When You're Not Sure What To Do Next

There is one message the Lord keeps repeating into my life these days:

 "Do the hard thing." (Hebrews 10:36, 39)

I'm really good at goal setting and doing and formulating a plan and accomplishing and list checking, so for me, this "doing-the-hard-thing" means I'm suppose to be still, so still that all I can hear inside my head is Jesus and the ocean.  You know that sound a conch shell makes when you hold it up to your ear?  That's how still the inside of my head, heart, and body are suppose to be.  And for me, this is a hard thing. A very difficult thing. It takes spiritual discipline and work for me to rest in my Savior alone, to quiet everything about myself, to allow Him to quiet everything within and without me. (Psalm 37:7; Psalm 46:10)

For someone else, you love being still.  You would rather do nothing else but sit and rock and bask and ponder and just be in God's presence.  By nature, you are borderline lazy, at least that's your tendency. You ignore and/or avoid all forces that might make your body at rest begin to move, either physically, mentally and/or spiritually. But instead, God's asking you to move, to put feet to your faith, to dive in, to get busy, to say yes to everything He brings across your path. Read that book, attend that conference, do that mission project. For some of you, this is the hard thing. (James 2:14-26)

For me, I'm suppose to stop thinking.  I'm so hyper-aware of all the spiritual forces and realms that surround me and weave themselves in and out of my everyday life that I see meaning in almost everything, and I drive around town thinking and mulling and picking apart and piecing things back together in my head, trying to make sense of how God works, and it wears. me. out.  I'm good at being analytical and critical and all those higher-order thinking skills.  That's my sweet spot! So what does God speak to my heart? "Stop thinking. Do the hard thing and stop making this beautiful world I've fashioned just for your pleasure so dad gum complicated. Do the difficult thing and be simple. Enjoy. Don't think." (Psalm 19)

For someone else, you are oblivious to life on any level other than the immediate physical circumstances surrounding you.  You take each day at a time, exactly as it is, never looking past the nose on your face.  You are unassuming, possibly very resourceful and street smart, quick on your feet. But God is telling you, "Do the hard thing.  Open up your eyes!  Look.  Be aware. Connect the dots. Life is so much more than it seems. See Me in everything, everywhere. Learn more. Put yourself in a position to be held accountable for more knowledge, more virtue. Grow in Me. Do the difficult thing." (Acts 17:22-31)

For me, I'm suppose to pray.  Pray more often.  Pray about more things.  Pray without ceasing. Pray out loud. Pray whenever over whomever the Lord leads. Pray as the first resort. Pray about the stress of making a grocery list. Pray about the choice of salad dressings. Pray fervently with great passion for the people God brings to mind. Pray in tears, crying out for the Lord to listen. Pray until it hurts. I'll be honest, I don't know what this looks like.  I don't know what this feels like.  I don't even know where to begin some days other than to just start talking at any point in time to Jesus, other than to attempt to carve out time in my day to actually be folded over on my knees.  Because I'm really good at listening and learning, but I don't do so well actually interceding and asking and believing that God will really come through.  And sometimes it's just weird and uncomfortable to pray out loud over people, but God keeps telling me to do it anyway. Do the hard thing. (Philippians 4:6, Colossians 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, 1 Timothy 2:1-2)

But for you, you may be an amazing prayer warrior.  You always know what to say, how to say it. Prayer is a talent, a gift, a calling for you in your life.  But maybe what's difficult is listening.  Maybe God is calling you to spend less time talking and more time bent over in silence at the foot of His throne, ears and heart open to receive what He's saying.  Maybe for you that awkward, deliberate silence, that active listening is the hard thing.  God says do the hard thing anyway. (Habakkuk 2:1, Proverbs 19:20, James 1:19, Psalms 34:11)

My type A personality has taken every personality, spiritual gift, whatever test, assessment, etc. that is on the market.  I've studied myself for a long time, and I feel like I have a real sense of who I am and where my strengths lie.  But God keeps repeating in my mind, "It's in your weaknesses that I am made strong." In other words, He doesn't want to use my strengths right now; He wants to use my weaknesses. He wants to make me work all the muscles in myself I've ignored and let atrophy because our culture shouts, "Play to your strengths!" God persistently just whispers to my soul, "Do the hard thing and let me go to work in your weaknesses." This is truly the hard thing, the scary thing, the most difficult of all things. (2 Corinthians 12:5-10)

And for you, maybe you are keenly aware of your weaknesses.  You can name every one. You dwell on them and use them as excuses for why you can't do anything or go anywhere or talk to that person or do this or do that.  Blaming your weaknesses has become a lifestyle. You need to take a closer look at yourself and face the demons inside that surface when you look at your past and how you have been formed by God's providence into who you are today. And God says, "Do the hard thing and learn to love yourself, learn to see yourself as I see you.  Learn how I've gifted you, how you can be completely and totally fulfilled when living within the unique set of strengths, talents, and gifts I've given you out of the generosity of My heart. Do the difficult thing and know who I say you are and who I've created you to be and why your story matters." (Psalm 139, Ephesians 1, 1 Corinthians 12)

And those are just a few small examples of how God challenges us to grow and stretch, of how He's growing and stretching me.  If it's challenging in the moment to focus on my husband and give him the attention he needs, then I need to do that.  If it's hard for me to stop everything and see and listen to and be with my children, then I should do that. If it's trying for me to not write everything I'm thinking on a blog or in my journal, then I don't write, and I'm learning to pray it all out to the Lord instead. 

Do the hard thing, the difficult, challenging, scary boundary-pushing thing.

If you're wondering what's next in your life, where God might be leading you next, if you're in God's waiting room wanting to be used, but you just don't know what to do next, I challenge you to do the hard thing.

Do the thing that seems impossible for you to accomplish in your own strength, but so abundantly glorious for God to accomplish in you through His strength!

Whatever it is that makes your stomach turn or knot, whatever it is that makes you inwardly cringe or shift in your seat nervously and uncomfortably, whatever it is that scares the life out of you when you even think about it--do that, volunteer for that, make time for that. Those small twinges of fear, doubt, hesitancy, all those "I-really-don't-want-to-do-that-right-now" moments--do those.  Do those hard things until they become easy, and you find yourself moving on to something else that is difficult for you to even imagine accomplishing.

Because people, God is fully present in the difficult, scary, challenging, hard things, no matter how small or insignificant they may be. God doesn't just call people to go live in foreign countries. He asks people to trust Him to travel to a foreign country for just a week out of the year. God doesn't just call people to pray over large congregations of followers, beseeching the Lord to incite revival among His people. He calls people to pray out loud over their neighbor when she tells you she's going through a divorce.  He doesn't just show up in the Beth Moores on stage in front of millions of people.  He shows up in the car ride conversation you have with your five year old about how God can be three people in one. He shows up in that moment when you share your heart in answer to a question during Bible study. God provides and sustains in the midst of ALL the hard things, big or small. (Philippians 4:13)

So if you need God to show up in a big way in your life, stop trying to do things the same way every day.  Stop ignoring the Holy Spirit because that hesitancy to do a good thing, a right thing, to take a holy stand in faith--that stomach ache or nervous heart beat in the back of your throat--that's the Spirit nudging you to do that difficult thing.  Stop ignoring that Voice or putting it off until the Voice fades and disappears and that uncomfortable feeling goes away and you can settle back into a comfortable life of ease and predictability. DO THE HARD THING.

Make that phone call. Send that email. Pray over that person. Write that letter. Send that gift. Buy that random item the Spirit puts on your heart for someone else. Take advantage of the opportunity to make that apology. Stop what you're doing and pray--pray out loud. Pull over to the side of the road so you can take advantage of a teachable moment or conversation.  Do the weird, crazy thing that makes no sense other than God is urging you to do it.  Don't feel like you have to explain it.  If someone asks, just tell them, God wanted you to do it!  Do the hard things and see if God doesn't follow through by holding up His end of the bargain and filling in all your doubts and fears and what ifs with Himself completely.

And fellow Christians, we have got to stop comparing ourselves to those around us because as I've hopefully tried to outline above what is hard for me to follow through with out of obedience is probably not what is hard for you, and I truly believe God is calling His people to deny themselves, take up THEIR cross and follow Christ. (Matthew 16:24-26) My cross may not be the same hard thing as your cross, but I guarantee you it's just as heavy.  It costs us all everything we have to follow Christ, so I'm praying God continues to remove my critical, comparing eyes and replace them with encouraging, compassionate ones instead. Let's do our hard things together instead of constantly feeling like we are less than or have to be better than someone else.

What is the hard thing today, right now in this moment, that God is asking you to follow through and do?  I hope you can hear me cheering you on to do it! Go for it!  Trust God and do the hard thing!!!

Surrendering to Stillness

God is moving in my life deeply in a way that is hard to wrap words around.

He's literally called me to a place in time where I am to BE STILL...and breathe. Really breathe. Breathe deep His presence.  Breathe deep His glory and majesty in His creation. Breathe in the blessing of my family.  My family.  Just the four of us. Breathe in a Genesis 1:2 moment in time--the stillness of beginnings.

I've continued in BSF again this year, and God is already beginning to plough the fields of my life with the study of Moses.  Moses who spent the first 40 years of his life thinking he was somebody, only to spend the next 40 years of his life as a nobody, so that God could use the last 40 years of his life showing the world what God can do with a nobody by turning him into a somebody for His glory.

I want to see God's glory.  I've asked to see it, and God has answered, "Here you are.  Here am I. Trust Me with the three remaining most precious things I have not removed from you.  Trust Me fully and be still and watch Me work...in you."

And so I am learning to see space for God's opportunity in the white space of availability on my calendar instead of believing the lies that I do not matter, that I am forgotten, that I am useless.

I am learning to relish hours of long quiet moments in time when I can actually sit and take in and breathe deep the beauty of this land where I live.  Not just stare at the bird feeder in passing, hoping one day I will have a moment to go refill it, but actually taking time, not hurried, to fill the feeder and sit and just watch birds.  Just watch birds.  Practicing being still.  It's the practice of filling a day with rest and meditation and prayer, instead of a long list of things to do, and believe it or not, this is so counter cultural and opposite to my own personality that I find this to be harder work than the list of things I love to accomplish!

Because believe it or not, I didn't realize I didn't know how to be still anymore.  Do you?  Do you know how to be still?  Not just take a nap or a vacation or lounge for 30 minutes over a cup of coffee. To have nothing so pressing in your life more than the responsibilities of raising your family and being a godly spouse, being a true child of God.  No planned activities.  No family to call and invite over. Heck, with a three hour time difference, I find it difficult to even call my family! No church function to attend.  Nothing to volunteer for.  Just space and time and stillness....and God.

His presence is palpable in the Stillness. Seriously, sometimes I can almost physically feel my Jesus right beside me.

No, there is a deep, abiding stillness enveloping our lives here that requires we only follow God's cloud cover by day and His pillar of fire by night.  (Exodus 13:21) That's it.  Nothing more.  He's even provided all the manna we could ask for.  We have all we need.  Now, it's time to settle in to the stillness and follow God wherever He leads us next.  I'm trying not to search for anything more than that.  All it requires is my availability and courage to make myself available.  I'm not walking through any doors that God doesn't hunt and find and open for me.  No, my days of hunting and pecking and opening for myself have dwindled to a stopping point.

Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness of Midian with just his family.  He became intimately acquainted with the wilderness.  God used the wilderness to humble him and mold him.  He spent 40 years in Midian with only his wife and child to minister to him.  No one was probably more prepared to wander in the wilderness of Sinai that would come next more than Moses.  I wonder if he ever actually came to love it?  To call the wilderness home?

We all have a choice as to what wilderness we choose to sojourn.  Like Moses, we can allow the wilderness to mold us into who God wants us to be or like the Israelites we can moan and whine and complain and rage against a sovereign God, letting the wilderness kill us, heart, body, and mind.

I choose to be molded.  I choose to be wrapped in silence and stillness for as long as God sees fit because I think my heart has finally grasped the truth that I am NEVER truly alone. (John 16:32)  Loneliness is a lie from the devil.  Stillness is a rare treasure from God.

I should have been seeking for the stillness sooner.  I should have been seeking it not only for myself, but for my family.  I should have built a cocoon of stillness around our lives, creating a haven in my home where Stillness was honored, appreciated, and practiced, but I let the busyness of every day life dictate my "ministry" instead.

My family within the four walls of my home is my greatest ministry, and had God not physically removed me from my busyness in all things good and godly, I think I might have missed raising my children.  I think I might have missed the small conversations and teachable moments in the chaos of trying to remember where I had to be next at what time.  I think I might have missed connecting with them because I was too busy making sure they had a relationship with every other member of our families back East.  I think God saved my family from my own blind ambition by bringing us to California, by placing us in stillness.

(Deep Pause)

I am grateful for the stillness.  It is deep and warm and intimate here in the land of my sojourning. There are difficult days.  Days when you wish you were remembered.  Days when the thorn in your side of loneliness throbs deeply.  Days when you fight the antsy, urge in the bottom of your throat to just do something for the sake of doing something!

But no.  The lesson is to be still.  So be still I will learn to be.  As my favorite podcast coined, 'I'm going to sink down into this stillness and just BE.'

I'm going to sink down, sink in, and learn what it means to savor.  Savor time to snuggle with my kids and just watch TV together.  Savor time to pack a picnic and watch time pass as the sun settles into the ocean for bed.  Savor so much white space in my life that I can sit at my kitchen table and stare out my patio window for hours if I like, Bible open, heart open, ears listening.  I'm going to be still and savor.

And in His time, God will move me.  A burning bush will call me out of the stillness back into the fray.  You can be sure He will never let you get TOO comfortable=)  And my prayer is that when He calls, when I return from the stillness, I pray with all my heart I will not be the same woman who sits here typing today.  I pray I'm stripped of pride and filled with courage and faith. A deeper faith than I've ever known. I pray that I will have learned how to be a still person on the inside despite the circumstances whirling around me.

Which probably explains why my blogs have been so few and far between.  Dropping off the radar of life is not necessarily a bad thing.  It's definitely not a bad thing when you're being obedient to God's call.  For me, it means I'm careful about when and what and how I blog.  May God always get the glory!  For some, it may mean deleting that Facebook page, monitoring the number of hours you and your family spend on "screens" during the week, or maybe it means cutting down or cutting out extracurricular sports and activities in your life that you find yourself just doing because everyone else does it.  I think my pastor said it best this past Sunday. I want to spend my life doing less things of more importance than doing more things of less importance.  Let that sink in.

True Stillness requires sacrifice, which is why I believe it pleases God. (2 Samuel 24:24)

And should you choose to do the same, should you choose to drop off the radar of life in following of His obedience to a calling He's spoken to your heart, know that He is not through with you yet.  He's not benching you.  He's conditioning you.  And it's ok to quit everything and be still in your own home with your own thoughts with your God who loves you more than life itself if that's what He's calling you to do.

We need to learn how to practice stillness.

Praying you find the joy of the Lord in the stillness of His presence alone. (Psalm 16:11)

Christmas Letter 2014

I post this every year, usually after Christmas, but well, life happens, right?  For those of you we missed on our Christmas card list, forgive me, but this is really the most important part anyway--our family testimony of the Lord in our lives in 2014.  Praying anyone who reads this will find JOY in 2015.  Enjoy being God's child and enjoy the loved ones around you this year, and don't forget to use every avenue and opportunity possible to tell others how being God's child changes everything about your life. Happy New Year!

*****************************
Monday, December 1^st, 2014

Dear Family and Friends,

From January to June, we saw God walk us through the biggest transition I have yet to experience in my life, moving East coast to West coast, away from all that I’ve known for 34 years into nothing I’ve ever experienced before, and my testimony is that our family has seen God, we have experienced His presence, and I have known He sees us right where we are.

From January to June, He led us through selling the home where my babies were born, to living with my parents, to landing our family of four here in southern California.  I saw His hand in every step, every tiny detail that just worked itself out. Eighteen days to sell a home in a neighborhood full of foreclosures in a still-recovering economy at a price where we still made money.  That was God.  I saw Him in the relationships of those we left behind, and I continue to see God working in the relationships we have formed here in California. I saw the Lord support our entire family emotionally, giving us strength to endure with joyous hearts and grateful attitudes.

I saw the Lord even in the tenuous circumstances around finding our home, and He found us the perfect home!  Spacious, open, beautiful backyard on a golf green, right next to the highway, ten minutes from the kids’ schools.  That was God because homes like this in California are hard to come by.  We literally had three to choose from when we started looking, and this one the Lord just dropped in our laps, literally.

And then we landed in California, and I haven’t seen Him stop working since.  The Lord brought friendships through friends from Savannah’s school.  Their kindness to a complete stranger over the summer still overwhelms me when I think about it. I continue to be blessed by their open hearts.

It took a few months to find the church we call home now, but in the three months of visiting churches, the Lord was faithful to provide encouraging sermons almost every Sunday from different pastors and through different experiences—that was a gift from God, water in the desert.  When we heard the practically applicable heart of Pastor Ambrose at Pacific Coast Church in San Clemente, we knew we’d found a home, somewhere where we could find refreshment in honest, Biblical preaching, somewhere we can praise God with others for all He is doing in our lives.

Our neighbors are amazing!  From the first day we arrived, the kids in the neighborhood befriended my children, and each of those kids has become dear to me. I see God in providing this unexpected blessing.  We prayed for it, but couldn’t have planned for it when choosing our home.  We also have a neighbor who adores our dog Samson and has been so kind to open her home and heart when we need someone to care for him.  What a blessing!  An unexpected, unplanned blessing from the Lord!

We are truly in a season where God is pouring down manna from heaven in every format. We are humbled, grateful, and overwhelmed by the responsibility to share His blessings, as good stewards should.  We are looking and open to the opportunities the Lord places in our paths, but we also find ourselves in a season of stillness.

There is stillness in our activity, stillness in our friendships (to some degree, although I am grateful that stillness is beginning to ripple with new faces), stillness in our extracurriculars, stillness in our church involvement.  We are simply being called to be still for a season.  To enjoy the Lord and tell everyone who will listen how He has been so faithful.  To enjoy our children.  To see them grow. To grow with them. This stillness is a gift I did not expect, and although there are days when my entire being grows antsy to “do” something, the Lord is quick to remind me I am “doing” exactly what He’s called me do by just being exactly where I am today, in this moment in time, being a mother, really learning to be a godly mother, and being a wife, really pressing into what that needs to look like for my marriage and for my children.

Blessings!  Gifts! Unmerited favor!  This is our testimony.  There are no illnesses to report for the entire year, no major set backs, no complaints.  Weston is excelling at his two-day home school co-op for Kindergarten at Heart Christian Academy. Savannah is doing well at Grace Classical Academy, a school of excellence of which I am so grateful to be a part.  Joey loves his work, and we are enjoying the perks of his travel not being cross-country any longer. I am in love with California—its beauty is palpable; it sinks into my soul.  The ocean is my second home here. I never knew how much it ministered to me until I could be on it every day if I chose.  It’s true you never miss what you’ve never had.

Savannah memorized Psalm 19:1-11 at school, and I feel like it is the perfect summation and testimony to who God is in our lives right now, a testimony to all that He is Righteous and His ways are right. I pray that in reading those verses you too will be humbled by the greatness of our God, drawn to the desire to do things His way--exactly His way--because our family has found there is no better way.

And so with grateful, joyous, overflowing hearts, we are living life in California, building new relationships, strengthening the ties that bind our family of four, and actively looking to see where God shows up next because I promise you, I think He has shown up every day for over a year now in my life, and I can’t stop looking for the next glimpse of His goodness, the next revelation of His glory.

Sigh.  So many verses!  The entire chapter of Psalm 16 speaks testimony for our family, but I will leave you with verses 9-11:

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will You let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with JOY in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.

May your family know the incomparable joy of experiencing the presence of God in your lives this Christmas season, for isn’t that what Christmas is all about?  Celebrating Immanuel, GOD with us, His very own presence born here on earth to be experienced by man? True joy!

Do You Recognize the God Moments?

My son's teacher emailed last week to remind me to stay for chapel on Tuesday because little man would be receiving the character award for this month in his kindergarten class.

Imagine my delight and knowing thankfulness when she informed me he would be receiving a character award for none other than JOY.

I found it no coincidence that the Bible verse we memorized for the month was Psalm 16:11--the same verse that has been written on the chalkboard in my bathroom since our journey to California first began.

"You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."

There has been JOY throughout this entire journey. Joy in the changes, joy in the process, joy in the disappointments, joy in the transitions, joy in the loneliness, joy in the hard, joy in the new. Ever-present JOY.

Which leads me to finally write down a definition of joy for which I've been searching, based solely on my experiences: Joy is experiencing and being filled with the moment-by-moment presence of God in your life.

It's not simply the knowledge that He is there. No, I've always known He was there. Believing He is an omnipresent God has never been the issue.  Practicing living my life in a such a way that I realize He is actually WITH me at all times--now that's a whole other discipline in itself. (Matthew 28:20)

Experiencing His presence in the every day, the mundane, the ordinary,  the grocery-store moments, the car-driving interims, the twinkle of a child's eye, the mention of something silly in a conversation or on the radio--experiencing God in all those moments--this is where the rubber meets the road.

Joy is an experience of the Holy Spirit. It's a continuing event. It's not just a state of mind. Joy occurs when you open your eyes to the eternal life of all God has created around you, to the truth of how He has designed you. Little 'ole you. (Ephesians 1)

One of my favorite authors, Ann Voskamp, writes in her book One Thousand Gifts about seeing God in everything around you, even the tiny bubbles in your dish washing water. When I first read that, my immediate reaction was, "Ok. I get where she's coming from. But come on. Really? Soap bubbles? Isn't it exhausting, a little over the top to see God in everything?" And quite honestly, I scoffed a little thinking, "Well, Ann just might be a little too holy, a little too deep for me."

Really?  Is there any such thing as too holy? Joy abounds in the experience of all things holy, and since this world is sinful and fallen and eaten up with the unholy, sometimes we balk at things that are even subtlety holy...like seeing God in soap bubbles.

So if God is the only true Holy Entity in all of creation, then seeing glimpses of God anywhere in anything  (like soap bubbles and ocean waves) is probably the best we're going to get to actually seeing the holiness and glory of God in this sin-filled, fleshly body.

And to see God, even just a glimpse of Who He is, to relish in a moment that God is choosing to reveal Himself through a set of circumstances, a person, a place, a thing, a thought, a song, anything--to be aware of and to capture that moment with a smile and prayer of awe and gratefulness--THAT process, THAT experience, THAT continual event is JOY. It equals joy. It is the definition of joy.

And if you're blissfully ignorant or distracted by busyness or naively unaware, undiscerning--you will miss the God moments happening all around you. Like the gift of sunshine on a day when your heart feels heavy. Or the phone call from a friend when you are in the pit of loneliness.  What about that Bible verse that popped out of nowhere into your day? Or the neighbor you've never really spoken with gladly opening her home to care for your dog?

Do you recognize the God moments? Are you tapped into, abiding in the Holy Spirit such that you see Him? (John 15:5) Hear Him? That Voice that said turn left instead of right that kept you out of hours of traffic--did you thank Him for that? That prompting to stop what you're doing and play a game with your kids then having conversations with them you could have never prompted. Did you thank God for that prompt in your spirit?  Did you give Him the credit--the glory--where credit is due?

This is joy living, friends. And it's not always hugs and butterflies and good feelings. What about that verse you felt the Lord leading you to tape to the middle of your steering wheel? (Psalm 62:8) And then she dies and that verse stays taped to your steering wheel for 18 months until you feel the Spirit say, "It's time for a new thing." And you realize, looking back, that in the midst of your grieving, in the center of the hard, in the middle of your pain, that verse has helped you experience joy in small moments when the searing heat of the loss seemed too much to bear.

No, joy is not just for the good times. It can be your only glimpse of light in the bad times as well. Joy is the flower that blooms in the rubble of what remains after destruction has passed, but it is also the eye of the hurricane. Joy can be lived, experienced, at any point in time.

Because God is everywhere at all times in all things (Jeremiah 23:23-24); therefore, we can experience Him, see Him, at all times in all things (Psalm 139:7-12); therefore we can have joy at all times in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Of this I am confident.

Open your eyes, my friends. Start by seeing yourself as God sees you (1 Peter 2:9). Then look around and see if you can't find Him even in the soap bubbles while washing your dishes (Acts 17:27).  And soon, you will find yourself being a light of joy to others when you weren't even trying, you weren't really even thinking about other people, you were just thinking about your Good God and how grateful you are He calls you His own, yet in that process, you shine JOY to those around you, and they notice, and it makes a difference.

See God in all things, and others will experience God through you. That's how you spread the joy. See God. And thank Him that He sees you exactly. where. you. are. Right now. In your circumstances, in your stage of life.

Did you see your God moment today? Did you recognize it? Can you reflect and find it? If so, you found joy my friend, you found JOY. 

Now keep finding it.

Romans 15:13 

May the God of hope 

fill you with all JOY and peace 

as you trust in Him, 

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Dear Children

Dear Children,

We saw God's creation this weekend in all His glory. We saw trees as tall as giants, thousands of years old, reaching to heaven, incomprehensible in size. We saw mountains majestic, wrapped in blankets of clouds. We witnessed such a small piece of the glory of God, of His testimony to us of His greatness. 

Remember that.

Because one day someone is going to try to tell you it all evolved over millions of years from the nothingness of a Big Bang. One day someone is going to plant seeds of doubt in your mind and make you wonder if maybe you can actually logically explain it all away.

Children, don't believe them. Don't let them steal the joy and the wonder of believing in Someone so much bigger than you, Someone so much more than you. Because we're just not all we'd like to make ourselves out to be. And people try to make God small, so they don't have to fear Him, so they can be in control, so they can be all-knowing and all-powerful.  But in trying to make God small, understandable, explainable, we rob ourselves of joy.

Never let them steal the awe of creation out of your soul with their studies and facts and speculations. That feeling in your gut, in your very being, when you stand gaping so small at the base of a tree...a tree for goodness sakes!!! Never lose that feeling of being so small, so humbled that your heart just knows God HAD to create this with His very words because no other explanation really speaks to the testimony of the intricacy of what you're seeing, feeling, and experiencing.

Only the words of the Alpha Omega God could design the beauty in this world, giving us just a small peak into His own glory. Only His words.

And don't feel like you have to defend yourself to the critics, the skeptics, the non-believers. There are facts to support what your soul already knows if you feel called to know, but there's also Genesis 1 and Job 12:7-10 and Psalm 19:1-4 and Romans 1:20 and Deuteronomy 29:29. And that's all you really need. The faith of a child that you have now that still just simply believes. Never lose that.

After all these years, your Mama stills feels giddy like a child in the presence of God's creation. It may be one of the few areas of my life that I haven't allowed the world's view to completely jade, and I pray I could gift that to you as well--the joy of the innocence of childlike faith. See God, children. See Him in everything. See Him all around you, but my prayer is that you grow to see Him in you, the pinnacle of His creation and the apple of His eye.  If you want to know who you are children, how you were created, how you came into existence and for what purpose--seek Him. Ask Him.  Find Him, for He is not far from each one of us (Acts 17:27), and He will tell you exactly who He says you are, who He created you to be (1 Peter 2:9).

With all my hope in Christ for your future,
Your Mama

The Call of the Ocean: Joy Living

Can you see the buoy?  The tiny speck in the middle of the picture that you think might be dirt on your computer screen? In the middle of the ocean? In the midst of the choppiness? Can you see it? Seriously, it's a speck on the horizon from this distance. A fleck of black in the middle of the picture.

I want to tell you a story, and your job is to see how many spiritual applications you can make for your own life because I can make a book's worth, but this is just a blog:)

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I love the ocean. Love. Adore. I am perpetually drawn to her glory in pictures, in movies, from my childhood years to this very moment. It calls to everything inside of me, to how God made me. I would love nothing more than to see every coastline God has made on this blue earth, just to sit at their edges and marvel and wonder and feel so small, yet so loved.

The ocean's vastness speaks to my soul like the presence of God. It's deep yet accessible, unchartable yet discoverable, mysterious yet knowable, seemingly unpredictable at times, but always constant in what it is. It is powerful. Very powerful. Yet gracious and majestic and giving. It takes and gives life. It demands respect lest the complacent fall. It is the closest earthly example I have found to what experiencing God's presence in full might be like.

And lest you mistake me for worshipping the ocean itself at this point, let me be clear that I'm certain God's literal presence will be so much more than even this mere, watery creation can compare. But if you study her, if you listen, I think she sings the Hallelujah Chorus of His glory.

And she is a creation through which Creator God continues to teach me little lessons about Who He is. I have always loved the ocean. Loved it deeply.

Until recently,  I have only ever been able to enjoy it from the shoreline. I learned to boogie board and body surf on the Atlantic coast in what I now realize is relatively safe, reliable surf if you can even truly call it surf. I learned how to read the pull of the undertow and the size of a swell to determine if and when it would break or be strong enough to carry me to shore.

I took some hard hits. I got slammed to the bottom many a time, once even resulted in chipped teeth and a root canal. From these experiences, I learned how pulling your head or arm up at the wrong moment in the middle of a wave could send you tumbling head over heels. I learned how long I could hold my breath when I had to. I learned that some waves are just too powerful. I learned what it meant to know my limits, and I learned also how to push them.

I developed a healthy fear of the power of the ocean from those tumbles and falls.

Fear is good when it's used to weave a curtain of separation from the Holy of Holies inside the tabernacle of our life. God should be feared. Like afraid for our lives, terrified fear. This fear is more than awe or reverence, but it is good and necessary because He is holy, and we are not. He is the ONLY Person, thing, etc. we should truly fear at all.

Fear of God's creation is also good when it ingrains reverence into our lives, but that is all it should do: create a reverent space for a Fearfully, Powerful God to be God and Lord of His creation. Fear should not and would not stop me from returning to the ocean after every tumble--returning wiser, stronger, more determined. More reverent. More aware.

And the older I grew, the more of the ocean I desired. I wanted bigger waves. I wanted to swim with the dolphins. I wanted to be out in the middle of the water with only the shoreline a distant shadow on the horizon. I wanted to be surrounded by its presence, engulfed by its vastness.

So when we moved here, to California, a paddle board was the only thing I wanted. I finally lived fifteen minutes from the ocean, and every chance I got, I longed to be by the ocean's edge. It didn't take long before watching surfers and paddle boarders surrounded by dolphins made me desire more than just the coastline. The ocean beckoned me to step out of my boat and onto the water. I didn't have to be just a spectator.

So I took my paddle board to the harbor where it is safe and calm and protected. I learned to balance, to shift my weight in small increments adjusting to the surface of the water. I learned to be flexible and well-balanced, pushing my power and strength through my core into the foundation of the board beneath me. (All those yoga classes for the past three years paid their dividends in full!)

I learned to overcome my fear of falling off. It hasn't happened much, but it has happened, and to be honest, in the harbor I'm never afraid to fall because I know how to swim and swim well. I've also never been one to concern myself with the what ifs of the unknown depth beneath me. All God's creatures fascinate me, even the ones perceived as dangerous. Do I fear them in reverence?  Absolutely. But again, that fear doesn't stop me from answering the call of the ocean.

In the harbor, I learned that when it's windy or choppy or rough, you get down on your knees, and that the lower you get on that board, the humbler your stance, the easier it is to stay on the board in strong winds and bigger waves.

It wasn't long until every time I went out in the harbor, I was stronger, faster, more balanced, less fearful, but still diligent to my surroundings.  You never let your guard down when you're on the ocean, even in the harbor. You cannot become complacent. The ocean demands fear at all times, a fervent attention, a harnessed fear, a heightened awareness.

And let me tell you, my first time out around the circuit of that smooth, calm harbor, I went slow. Painfully slow. My heart pounded, and every muscle in my body shook. I learned to breath deep and focus that breath into the muscles, willing my heart rate to slow so I wouldn't pass out, and when I didn't think I was strong enough, I dropped to my knees, and waited for my surroundings to calm, yet always paddling forward. One slow, determined stroke at a time.

I spent many weeks in the harbor. I grew stronger. I grew content. I grew confident. I grew comfortable.

The ocean still called.

One day I had made up my mind it was time to venture out to that buoy in the picture. The harbor entrance is over to its right, just beyond the right edge of the picture, and the buoy is about a quarter of a mile out from the end of the jetty that protects the harbor. The ocean called.

And I'm not kidding you, the day I rounded the bend to set my board on a course to the ocean out of the harbor, I literally heard the sound of the sea lions barking. Beckoning. Where were they?!?!? I paddled a little harder, a little faster. Would I miss them? Would they be gone when I got there?

I could see the end of the jetty, buoy in the distance, and there at the edge of the protected harbor and the humanly unpredictable swells of the ocean were happy sea lions barking and swimming and splashing at the end of the jetty, playing at the corner of the jetty rocks where the ocean waves crashed lightly.

They were ten feet away. I had dropped to my knees so I could enjoy the scene. I sat back on my heels and let the ocean waves rock me back and forth at the edge of that jetty for quite some time. Sea lions!  Real, uncaged, wild and free sea lions. I wanted to touch them so badly, but I knew better. Besides, here I was at the edge once more with the ocean calling. That buoy was calling.

I turned from the sea lions, rose up only to my knees, and set my course for that buoy. 

And my heart was pounding so hard. It throbbed large in the back of my throat threatening to choke my breath. My stomach twisted tight into knots that threatened to be vomited. I was keenly aware of adrenaline screaming through my temples and my blood. I was terrified.

Terrified of falling, terrified of what lay beneath. Terrified of the mass of water flowing around and underneath me. Terrified.

The swells. Oh the swells of the ocean! Their immensity. Their mass. Their power. It was tempting to fall down prone on my board and weep. Cling to the board, stop paddling, turn around, go back to safety--but the ocean kept calling.

I made it to that buoy, turned myself around and paddled back as fast as I could. I never actually stood up again until back in the harbor, and even then the adrenaline rushing through my body had me trembling from inside out. My muscles felt like jello. My heart was tempted to burst.

But oh the joy!!!! The exhilaration!  I cannot put into words the lightness my soul felt. The pure ecstasy of what God had just helped me do! And in that environment, in those swells, in that open water, that's exactly Who had made it to the buoy. The sheer will-power of Christ in me. Yes, I had prepared, practiced, and strengthened--probably my whole life looking back--but even those training grounds were God's providence.

No. There is nothing of me good enough, strong enough, or controlled enough that would enable me to go to that buoy. That was God. The call of my God who was heightening my abilities and was equipping me in the very process of paddling to that buoy, in the very midst of those swells.

I would have never gone had I not been called.

Funny thing is once you experience how God works in the face of overwhelming circumstances,  something inside you has to try it again. Test Him again. Do the adventure with Him again. Maybe that's the only healthy addiction there is--to follow God into uncharted waters.

So the next time, I was still equally terrified, but not as unsure. I trusted more. Now the call was to stand. Stand and paddle to the buoy and back.  I could always drop back to my knees if it became too much. So I stood. I stood and paddled to the buoy and back, and oh the joy, the rush, the exhilaration of trusting God in the unknown!!!!

Now after a few more times, after you've grown a bit more comfortable, something inside you goes looking for the unknown, you're looking for the difficult, the uncharted, the adventure because you're addicted to the rush, the pure joy, the sense of overwhelming worship that washes over you when your feet come safely back to dry land. God is fun! He is awesome to hang out with, to do life with, yet when you answer His call, you can't help but completely fear Him as well. Fear Who He is, what He can do and be terrified of the process, yet trusting His awesomeness at the same time, trusting that even if a giant, great white shark came and ripped you off that board, you could smile and know that was His plan, His doing, what He allowed.

I'm not saying be stupid; I'm saying be wise, harness faith and all the tools God has given on the training grounds of life, but don't let fear of the unknown rob you of the joy of living the life God calls you to live! It is pure, unadulterated JOY!

And it keeps you looking to Him for more because only He can provide the healthy rush. Life has taught me everything done in my own strength, timing, and power leads me to a dangerous pit, an unhealthy addiction to pride, control, and self-promotion. There's no joy to be had there.

So instead I keep listening and seeking to answer the call. 

Today, the call was to get out of the harbor and put in at the shoreline and paddle out to that buoy. Because as scary as those shoreline waves appear, I know that if I don't need the harbor, if I don't need the calm waters, the safe place to get my balance, then the world is my playground.  Every coastline can become a new opportunity of exploration and adventure if I can learn to paddle out past the breakers.

So today I waded into the knee high waves at the shoreline, feeling the pull of the tide wrap sand around my ankles like tentacles sucking me out, but I wasn't going under. I jumped on the board, pulled up to my knees, and paddled out hard through the constant rise and fall of the shoreline swells. And my heart raced and my throat closed and my stomach tightened as I paddled out to that buoy, that speck on the horizon. And the choppiness was daunting, but I did it! I made it to the buoy, smiled at the sea lions who raised their heads in apathetic recognition and turned around to paddle back.

Before paddling back though, I sat back on my heels in the middle of the ocean and smiled, bobbing up and down on the swells, watching the rays of sunlight break through the clouds on the horizon over the mountainside. And I closed my eyes and breathed deep the joy of the gift of the Lord.

I had turned my board to face the shoreline, to begin paddling back when I heard the whisper of the call of the ocean once more. I turned my head slightly to gaze out and back over my left shoulder, well past the jetty wall at the end of the harbor--who knows how far out--to where a green buoy bobbed and beckoned in the distance. A very far distance.

And for a second, in my joy I turned to paddle to that buoy, but the call faded and the words of my husband came to mind, "If you want to go to that buoy, I want you to wear one of those life preserver belts." And so I stopped.

God reminded me I wasn't prepared--today--for that green buoy. The call was still very real, but not now, not today.

No, it was time to paddle back to shore, but instead of on my knees, I could try standing up. I could attempt to strengthen my balance and reaction time on the open water. I could begin to learn the feeling of the shift of the waves as they pulled and pushed, carrying me into shore. I could begin to learn the ways of the waves. I could attempt to paddle surf back into shore.  The call of the green buoy was not to be answered today, but these things I could do.

So with heart racing, throat closing, stomach tightening once again, I rose slowly to my feet in the middle of the ocean, and I paddled back to shore.  My legs were trembling the same as blades of grass in the breeze.  I willed them to hold me steady. I trusted my God to take me back to the shore, and I pressed that trust through my legs, hard into the surface of the board.

Paddle. Balance. Breathe. Bend. If you fall, you know you can swim. If you fall, remember to grab your sunglasses. Paddle. Balance. Breathe. Bend.

JOY!!!!!

I paddle surfed that board all the way back into shore. Oh the rush, the exhilaration, the anticipation of the next adventure out!

"My God is so great, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do!" My heart sang. Nothing He can't accomplish through me, with me, in me. Oh the joy of being used by God, of answering His call!

The green buoy still beckons in the far off distance beyond the jetty wall, but I think I have some sea legs to build first, some surfing to learn, and some safety gear to add before answering that call. All in God's time. He does not birth a dream, a calling, that He does not intend to bring to life. (I stole that beauty from my friends over at BeStillBeFree.)

How the Lord goes about bringing that calling to life just might look very different from what I'd imagine though. So I'm learning to sink down, be still, and be free to grow in the space and time and circumstances that God allows, that He has ordained for this season of my life.

I'm paddling with God wherever He leads, and It. Is. Good. THIS is joy realized. Joy living.

What is it that calls you? Beckons to your soul?  What buoy is on your horizon? Where is your training ground? With what have you been trained? Already equipped? Where is your harbor, your testing grounds, your safe place? Where or what is your ocean? What is it that's too big for you? Too overwhelming? What is your board? What is your foundation, the thing that keeps you afloat? Where is God calling you next? Does He have you in a season of preparation for that journey? Or is He calling you to go ahead and paddle out?  Open your eyes.  Be aware.  God is speaking to you, all around you; He's calling you to something new.

Live Joy my friends! Live life with joy. Live life with God.

How To Be Brave

I have had so many people comment during this transition that I/we have been "so brave."  People admire my/our "bravery."  People comment that it's a very "brave thing we are doing, moving out here on faith."

And it's made me stop and consider what it means to actually be brave.  Because that is not an adjective I would ever use to describe myself.  It's not really even in the top 10.  Organized--yes.  Loyal--yes. Determined--yes.  Brave? Not so much.

I think it's because when my inner eye looks at myself in that inner mirror, I still see a tortured middle school student with a mouth full of metal braces and rubber bands trying to style her bangs into an awkward warp wall curving four inches off the top of her head held in place by an entire can of hairspray.  I see a girl with defeated self-esteem by her acne and lack of style in any arena of hair or clothing.  I see the girl that stared in the mirror all through high school trying to see what God saw, begging Him to show her. Trying to accept her sturdy-built body, Bounds legs (which are technically-speaking, small tree trunks inherited from my father's side of the family), shoulders that would rival a football players pads, and the hair--ugh.  I grew up in the '90's, people, when Rachel's (from the TV show Friends) straight thick hair was all the rage and my mess of fine, naturally curly poof wasn't making the cut.  It was more Jessie's style from Saved By the Bell, I just didn't have her tall, curvy body to pull it off.

So no, brave is not a word I have ever used to describe myself.  Ever.  Shy, unsure of my appearance at all times, socially a bit awkward (for reasons I will save for another day), and desperate for people to include me, to be my friend, to see me how God saw me because I wanted to see myself through His eyes so desperately.  Brave?  No.  Terrified at all times?  Quite possibly.

So then, I have to ask myself, 'What does it mean to be brave?'  Why do people think I'm brave now? What changed? And when did it change?  And how?

I like how my husband defines being brave.  He says whenever he thinks of what it must mean to be brave, he thinks about David and Goliath. (1 Samuel 17) He thinks about how David RAN at that giant. He didn't stand still, he definitely didn't back down, no, he ran AT Goliath. (1 Samuel 17:48)

And so I started to think about milestones in my life that have required what one might consider bravery, areas in my life where I didn't back down, I didn't run away, but I faced what was in front of me, and even welcomed the challenge--I ran at it.

There was that eighth grade camp where God had spoken to my heart that I was to come home and obey whatever my parents asked of me.  I came home to find out they wanted to home school me for high school.  Gulp.  'Ok, God. You said it.  Let's do it.'  Do you know how many home school jokes I have weathered my entire life because of that choice???

There was that moment my senior year when I experienced a terribly lonely season in life, and God called me to go on a mission trip to Ecuador with a church I had never attended and a group of people I did not know.  Complete strangers.  My first time in a foreign country.  It's still one of the most impactful events in my life.  It opened my eyes to a world outside of mine that was suffering and lost and in need of a Savior, a Savior I knew.  A Savior I too often took for granted.

There was that moment when I stepped out of my living room from watching trigonometry videos to finding my way around to classes on a college campus at Kennesaw State University.  Talk about throwing the fish into the frying pan.  I was petrified.

There was that moment in Earth Algebra 101 I realized I was the only one in the class who didn't know what a logarithm was and was completely lost on the first day of my first college math class. So I quelled the panic and marched myself directly to the tutoring lab every day after class to get help. I'd never needed help like that before in my life. The thought of failure was terrifying.

Then there was the moment I left home for  the first time ever to marry the man I love to move to Chattanooga. Tennessee.  Gulp. At the time, that was VERY far away from home. I went, but in hindsight,  I went kicking and screaming, but eventually made the best of it.

I could name countless more "moments" in my life that required what some might call bravery. Flashes-in-the-pan moments. Things at the time I felt I had no choice, no say in the matter. Things I realize now, God had prepared for me in my journey, in my process called life, to ready me for every step ahead. To ready me for where I sit now on an opposite coast, meeting complete strangers, and trying to lead two small children through the process as well. (Which, complete side note, my children are two of the bravest people I know. Everything is new for them, and they often face new Sunday class rooms, play dates, etc. alone, by themselves. I wonder what God is preparing their lives for......anyways...)

I faced all those fears and unknowns, all those "giants" head on. I might have tried to run, but I didn't.  I might have stumbled in my stance at times, but ultimately held my ground.  And every time, eventually, it took less and less prodding from my Jesus to run....run AT that giant! Attack it head on in His name. He had already equipped me for victory. (Romans 8:37; 1 Samuel 17:34-37; 1 Corinthians 15:57)

And now, today, the process, the emotions, the feelings, the personal battles I've experienced are really still the same. What's changed is my relationship with the Lord and how He's taught me to wield the weapons He's provided. My Commander in Chief hasn't changed. The weapons available to me haven't changed. His work in and through those past circumstances have changed me. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

His faithfulness has changed me. His steadfastness has taught me to trust fall into Him--eyes closed or eyes wide open, doesn't matter. He's taught me to fight. He's taught me to run at my giants with full reliance in my Mighty God. (1 Samuel 17:45-47)

And I didn't even know that's what He was doing.

My whole life He's been teaching me how to be brave, so that one day when someone says I am brave, I can honestly say, "Not me. Only God. HE makes me brave."

So maybe you don't think you're brave either. Maybe there's some other compliment you've gotten lately that you think, 'Yeah right. That's totally NOT me.' Maybe it IS you. Maybe the picture of how you see yourself needs to grow and change and blossom into the picture of how God sees you. And maybe in that moment, when you hear that compliment, you need to take two seconds and acknowledge the One who has formed you over time into a person you probably only ever dreamed of being.

And if you're the person still dreaming,  hoping you'll be a brave soldier some day, someone who's fearless, someone who conquers giants, have no fear, my friend. He's been giving you or allowed giants your whole life you probably didn't know were giants. Some of them have probably defeated you at times, which is why you keep having to face them again and again and again. Some of them you have defeated before, which is why the next time you face them they seem bigger, stronger.

The key is to remember David. No matter how small you think you may be, how insignificant, God has equipped you in your lifetime to defeat your giant. Your giants. (Ephesians 2:10; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Remember your God. Remember what He has already done for you, accomplished in you, worked through you. (Psalm 77:11) Wield your weapons of the Spirit, of the Word, of prayer. Practice with them. Spar with them.(Philippians 4:9) Take out the lions and the bears in your path, then when the giants rise up and challenge your faith, challenge the name of your Mighty God in your life, then in the name of Jesus Christ you RUN at those giants!

Can't you just hear David's righteously indignant reply to Goliath?  Can't you see the fire in his eyes, the determination in his stance, and the holy fierceness with which He might just have boldly spat these words at his enemy:

“You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin (the weapons of this world), but I come to you in the name of theLord of hosts, THE God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted. This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you.(Do you hear his confidence? His trust?) And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, (there is a God in Jennifer's life)  and that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the Lord’s (it's already HIS--let that sink in...) and He will give you into our hands.” Then it happened when the Philistine rose and came and drew near to meet David, that David RAN quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine.  (1 Samuel 17:45-48 emphasis mine)

What giant is mocking you in your life? Is mocking your Great God, the God you love, the God who died for you? What giant dares to speak lies against you and against Him?  Do you recognize the lies? Do you burn with righteous anger against your enemy? (Psalm 119:78, 86)

Do you know what to do next?

You run. You run quickly. You pick up the weapons He has given you, and you trust fall into His greatness, and you count your own life as lost for His Name's sake (Philippians 3:8), and you run TOWARD your giant. No matter the outcome. You run. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ; Hebrews 12:1-3)

And what happens?  You BOTH get the victory, and HE gets all the glory.  That's just the way it works best for everyone.  We humans tend to be encumbered by pride after all.

So run your race toward your giants and be brave in the way God created you to be brave.  It looks different for everyone.  I bet if you sat and thought about it for a moment, you can remember some "moments" of your own life that were flashes-in-the-pan instances of bravery. But I pray you too will see that all those instances have made you into the brave person God designed you to be--a victorious, overcomer in the army of the Living God.

Go today, and be brave in His Name! Be victorious.
Psalm 20:7 "Some boast in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God."