Looking Back to Look Ahead

Not two days after I had printed, stuffed, & stamped my Christmas letter for this year, did we get the phone call from corporate office at Chick-fil-A.  Joey got THE job!!!!  His dream since he first applied to Chick-fil-A after graduating from Kennesaw State University in 2000 was to work on staff.  Back then, they saw a young face, fresh out of college with not quite enough experience to suit their needs.  Joey knew God had called him to work for Chick-fil-A, so when they said, "How about becoming on operator?"  He swallowed his dream, and said, "Whatever it takes.  This is the company for me."

And so began our 10 year journey as Chick-fil-A owners/operators.  In 2001 we got married and, he moved from operating a Chick-fil-A inside a Kroger with about 6 people on staff including himself, to a run-down mall in Chattanooga when chicken prices were high and he worked open to close some days to keep labor low--he also actually ran a profit out of that store, and that's saying something.  Next stop (2004) was his first free-stander chance in good, ole' South Cobb.  He took over after another operator, and during those years, we experienced our greatest blessing financially; we also were DINKs during that time (Double Income No Kids); nevertheless, his performance at that store warranted his receipt of a brand new store four  miles down the road.  So in 2007, with our first baby on the way, he birthed another baby of his own, his chance to prove himself and create a store that had his name on it.  A real chance to show Chick-fil-A what Joey Durham was made of.

And he did.  He fostered a staff that respected him as a leader, that we loved dearly, and who treated his customers with care.  He developed systems and ideas that worked well, and he earned the respect and loyalty of his business minded customers.  Yet, he still felt God calling him to more.  He always feels God calling him to more, and I love that about him=)

So in 2009, with our second child on the way, he followed God's direction again and started the MBA program at Mercer University.  We buckled down, became super intentional about our family time and life, argued often, took lots of deep breaths, and stayed bowed at the feet of our Lord, clinging to His ankles for life support.

In November of 2010 the dream opportunity came into focus.  You see throughout these ten years, Joey never lost sight of nor the desire for the dream of a staff position at Chick-fil-A, and believe me, I saw him beg in tears many a time for God to remove that desire, and He never did.  It seemed that now, the time was ripe.  Business consultant positions were coming available, and people were talking about Joey's desire.  And so the long, thirteen-month interview process began.

We couldn't talk about it for LOTS of reasons, but for the entirety of 2011 we have been nose deep in prayer and patience and waiting and hoping.  For thirteen months, my husband interviewed on and off with different individuals at the home office for varying positions.  I'm not joking when I say I lost track of the number of interviews after about twenty had taken place.  For 13 months, my husband served as VP of the Atlanta Marketing Board trying to fix a budget and influence change into the heart of a market all while keeping a free-standing store running at top speed that was experiencing exponential growth in sales all while under the scrutiny of home office employees because why should they hire him for staff if he can't even run a good store? For 13 months, we road the roller coaster of interviews and waiting, while he also managed to finish the last three semesters of his MBA, which anyone knows are always the hardest, and all the while, my husband supported me, loved me, and was there for our family.

Oh, there were times I felt his absence both physically and mentally, but God was so good to fill in any holes in our relationship with Himself, and believe me when I say He is more than enough and all we both needed.

So when Joey got the phone call at 5pm on Wednesday, December 14th, 2011 to formally accept an offer from Chick-fil-A corporate to become a financial consultant for the southwest region, we were ecstatic!!!!  The waiting was over, the answer was clear, a new adventure would finally begin!!!  A new chapter to be written!!!!

A. New. Chapter. To. Be. Written.....Thursday night after we received the news and reality began to sink in, I cried myself to sleep and woke up Friday morning still crying.  For two nights I had had horrible snake dreams, and I had to admit to myself that I was scared. to. death.  Scared of change, scared of loosing my husband to travel and long work days, scared of losing my quality time I've had with him for 10 years, scared of losing the flexibility and unlimited vacation days we've had for 10 years.  Scared of starting over and arguing about his phone usage and time he would be getting home all over again.  Scared this new job would interfere with his relationship with his children.  Scared that with the reality of his dream, our family would pale in comparison, that I would inevitably, in time, lose my husband completely.  Just plain scared.

And that morning he laid in bed with me, on a Friday morning (the busiest day of the week at his store), and he held me while I cried.  He set the kids up with Pop Tarts and a movie and crawled back in bed and kept holding me while I cried.  He was there for me, always has been, and I trust that will never change, but more importantly, as I dried my eyes and finally crept out of bed around 9:30am, I found myself clinging with all my heart to the truth this last year has taught me, the only truth that will carry me through the rest of my life, through anything....

I believe it took 13 months for Chick-fil-A to hire Joey not because they had any questions about him, but because God needed those 13 months to teach me that I need to need Him more than I need to need Joey. And I'm ok with that.  When I breathe in the truth of this statement, I can freely breathe, I can relax, I can trust, and I can move on and keep living life.  Joey's new job isn't so scary.  Raising two kids in a messed up world isn't so scary.  Being alone at night while Joey travels isn't so scary.  Because I need God more than I need anyone else in this world.  I know that now.  That's the lesson 2011 has taught me.

And this lesson did not come easy.  It came by laboring over God's Word and seeking for Him.  It came through countless conversations with my husband.  It came covered in tears and questions.  It came during tense moments, periods of doubt and double-guessing, and long days of simply doing the next thing.  Doing the things that I know God commands like loving others, fellow-shipping with other believers, giving to those in need, serving the Lord in how He leads.  This lesson came while I was doing life for the Lord.

It was no grand epiphany.  It was no moment of AhHa.  It was waking up one morning and realizing that I no longer coveted my husband's time and attention for myself.  I coveted the time and attention of my Father in heaven, and for Joey, I wished nothing more than that God would use him to impact the lives of other leaders, men, operators with the God-given influence the Lord has gifted him.

And this lesson of needing God more than I need anyone or anything is a lesson I will keep having to learn.  I'm not going to live each day to the fullness of this reality, but I can confess and move on and reclaim the victory I have in Christ.  I can depend again and lean fully again and let go again after I inevitably take the reins again.  There will be more lessons in life to learn, but this one is a milestone.

In the first of this year, I accomplished a huge goal, then found myself in a strange place trying to piece together all that God was teaching me.  Look back at those links, near the bottoms of those posts, see what I wrote and listen to where I am now in this post.  No one will ever be able to convince me that God doesn't work in our lives!!!  I have written proof and account of His sovereignty and plan as the Great Weaver of all things Good in our lives.

Am I still scared?  Absolutely.  No question.  But I choose to focus on all the good God has lying ahead for our family.  I will look past all that I perceive I'm losing, and look forward with gratefulness to all that God is doing and will do.


"Thank You Father that Joey got this job; that he gets to live his dream!  So few men in life get this opportunity.  Thank You that You have gone before us, and that You will provide the time and adventures for our family.  Thank You that my husband will be home every Saturday for the next 10 years because that has not been part of our lives.  Thank You that this lifts an unseen burden off the shoulders of Joey, so that he can live a longer, fuller life by Your blessing.  Thank You for each opportunity you will provide Joey to reach the lives of other men & operators.  Thank You that my children will see a living example of hard work and perseverance in their father.  That they will see it always pays off in full plus some, even if 10 years  of perseverance must go by before the realization of their dreams.  Thank You for making Yourself fully present in my heart and life as to fill the gaps I knew would be there and will be there.  Thank You for trusting us to be good stewards of yet another journey with You.  Praise Your Most Holy Name!  Amen!"


What is it, my friend, that you dream? desire?  Have you offered it up to the Lord?  If it's still there, He hasn't taken it away, do you still work for it?  Do you persevere to do the things you know you must do now to achieve all that you dream of then?  Never give up.  Never lose sight.  Never lose hope.  Look back to see what the Lord has done and look forward to where He will take you!!!

Christmas Letter 2011

Ok, so in case you didn't get one of these, here it is=)  I apologize to anyone who feels slighted...I simply ran out=)  If you did get this, scroll to the bottom for an addendum=)


Dear Family & Friends,                                                                                                     December 2011

This year I find myself writing with a full heart and in an overflow of gratefulness.  God has truly shown Himself good to our family this year, and as I write, I believe He’s not finished with us yet because this year still has a few more weeks left in it! ;)

This year Weston turned two and with adenoids removed and a new pair of ear tubes, I feel like my little boy just came to life over the summer.  He is so much fun!  And funny too!  He keeps us in constant stitches and giggles with his “Ahhh man” comments and other little man quips.  His dry humor, only understood through his still broken speech, just adds to his adorable smile and mischievous ways.  He’s learned to keep his sister in check, and the two of them play so well together; it’s truly heart-warming and an answer to prayer.

Savannah turned four this year, and I have been amazed and so grateful for her sweet attitude, caring heart, and helpful hands.  She is very capable and independent, but deeply concerned for the well-being of others as well.  I have enjoyed watching her little heart for God grow over this year.  She still can’t explain what it means to ask Jesus into your heart, but she adamantly claims that she already has.  I look forward to the day when she can completely understand and walk the aisle in baptism professing what I already know is deep at work in her heart.  Is that day not the completion of the best a parent can hope for?  A great answer to so many prayers?  I am expectant and so grateful to a God that works in our lives even as children.

I have kept busy with a long list of things this year among which I include the completion of two half marathons, one sprint triathlon, a Warrior Dash, and a Muddy Buddy Race.  I have fond memories of each, and I look forward to what this next year may hold for physical challenges.  I also was able to begin Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) in January, and I cannot say enough about the Biblical principles and spiritual growth I have experienced through this study.  The spiritual growth I’ve seen in my children through their children’s program is even more amazing, and it’s all free!!!  I highly encourage anyone searching for something solid and straight Bible to check out their program.  On top of this, probably the best decision we have made as a family this year was to join Burnt Hickory Baptist Church after the first of the year.  God has truly, deeply blessed our socks off through the ministry, people, and friendships we have made here.  I feel like we have finally found a church to call home for the next long season of our life, and I am beyond grateful for this blessing.

Joey officially graduated with his MBA from Mercer University in August of this year, and I cannot be more relieved to have that behind us, but more importantly, I am so proud of my husband.  He finished this degree while enduring the regular day-to-day difficulties at his store, weathering a pregnant wife and birth of a second child, and all the while managed to be there every time I needed him.  He stressed, but it never put a huge strain on our marriage, and I never felt neglected in the two and half years this took.  He is truly an amazing man of God with a great future ahead of him.  I believe God is already in the works to use him for His mighty purposes to bring glory to His holy name.  I look forward to the adventures 2012 holds for Joey because I know God is just beginning to use his leadership of our family for great things.

And there you have it, the year in review, in a nutshell.  All praise to our heavenly Father who chooses to give His good and perfect gifts!  We are so unworthy, yet still He is faithful.  What a mighty God we serve.

May this season of celebration grace you with an expectancy in your life of all God is capable of accomplishing in just today and even more so in the tomorrows to come.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston

So the addendum is written over here if you haven't seen this post yet.....

"Because I Said So"

I have been participating in Bible Study Fellowship for over one year now, and it is changing the way I view life because it is opening my eyes to the pages of Scripture like I have never seen before.  God is meeting me daily in the pages of His Word. He is fitting together pieces of my spiritual puzzle.

This year, in the book of Acts & Hebrews, He is sewing together the Old Testament and the New.  Explaining the old covenant, so I can better understand the new covenant Jesus set in place by His death and resurrection.  I am finding answers to age old questions that have been deep in my heart.  And let me be honest, I've been in church and been a professing Christian since I was four years old.  There have been seasons in my life where I seriously wondered was there anything more?  Is there anything new God can teach me that I haven't already read?  I mean, I've read the Bible through cover to cover at least ten times or more.  I am constantly reminded of good things I need to remember, daily instructions for living I need to be prompted to apply.  But something new?  Fresh?  Mind altering?  I've read it all before, and yet....

God is still surprising me by blessing my socks off with the depth of what is in His Word!!!
I mean, I've read Hebrews a thousand times.  My life verse comes from this book of the Bible (see signature below).  But this year, under this style of structured study through BSF, I am understanding Hebrews.  God is lifting a veil off my eyes of understanding, and people, I am REJOICING in the words I am reading!!  What a mighty God we serve!

But let me tell you something...it is HARD WORK.  I am laboring over study questions, begging God to give me the right answers, and He is faithful.  (Just another fine example of how hard work and perseverance pays off ten times more than taking the easy way out, but I digress, this is a soap box for another day for the audience of a younger generation=)

So in our small group this past week, one of the more seasoned ladies in the group, throws her hands up and sighs, saying, "You know.  I am doing the best I can with these questions, but sometimes, I just want to write down the answer, 'Because God says so.' Isn't that what our parents always said? Sometimes that just needs to be good enough."

I found myself biting my tongue and squirming in my seat a bit.  Right then was not the time or place to take issue with this respective elder over what I thought.  You see, I have always had an issue with this "because I said so" answer.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I have given this answer to my children before, but a majority of the time, I have given this answer out of exasperation, frustration, lack of time, energy, or let's be honest, my own knowledge on the subject matter.  As a parent, all of these are wrong motivations for giving this answer.  As a child or younger adult receiving this 'because I told you so' answer backed by these motivations, I always found myself indignant, frustrated, and ready to buck the system.

When a child asks a question, 'because I said so' shouldn't be the go-to response, but only the answer after careful consideration.

'Because I said so' is the answer you give when the answer is too mature for the child's understanding, when the child is in danger and a prompt response is required, or when the answer to the question can only be learned through trust and experience--faith, not basic knowledge, a character building moment.  These are just some examples as to when this answer is acceptable.  Because sometimes God asks this of us.  Sometimes He sits on His throne in heaven, and we cry out, "Why God?!  Why obey?  Why love this person?  Why go here?  Why do that?  Why?!!"

And in the moments when He needs to teach us to trust Him to have faith in Him and His work, He says, "Because I said so."  And we either submit to His will and are blessed, or we rebel against Him and are hindered.  Hebrews 11 is a whole chapter of people who did things just because God said so.  Abraham probably being the best example of them all.  He followed God into the desert, never knowing a permanent home his entire life.  He was willing to sacrifice the son promised by God, and I'm pretty sure (someone, correct me if I'm wrong), I can't find a single place in the Bible where he asked why or what or how or when.  He just went, and I guess God really never had to say "because I said so," but in a way I think Abraham probably implied it.  And Abraham's faith was credited to him as an example of great righteousness throughout God's Word.

And then there are the times when life is too mysterious, too overwhelming, too much, and we cry out, "Why God?!!  Why did this happen?  Why did you allow this?  Why?!!!"  And we in our state of despair, and our weak state of emotion, clarity clouded, we cannot handle God's answer right then.  His wisdom would be too much for us to bear.  So in His wisdom, He says, "Because I said so."  And He pulls us close in comfort, and He allows time to pass and wounds to heal before He begins to open our eyes to the real answer to our question.

Don't you know Job had to feel this way?  Except, here's a perfect example of a man who cried out to God with many questions and got many answers in return.  God isn't afraid of our questions, nor do I believe the questions themselves anger Him, but it is the attitude behind our questions sometimes, our true motive that can cause us to sin.  Don't you know the difference between your child's heart-felt, inquisitive, seeking questions and his or her petty, sarcastic, or ridiculous ones?  Doesn't God?

I am finding that more times than not, when we ask God questions, He gives us answers.  His Word spells it out for us.   Why obey?  Why share?  Why spread the Good News?  Why believe in Christ? Why be content?  Why not covet?  Why not lust?  I could continue to give a long list of examples, but I'm hoping people are following me here.  Moses asked lots of questions.  He gave lots of excuses for why he shouldn't serve and do the Lord's will as well, but ultimately God has an answer for every excuse he gave, even to the point God burned with anger against Moses, but He still answered him. (Exodus 4:13-14)

So God answered and will answer a lot of questions when asked.  If my parenting is to be a shadow, a picture, to my children of how God interacts in our lives, then I need to answer my children when they ask real questions because most of the time God answers me.  I need to give them a logical, a scientific, a reasonable, or most importantly a Biblical answer to as many questions as I can, even if I get to the point of burning with anger.  Unfortunately as sinful, human parents, this is the point where most of us sin and begin screaming or ignoring or throwing out the "because I said so's"; God in His infinite perfection can burn with anger, answer us, and still not sin.  Amazing.  Yet He WILL answer.

Because what I'm finding in life is there is a reason for everything.  God is not a God of chaos--spontaneity (or what we perceive in our limited human view as spontaneous), maybe, at times, but not of chaos.  So if nothing is chaos then everything has a purpose to fulfill a reason to be.

So when my children ask me questions, I always try to give them an appropriate answer.  Yes, I might have to take a deep breath and roll my eyes and try to explain something that is completely over their heads.  But it's an answer, and a correct one.  Yes, indefinitely, I often have to look at them and say, "I don't know.  I will have to think about that and get back with you."  But at least that is an honest answer.

It's not unusual for a conversation in our house to look like this in one thousand different forms:
"Savannah, please go get your coat on."   "Why Mama?"  "Because it's cold outside, and I need you to obey me."  "Why Mama?"  "Because the Bible says children need to obey their parents because this is the right thing to do.  God will bless you."  "What is 'bless' like Mama?"  "Bless means to make God happy.  He will smile on you." Careful look of thought crosses her face.  "OK, Mama."  And off she goes to put on her coat.  Were we late and rushing out the door?  Yes.  Did everything inside of me scream to say "because I said so!"? Yes!  Would I have missed a teachable moment?  Most definitely.  Does this happen all the time every time in our house?  Unfortunately not, but if my children seem to bug you with their questions sometimes, it's because I do try my best to answer them.  To teach them.  Because the only real gift I can offer my children is my time and attention, and if I can't give them that, if other things, places, and people are always more important, then I feel I have missed my personal calling with my children.

And then, on that teachable occasion when my attitude is right and the question arises where the answer is too mature or too much or my child's attitude is inappropriate or the question is petty, sarcastic, or ridiculous or the circumstance begs for immediate obedience in that moment, I can calmly and firmly answer, "Because I said so."  And my prayer is that my children trust me because I've proven faithful before to answer all their other questions, I pray that in this moment, they trust and obey that Mama knows best, and maybe later when the time is right, she will explain the reason.  Or maybe I won't, and they will have to be OK with that too.

You see, God is so busy in my life right now, answering so many questions in my life through His Word, that I believe when a time comes, and I turn to Him and cry out, "Why Lord?!", and He answers, "Because I said so." I will have no choice but to close my mouth and submit to His will because He has proven Himself faithful over and over and over again in so many other ways.  Why not this question too?

The Best Gift

I have a deep almost urgent desire for my children to not just like to read, but to LOVE to read. To devour words as food. To pour over their meaning as a stream runs over a rocky riverbed. To laugh and cry and feel the words of a text.  This desire sits in the pit of my stomach and stirs an ache in my soul so much that I am constantly looking for signs in my children that this skill is a difficulty, so I can catch and correct it early.

Why you ask? Why such a deep sense of urgency?  Of importance?  

Some might say its because of my own love affair with the written word. Some might say because I am a teacher by degree, language arts being a specialization. Some would point to my home school background.  And each assertion would be truth, and up until this morning I would have asserted any of those to be my reasoning as well.

But this morning, the Living God met me in His Holy Word, and His presence overwhelmed me to the point of tears.  

His ultimate blessing of Jesus Christ is doubled by the gift of His Holy Inerrant Word.  Tripled by the blessing of the Holy Spirit, but that's another post for another day=)

If my children cannot read, they cannot devour the holy words of our Lord for themselves.  I ache inside for the illiterate--people of all ages--who are made powerless and ignorant by their inability to read.  The same is true in our own spiritual walks, we are powerless and ignorant when we choose not to delve into all God has to offer in His Word.  Every question is answered within it's pages--every question.  You just have to study and look and pray that the Spirit opens the spiritual ears of your heart.

I NEED my children to read, and read well, because I NEED my children to know and see and hear and feel and taste the power of the One True God within the pages of the Holy Bible--and to do all of these things well.

So what do I do about it?  If I do nothing else right in a day, I read to my children before nap time and before bed time.  It's a non-negotiable routine in our home.  We read all kinds of stories because their bookshelves are loaded with timeless children's classics (secular and non), books of meaning to family and friends, books for fun, books for learning, books about God, books about nothing at all.  They get to choose which books we read, and no matter how bad a day it's been or how neglected I may have made them feel up until this point, they get Mama's undivided attention for these 15-30 minutes a day.

Like Jesus' mother Mary, these are the moments in my heart I will store and ponder and treasure.  Good days, bad days, sunny days, rainy days, weepy days, and days of laughter--all stopped for a moment's time with two little children on either side of me, propped up on a bed full of pillows pouring over the gift of words and imagination and truth and of the bond between a mother and her offspring.  These are the moments.

As mothers, we all have our strengths and different dreams for our children.  Your strength may not be reading like it is mine.  It may not be an all-consuming love.  You may prefer music or movies or conversations or playing together.  All valuable in their own way, but please, I implore you, value the written word as well.  Don't just hear the teacher in me talking, begging on behalf of all the sixth graders I taught who couldn't read much less write a complete thought on a page.  Don't just hear the writer in me that adores each letter of the alphabet and the endless meanings they can bring to mankind.  

Hear me in this advice as a child of God, a sister in Christ, who has learned and continues to learn the power and revelation within the pages of the Bible.  Even if you HATE to read yourself, make the sacrifice for your own children because the gift of God is the best and most eternal gift we can give our children.  And God lives and breathes and moves between the pages of Genesis and Revelation, and when you look up from those words, suddenly He lives and moves and has His being in everything around you, surrounding you completely.  What better gift can you give???

More tips for encouraging reading:

1) Decorate your home with books.  Even if you never read them, just the presence of books on a shelf displays value and importance.

2) Make reading accessible.  Our bathrooms are filled with magazines, which yes, are still considered and promote reading even if they aren't Ivy League reading material although the Harvard Business Revue comes pretty close=)  Every room in our house has access to something to read.

3) Decorate your walls with Scripture, words, meaningful quotations.  You can't help but read them, and one day neither will your children because they are there for you to see.  Think about how many times you've read the decorative plaques, etc. in your parents' or grandparents' homes.  You have them memorized, yet you still read them every time you see them.

4) Read to your children.  Read anything they ask about.  Billboards on the side of the road, traffic signs, road names, instructions, directions, recipes, the side of the cereal box.  If they ask, take the time to read it to them. Read it to them even if they don't ask.  Read it to them even if it seems silly or unimportant or a waste of time. 

5) Read passages straight from the Bible to your children.  I started reading out loud to my children in the womb, but purposefully at the age of 1 year.  It's not a waste of time.  Even if they don't understand now, they will understand later.  Think about how many times you've had to read the same passage of scripture before it sunk in and you really understood what it was saying.  Get your kids an early start on the number of times they've heard that passage=)

6) Have fun!!!  School will come along soon enough and the "have to" of reading will drown out the fun.  Instill the fun now, so that your children know some reading is for work, but there is reading out there that is for pure entertainment.  Life is a balance of what we need/have to do and what we enjoy doing--build the fun now before the not-so-fun begins to take over=)

7) Maybe the most important, make sure your children see you reading yourself.  If all they ever see is their parents watching a television or computer for entertainment, then that is what they will learn to value and look to for entertainment and eventually their entire intake of information.  Read a newspaper in the morning.  Stop and read your mail in front of the kids.  Read a book outside or by the pool while they play.  Even better, let them find you reading God's Word and praying, spending time with the Lord.  That will leave an impression they will not soon forget.  I know I haven't.  Thanks Mama.  Thanks Daddy.

Obedience. Grace. Salvation. JESUS.

(Not gonna lie folks...this is a long one...this is what happens when I can't find the time to get words in my brain down onto paper any sooner...I'd love to hear thoughts if you find the time to hang with me=)

Obedience.  Grace. Salvation. JESUS.
These are the words God keeps rolling over my mind with a rolling pin, gently kneading me into the tasteful creation He has in mind. I'm grateful that He's still kneading and hasn't needed to start pounding yet;)

Obedience. I'm starting to realize more and more what God means when He says children are a gift from the Lord. They are not just a gift to the one's who are "ready"--the pregnant 13 year old is evidence of this. They are not just a gift to those who are prepared, healthy, financially secure, or "at the right place in life." They are not just a gift to those who want them, to those who are spiritually or in any other way mature. Children are simply, straight up, an undeserved gift from the Lord. Next to salvation, maybe one of the most profound gifts He gives to teach us about Himself and ourselves. I find this to be truer every day.

Every time I begin to grapple with the deep responsibility of raising my children in the Lord, I am faced with overcoming my own hypocrisy.  If I am to teach my children to obey, I must obey. Sounds basic right? Really? Is it? What does obedience mean? Why do we obey? What's our motivation?

For me, I would go out on a limb to say obedient is probably a word I would use to describe myself growing up.  I mean all kids mess up, but in comparison, overall, I think my parents would back me in saying I was a rather obedient child.  Obedient to the point where friends and family constantly made fun of me for being a goodie-two-shoes or being too straight-laced and/or naive.  The question I am examining now is why have I always been obedient?  Sometimes it was obedience out of fear of getting caught, fear of punishment, fear in general.  I think mostly I obeyed in order to gain approval, acceptance, and favor.  Sometimes I obeyed blindly for no other reason than it was "the right thing to do," or it was what I was told to do.  All of those reasons may be good reasons on occasions in certain situations to obey, but the problem comes in that none of these reasons captured my heart.  None of these reasons reached into the core of my being and produced a heartfelt, desired obedience--a joy-filled reaction prompted out of deep devotion that lasts over time.  All of these reasons produce temporary obedience where pros and cons have been weighed and obedience is volunteered.  I'm beginning to believe that true obedience is involuntary.


So when I look at my children, and I try to teach them true obedience--a truly captured, heartfelt response that produces joy-motivated action--what is the key?  This is the answer I have come to embrace: LOVE.  When I love Jesus with all I am in all I do, when the things I say are centered around loving Him, when the things I think and do are focused around how to show Him I love Him, I end up obeying His Word without even trying!!!!  And I don't know about you, but this AHA! moment is changing the burden this life can lay on my shoulders.  The only thing I really have to do is love Jesus.


Throw the long lists of to-dos out the window.  I don't HAVE to DO anything.  I don't have to have an hour long quiet time, or go to church every Sunday, or teach three different Bible studies, or attend two other Bible studies, or pray unceasingly all the time, or do, do, do, do, do.  I don't HAVE to do any of this.  The only thing I HAVE to do is love Jesus.  (After all, as a Christ-follower, this is the greatest commandment. Matthew 22:36)  If in doing so, if in response to the Holy Spirit out of love, I feel moved to do these other things, then to God be the glory!  There is no burden felt when you do things out of love. Think about that.  And if there is a burden felt, it's not the same as the burden of a "HAVE to", it's the weighty joy of the burden of a "WANT to."  That's what my new prayer has become--Father give me the desire to want to love You in all things.

My inmost being is captivated with my beloved Christ.  I want my outward being to show that to be true.


And my kids?  The only thing they really have to do is love Jesus as well, but until they can grasp that and understand that, I teach them to love Jesus by my example of loving Jesus.  I love them, they learn to love me in return.  If I can teach them obedience stems from love for others--a love for Christ, that would be a foundation that will answer every why in life to come.

Sidebar: (I can only hope a conversation like this goes down one day: "Savannah, why do you listen to your parents and do what they say to do all the time?"  "I don't know.  I guess because I love them, and I know they love me too."  Really?  That's a hard answer to argue, right?  If only my children would be this secure in our love for each other in Christ!  Oh the things they will accomplish for God out of pure love for Him!)

So in essence, Savannah learns to obey me because she loves me.  Does God Himself not say, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." (John 14:15)  Would it be so wrong to say the same thing to my own children, "If you love God, you will obey what I ask of you."? Whoa.  Talk about some weighty words.  This assumes that the things I ask of them are of God, that I'm loving God in what I ask of them to do.  Gut check.  I better be 100% sure of my heart motives and directly plugged into the Holy Spirit before I require obedience of my kids.

And so, what about when Savannah doesn't obey me?  This is why it hurts so much--it's a form of rejection of me.  She's not loving me when she disobeys.  Just like I'm not loving Christ when I disobey Him.  Double ouch.


Therein lies the beauty and deep undeserved blessing of grace.  I do not live condemned or guilty though that is how this world will make you feel, and that is the prison in which satan will try to hold you.  I am a new creation in God's sight by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone.  God shows the ultimate love of us all by freely offering this grace along with the gift of salvation.  This makes me love Him even more!!!  In all humility and unworthiness, I love Him deeper for this ultimate sacrifice and gift.

Therefore, I must learn to freely offer His grace to my children as well.  Immediate obedience needs to be taught.  Consistent obedience needs to be taught.  But my children must also experience His grace through me, or that deep love will never grow, and involuntary (true) obedience will never be experienced.

What does this look like?  Well, that's a harder question to answer.  Let me retell a story to illustrate...

My babysitter caught Savannah in a lie the other night.  Called her out on the carpet for it too.  "Savannah, you know you just lied to me, right?"  Savannah simply nodded.  My babysitter extended her grace by not punishing her anymore than simply calling the sin to her attention.  She moved on through the evening routine with the children.  Randomly throughout the rest of the night, Savannah would come running to her, balling her eyes out for no apparent reason.  Finally, during one of her random fits of crying, she confesses to our babysitter, "Miss Savannah, (yes, our sitter's name is also Savannah) I just want to say I'm really sorry for lying to you."  Our sitter's heart melted, and she comforted our daughter by saying, "Ah, sweetie.  It's ok.  I forgive you, and I'm not mad at you.  You can stop crying."  And the crying stopped.

All that to say, the grace our babysitter (probably unknowingly) extended to Savannah by not punishing her for the lie ultimately allowed the Holy Spirit the time and space needed to work in her little heart.  She ended up showing obedience by confessing to the lie and asking for forgiveness without any punishment needing to be given.  And let me tell you, I guarantee Savannah loves and respects our babysitter even more now than she even did before--and believe me, they l-o-v-e her.  My kids practically kick us out the door when she shows up.

Now obviously there is always a time and place for discipline and appropriate consequences--these build boundaries, trust, and security for our children, but every now and then, grace extended under the right circumstance reaps true obedience and captures the heart.  Grace and obedience must work hand in hand with love.  I'm not even sure you can really separate the three anymore.

Maybe the harder question to answer is when do you extend grace or extend discipline?  Well, since we are not God, we will never do this perfectly like He does.  Who are we to question His methods with certain people, right?  So really the best answer is we have to be so in love with Jesus and God and His Word that the Holy Spirit is our mind's guide, not our fleshly conscience.  So I'm left to circle back around to this very concept again, I must simply love Jesus.  Every day I'm still learning what this looks like, feels like, and lives like.

I think I will spend the rest of my life learning this....kind of exciting...kind of thrilling...kind of gives life meaningful purpose...trying to actually love Christ as much as He loves me.  The ultimate challenge.  Never attainable, but isn't it human nature to at least try to attain the unattainable?  I think God made us this way on purpose, so that we will never get bored in eternity trying to out-love Him=)  At least this goal helps me live a life worth living in the process.

So if someone were to ask me right now, what is your purpose in life?  My purpose is to love Jesus.  And if they ask me why?  Well!  Just let me tell you what He did for me.....=)

September Smiles

 OK, I'm a little behind as always, but these pictures turned out too good not to share, so I'm recapping September for those who'd like to know...

Callaway Gardens with Mimi started our month in September.  Good times, good memories, and LOTS of new experiences and adventures=) 

 Do you see these kids???!!!  I mean, I've been blogging since Savannah was just a baby--look back in the archives--I just can't believe how big they've grown.  My mommy heart aches, but I am so proud of them, so unbelievably humbled that God has loaned them to me for this short time here on earth.

 Weston is my little chillin' man.  He's gonna break some hearts one day, and Savannah, well she's all joy as always--loving life and everything about it.  A trip to the HillCrest Apple Orchard was such a fun family outing.  Their first petting farm....

 Her favorite?  The kittens of course 

(I am HIGHLY allergic).

  Weston, well he wanted to put the animals down just as quickly as he had asked for them=)  The picture of him with the lamb below just makes me laugh.

 These are my two kids.  I pray they spend the rest of their lives experiencing adventures together in all this life has to offer.  The best of friends--this has been my prayer since they were born.  Next up, first pony rides and some photo ops with a bull...(Savannah is just so not a toddler anymore...she became a girl overnight...and yes, I know the bangs are hideous, but such is the growing pains of growing them out.)

 The many faces of Savannah, and I picked just a few for the blog....

  Told them both to make a funny face for this next picture...they both just make me laugh=)

 And last but certainly not least, September 29th brought us the blessed presence of my second first born niece for the 2011 year (seems our family is 3-0 for having first born girls)--Karis Laurie Harper is finally here and adorable.  Who would have thought our clan would ever turn out such a tiny little girl.  At 6lb 9oz, she's been the tiniest of us all.  Welcome baby girl=)  Guess Weston is just gonna have learn to live it up in a woman's world for now=) 

More thoughts in the works....hope you enjoyed the update though!

August Gifts

Yes, it is the end of September, and I am just now blogging about August.  Some experiences you just don’t want to forget without sharing….

Weston turned two on August 12^th, and in preparation for his birthday, I took Savannah one day to buy him a birthday present.  Now she’s been earning her own money for a little while now—small amounts for a few basic chores like feeding the dog—when she remembers or I remember to remind her=)  Anyway, she had about $3.00 in coins saved up, so we headed to the dollar store.

You should have seen her.  She was so giddy with excitement; she couldn’t help but smile the entire ride in the car, her little legs kicking back and forth in her seat.

            “Savannah, what do you want to get Weston for his birthday?”

            “I’m going to buy him a bike, Mommy, so he can go for walks with me on my bike.”  My heart ached and thrilled just a bit at the same time.  Her heart was so big.  Her intentions so pure.

            “Well, honey, I don’t think you have enough money to buy him a big bike, but you might have enough to get him a toy bike.”  I watched as her demeanor fell just a bit, but she soon recovered.

            “Yeah!  Ok, mommy, we will get him a toy!”  Big smiles again.

Pulling into the Dollar General, she skipped inside and carefully began perusing the toy aisle.  Picking up this toy and that, carefully selecting which toy would be the best fit, not just for Weston, but for her budget, she finally decided on a small battery-powered hand drill.  Both my kids love to help out Daddy with his jobs around the house=)

Choice made, we headed to the cashier, and I watched as my daughter literally poured every last dime she had earned over the past months onto the counter, and we began to count.  That drill cost all she had down to the last dime, and she didn’t even flinch.  She just hopped up and down with the excitement of presenting her brother with her very own gift and didn’t bat an eye at the cost to herself.  My heart strings began to tug.  Oh to be a child again with naivety of the world, of all it costs.  No wonder Christ treasured the heart of a child—it is unencumbered to sacrifice for Him—heck, Savannah didn’t even know what she was sacrificing!

And then as we turn to leave the store, purchase in hand, my little girl runs over to the ice cream bin, and with wide-eyed wonder gazes at the choices.  Still with that silly grin, in all innocence she asks, “Can I buy an ice cream for Daddy and Weston and me?”

What was I to do at that point?  Tell her “no”?  My heart overflowed with a sense of compassion and goodness, pride and humbleness all at the same time.  It was tangible favor.  I was pleased with her good heart.  She had just freely sacrificed all she had, and now she wanted to give more (and let’s be honest, get a little in return as well).  How could I deny her that???  

         "Well honey, you spent all your money, but because you did it for your brother, I will buy these ice creams for you to share."  And so I bought the ice creams.  One for Daddy, one for Weston, and one for her.  Money well spent.

As I recall this in my mind, I can’t help but think about the verse: Matthew 7:11 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"  Don’t you know my experience with Savannah is exactly how God looks on us, His very own children?  When we get so caught up in the cost of giving all of ourselves—financially, physically, etc.—we miss out on the outpouring joy and goodness of the Father when we ask to give more (and maybe get a little in return too.)  I mean if we all gave like my little girl—open heart, joy-filled, naïve to the cost or maybe just not so concerned, sacrificing it all for another—I honestly believe God could not deny us anything when our heart is in line with His desire for us to serve others.  We would always benefit vicariously if not directly from these sacrifices.  It makes me want to just give abandoned more often.  To throw money, time, and talents at anyone God brings across my path. (The emphasis here being God and not people, places, and things of my own seeking.)

I want to experience the good favor of our God smiling down into the lives of others through me.  I want to skip giddy to the store and spend all I have for the blessing of someone else.

Not to earn my Heavenly Daddy’s good favor and smile upon my life, but to receive it unexpectedly in a pouring out of His great loving heart and effortless goodness.

After all, He’s a parent too.  How can He help it?

We Weep

September always finds me in the one month of the year where my children are only one year apart, and I always reflect, and I always cry.  In just one short month, I have a four year old and a two year old in this house, and I weep.

I'm a mother.  I've accepted this is what we do.
We weep for the time past.
We weep for the importance of each moment of the present.
We weep tears of joy and apprehension for what is to come.

A friend of mine today mentioned that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs because you literally parent yourself just as much if not more than your children.  What you see in the mirror is reflected back in their actions and is imprinting on their hearts.  And I weep, because "Oh dear Lord and Father in heaven, what I see is a mess!" most days.

I weep because I know my children will inevitably inherit and battle my same weaknesses and inadequacies in some format.  I weep because even though I desperately seek the Lord and beg Him to change me, I know I will never be perfect, and I will pass down these imperfections to my two little ones.  I weep because they will struggle just as I.

And then I weep because I fall on my face and beg God for forgiveness and change and understanding and a passion to do better, to seek Him, to find Him, to know Him.  Because only in this unwavering pursuit will I be able to find the path my children need to take.  Only if I focus on Him and in essence forget about them, will they see Christ in this life.  In this home.

I weep because in my own confession God already pours out His sweet warmth of grace and comfort and assurance that He has called me as His own, and He will call the hearts of my children as well.  I weep for blessed peace this undeserved grace brings.  The tears flow softer.  The ache lessens, but the weeping is as necessary as breathing.

My God collects all my tears in a bottle.  I'm jealous.  How I wish I could do the same for my own children. To let them know that each of their hurts were so precious to me that not one tear goes forgotten or unnoticed.  I weep because I am grateful for a God who can and who does and who will continue to do so.

Now tears of thanks, I weep because--Praise God!--He reminds me that my children will not just inherit my weaknesses, but they will learn and develop in the light of my strengths--God's strengths really.  His gifts of talents, character qualities, abilities, and passions to me will be the areas my children will learn to thrive in as well.  If they are wise.  A wise person always seeks to emulate all that is right and change all that is wrong.

I weep in prayer for that kind of wisdom for my children.  I weep in gratitude that my God hears and has already answered such prayers.  He is already doing a new work!  In me, and in my children.  I weep for joy knowing the strengths God has given Joey and I will only be added to the strengths He will give our children.  If they will learn to live in the light of our Lord, they will learn to see and recognize both our strengths and theirs.  In learning that all their strengths are all because of God and all their inadequacies because of their own sin, they will be greatly blessed, and they will greatly bless others.

I weep inwardly again knowing that I must lead them in such a way that they see these things, that they learn them, that their hearts are turned toward the things of God.  Grace wipes away tears.  I can do nothing.  God must do everything through me for them.  I must seek my God and love Him no matter what.

As mothers we weep.  For all these reasons and more.
We weep for the time past.
We weep for the importance of each moment of the present.

We weep tears of joy and apprehension for what is to come.

We weep, and God collects every tear, so not one is meaningless.

Happy 2nd Birthday Weston!

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A July Snapshot

So why is it that each month of the year seems to fly by progressively faster and faster?  July is long gone, but I'm still smiling from all the memories....

....fourth of July storms rained out our fireworks plans, but I'm pretty sure this picture is the epitome of the only thing I think would be better....notice Savannah actually holding Weston's hand=)...

The rest of the first half of the month was spent shopping for and preparing for a family Baby Shower Palooza on my side.  You see, my family hails from all corners of the earth, but we have definitely mastered 1) the art of throwing a LARGE party and 2) the fine skill of cramming as much into two days as possible--every one's in town, why not???-- while still making everyone feel they are special=)  The pictures I have here are from my sister's couples baby shower...she's due October 7th....

Amy--the other preggers in this pic--is actually due August 20th.  I would have posted pics from her baby shower except I don't have any of them yet=(  Needless to say, everyone else in this picture threw two large baby showers in one weekend...mad props to us!!!

And all hail to the preggers--can't wait to meet our nieces or nephews--they are both surprises!

Saturday night, smack dab in the middle of both showers, was the only day this entire year my entire family will/would be in one place all together.  So after a fabulously successful shrimp boil--thanks to my most marvelous mama--you know we had to take more pictures=)

....Matt, Em, and new baby Hartley....

...Tim, LA, & Baby Harper....

...Markus and his fabulous girlfriend Bethany--I will probably have to put this one on my fridge because it makes me laugh so hard....

Pictures of my family, you ask?  Well, although we did take one at my parent's, we also had a fun, quickie photo shoot done with my talented "boss"=)  The sunflowers were amazing, and this photo pretty much sums up my kids' personalities in one click (even though I'm not a fan of how I look myself--no fault of Dezirae's, just bad styling on my part), but look at these rascals...

...and last but not least, the perfect photograph to commemorate mine and Joey's tenth year of marriage....

...and the sunshine on these sunflowers is the feeling I have when I think of July.  I am richly blessed in more ways than I can even begin to count.  I'm hoping when school starts back here shortly I might have more time to share my heart and mind here on those matters, but until then, I'm still basking in the sweet, God-given glory of July.

Thank You June

Yeah, so there was so much that happened in the month of June that each activity really deserves it's own post.  However, seeing as it's the third week of July, I'm afraid what little loyal audience I have left will have to be content with about 40 pictures and snippets of praise.  Really that's all that's worth recording anyways=)  Enjoy!

Thank you Lord for....

#129 new family additions!  Welcome Hartley Elizabeth Bounds--June 2nd is a fine day to enter this world=)
#130 a safe delivery and beautiful baby girl
#131 the joy on a new dad's face-priceless
#132 the love in new mom's eyes-unmistakable

#133 another milestone complete-second Sprint Triathlon completed on Sunday, June 5th--sorry no pics=(

#134 my husband and two children that brought tears to my eyes and energy to my step as I started the 5K leg of the race

#135 that those three people in my life erase the loneliness in life

#136 family-God knew we'd need encouragement

(In case I don't get around to writing another blog about this race, I did finish 5th in my age bracket--WOW. With a final time of 1:58.29. Under 2 hours-woo hoo!! My splits were a long story for the swim, 1:13.03 bike and 30.50 run, making that my fastest run ever at just under a 10-minute-mile pace!! So excited!  God is so good.  He met me every second of that race.)

#137 good friends like the Gootees

#138 a fun day at Cagle's Dairy Farm learning about this world You've created for us

#139 gardens to harvest

#140 siblings to share in the fun

#141 so many created animals to care for and learn from

#142 first experiences caught on camera

#143 the joy of a child's curiosity

#144 baby cows, goats, sheep, chickens, and ducks

#145 learning so young that caring for things, animals, people is our God-given gift

#146 Rosie the cow and her fascinating milking demonstration

#147 a mom who's not afraid to try new things

#148 a Muddy Buddy race that challenged us for 5 miles together

#149 a great start

#150 an incredible, one-of-a-kind finish (1hr 12 1/2 minutes total time)

#151 making memories--the dirtier the better in my book=)

#152 a dad who's always been right there cheering us both on--and taking all the great pictures=)

#153 the joys of Vacation Bible School

#154 allowing me to watch the hearts of young children grow to love you

#155 the BEACH!!!

#156 one precious little girl

#157 one darling mess of a boy

#158 that they already take on the world together

#159 sandcastles-'cause they are made to be enjoyed and destroyed=)

#160 siblings who laugh and squeal and create and destroy together

#161 siblings who fight--means they're human and normal

#162 family--my cup overfloweth

#163 cousins

#164 possibly two of the biggest "chiefs" I know sharing a steering wheel=)  Good thing my uncle is older and wiser=)

#165 sweet little boys who love their mommies

#166 fathers and sons and legacy in the making

#167 the God-given financial provision to be able to experience Sea World with my girl

#168 finding amazement and wonder in all God's creatures even at the age of 31

#169 the opportunity to spark and grow a love and respect for God's creation in such a close way in the heart of a child

#170 capturing memories that will last a lifetime

#171 children who love every experience of every moment and aren't afraid to face their fears and take some risks

#172 the opportunity to face their fears with them and share in their new found loves

#173 quiet strength and dignity even at such a young age

(Although, disclaimer, he did scream A LOT on the beach--He wasn't always this sure of the sand.)

#174 apprehension and the lessons it can teach too

#175 one cool dude=)

Hopefully you enjoyed the pictures if you made it this far=)  June was a very full month, but not just full of events, it was full of life and family and love and memories.  I truly wish I had more time to give to each of these events, to document them in the way they deserve.  I pray all these photos are enough to trigger my memory one day.  Only time will tell=)  "Thank you, Lord, for June! And July is already off to a great start=)"