The first week of November consisted of a speeding ticket (not mine..whew), a flat tire, a little family drama, a paycheck reality check, the putting down of our dear little Lila bean (may she rest in peace), and some $400+ car repairs. They say things come in sets of three, but SIX? Really?
It has been a little trying, and although my dogs are definitely not my life anymore, when you have to put down a loyal and trusting part of your family, it leaves holes of emptiness that echo with twangs of pain every now and then. It didn't help trying to explain things to Savannah. When I told her that Lila was very sick, and that she would not be coming home because she needed to go home with Jesus so He could take care of her, Savannah promptly dropped to her knees, angelic hands folded, head bowed, propped on the rocking chair ottoman, "Dear Jesus. Please take good care of Lila and help her to feel better. Amen." The sweetness stole my heart.
Gratefully, Savannah offered complete acceptance of the change in circumstances from that point on. When asked what happened to Lila, she would simply say, "She went to live at Jesus' house, so He could take care of her." It was sad the other morning, when she woke up in tears a week or so later. She threw her dramatic little self into my arms when I went in to get her up, and little body shaking, she cried for about two minutes, saying how much she missed Lila at Jesus' house. Broke my heart. Just goes to show that nothing is lost on little eyes and little ears. Their little hearts feel things the same as we do, but on such a more tender and innocent level.
Parts of me long to recapture that innocence. Every day I am aware of the truths of this sinful world that chip away at my children's innocence, solely for their safety. "You can't go running all the way down the sidewalk away from mommy. Not every person is a nice person. They could take you away from mommy." What a sucky conversation to have to have with your three year old. To be the one that has to steal their joy of freedom in order to protect them, yet I'm still the one that will inevitable jade their view about the perfect world they live in. My guidance and protection and offerings of truth and reality will forever color how they see the world. "Lord give me wisdom. May my children grow in the perfect peace of Your presence and knowledge of Your truth without having to live in fear, nor ignorance."
Let the balancing act of life begin little ones. There's so much more to come!