Refilled and Poured Out

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves. 2 Corinthians 4:7

 "Lord, all of You. None of me. Please just fill me up. I really have nothing to give."

This was my heart's desperate, quiet plea right before going on a mission trip. Before the trip even began, I was keenly aware I was leaving on empty. Emotionally, I was managing grief. Physically, I was managing sickness. Mentally, I was drained by the preparations for leaving my family at home to go and minister to others besides them.

My Jesus showed up. Every day in a different way, God just showed up. All week.

Looking back, I just marvel. I was drained in every sense of the word, but also filled with a peace, joy and satisfaction that only comes from being an empty vessel used for God's purposes. Life felt abundantly full, yet I was keenly aware of just how empty I was in all the best ways.

I remember a friend questioning me at that point in my life. She thought I was stretched too thin. She cautioned something had to give eventually. Right? Maybe? Maybe not.

What if our capacity for serving God and being used in His kingdom is simply a matter of how much capacity we allow for being completely emptied by Him for His purposes every day? By how long we are willing to sit still in His presence and be refilled for the pouring out? What if it's that simple?

People say, "I can't do that. I don't have the money for that. I'm not gifted for that. That's not my strength. I could never commit to that. I can't give up that. I don't know how I can make that happen. I don't think I have the time."  And the list goes on. I've said all these things at one point in my life.  

Enter truth. God doesn't fit inside a box of I that I create. I'm limited, but He isn't. I can't sometimes, but He always can. Where I am weak and empty, He is strong and overflowing. However, I rarely experience His abundance because I'm too busy operating within the box of I where I create and I control. Inside this box are the things I know I can do, the things I know I am good at doing, things where I already have the resources, and the things I'm sure of accomplishing in my own ways and strength.

I can live a good, moral, godly life accomplishing those things inside the box of I, but I only experience the promised ABUNDANT life when I'm at the very end of myself with nothing left to offer or give, and yet I still say, "Yes," to God's calling, ways, plan, will, commands. I still walk through those open doors of opportunity He presents even when it's scary and hard, and I have nothing to offer but a vessel willing to be filled by Him.

Today, I'm sitting in a season of refilling. For a type-A, productive personality, this desert of activity feels like a punishment. Yet, I know and trust my Jesus. This is not a punishment; it is a gift--a season of refilling. I'm in a place where I know I need more of Him and His ideas and His plans and less of mine. Oh, I'm still trying. Trying to fill my days and my time, but He keeps putting me right back in my home and whispering, "Wait. Renew. Refresh. Find Me with you here. In this space."

The seasons of refilling are just as important as the seasons of pouring.

I wonder how many of you are willing to let go, take a step of faith, and step into a yes to God in your life that does not fit in your box of I? I wonder what glory and power God will display through you when you do? I wonder how many of you need to accept your season of refilling and discover God's abiding presence in your desert of activity?

"Father, I know my box of I well. I know what I'm good at, where I can serve, where I can add to Your kingdom, but I submit to Your plan, Your process of renewal. I will wait, I will pray, and I will seek Your face, and should the day ever come again when the rate at which I'm being poured out seems too great and too much, I will cling to You in that day as well, knowing You alone can turn water into wine and make two loaves of bread feed 5,000. You are the Source and the Gift; I am just the vessel. Use me as You see fit, Lord."