this sucks! Life not so much fun right now, but full of joy and gratitude...well gratitude at least-the joy waxes and wanes=) And that about catches you all up to date on my life for the past month.

By now, everyone that would be offended by finding out I'm pregnant via blog has already been phoned, so hopefully, everyone else won't be offended, and will enjoy all the details. Thanks for celebrating with us and praying with us! More sonogram pictures to come after the 6th! Oh, and my expected due date is September 9th for all those wondering=) Love to you all! Praise God!