Looking Back to Keep Looking Ahead

I wrote this over two years ago. The comments I make about social distancing make me laugh now, but the rest of it is a good reminder as the pace of life seemed to triple when the world reopened. All the lessons God was teaching two years ago are still applicable today. How quickly we forget! Maybe a quick jaunt down my memory lane will jog yours. Truth is, if we didn’t learn the lessons then, God will give us another chance to learn them again.

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March 2020…..

Saturday I was supposed to fly to Kenya. On mission trip. With my husband. Just us, serving together. It was going to be my first time on the African continent. There was going to be a safari and wild animals involved at some point. Even more exciting to me, I was going to get to hug the neck of a missionary friend we’ve supported from afar for almost twenty years. It was going to be the best way I could spend my fortieth birthday. The best representation of how I want my life remembered and known—serving others, loving like Jesus, always on an adventure, and of course some animal love.

Enter COVID-19.

It canceled Kenya, a camping trip, a backpacking trip with my sister to Zion National Park, probably even my mom’s visit, and maybe more. This was my last year with some of the senior girls I’ve been in small group with since they were freshmen. While my heart aches for my own disappointments, it aches doubly for the disappointments they are experiencing. It aches for all the families whose paychecks will be directly affected by this quarantine.

And I sit at home with my family and have nothing better to do but sit and ponder and think and whine. Oh, poor me. Oh, poor us. The pity party can be real.

I watch people who are still refusing to social distance. Part of me gets angry. Why should they still get to hang with their friends? Part of me gets scared—the longer people wait to social distance, the longer this thing goes on. I waffle between self-righteous justice and sulking defeat. You can’t make people do what they don’t want to do. Heck, even if it came down to a military state, I swear the surfers would still find a way to surf.

We are all innately selfish and driven toward our own self-satisfaction and self-preservation. Considering the “greater good” does not come naturally. It’s why we hoard toilet paper because what if I need it? Forget everyone else. Sometimes we’re also judgmental and self-righteous, believing our way and our words are a better source of direction and light to a less enlightened world. Hence the public shaming and calling out over social media. The pride at the root of either end of the spectrum makes my skin crawl.

Sitting at home with all these thoughts, I am forced to face the depravity and selfishness of my own mind and heart. I’m forced to consider the fact that part of me wants to give the middle finger to the government and the virus and board an airplane to anywhere out of pure rebellion. There are no distractions right now to keep me from facing that ugly, rebellious heart in the mirror of my mind. My thoughts cannot be drowned by my schedule currently, and I’m not sure I like what’s underneath. Sin. Ugly, prideful, selfish sin. Sometimes in my polished Christian world, I can forget that I’m included in the “all” of Romans 3:23. Full of sin and fallen short.

Enter Jesus. Like a breath of fresh air (Ezekiel 37:5), honey sweet to the taste (Psalm 119:103), He is transformative truth.

Because He reminds me ever so softly to look around and appreciate (Hebrews 12:28). To open disillusioned eyes to what I do have instead of what I don’t (Colossians 4:2). This is hard. Way harder than wallowing and throwing a pity party.

I started to list my blessings. Each of us have things we can be grateful for. Each of us have our own unique set of circumstances where we can find the silver linings that mean something to us, if not to everyone. Like, I can sleep in. Not everyone enjoys sleeping in as much as I do, but I really do. It’s a silver lining for me. Some of my California friends may be enjoying the sound of the rain on the rooftop, a rare sound in this part of the country. Others may be relishing the gift of unscheduled time because their life is always over-scheduled. We can all find silver linings.

It’s these small, miniscule blessings that can get lost in the noise of everyday life. Like the whisper of God Himself to Elijah (1 Kings 19:12-13), life can drown out my Best Friend’s voice. The busyness can distract from the callings my Jesus has given me. The constant need to entertain or perform can drown creativity and innovation. Now, quite unexpectedly, we’ve all been given a reason to throw all our excuses out the window. Lack of time is no longer an excuse. Being too busy is no longer an excuse. I dare say, even being too tired is no longer an excuse for some.

God, in His infinite wisdom, has created a space in time where our excuses don’t hold up anymore. If you’re like me, you might be forced to face the truth that there are things in life you just don’t want to do. There are responsibilities you know you have; you don’t want to admit you’ve been pushing to the back burner of life for all the previously listed excuses. That currently don’t exist.

God has created a space where we can be gently confronted with ourselves and make a choice to change, to create new habits, to prioritize what really matters. Then, He’s given us the time to make it happen.

That conversation you’ve been meaning to have with someone, have it.

That phone call you’ve been meaning to make, make it.

That text message you keep forgetting to send, send it.

That talk with your kids? your spouse? Make it happen.

That thing you’ve always wanted to teach yourself or your kids, do that.

Write. Read. Sing. Talk. Listen. Play. These are all ways we’ve forgotten how to connect because of being too busy, too tired, or not having enough time.

Today I laid on my couch and wallowed in my disappointment, in the loss of all the things I was looking forward to. I drowned my thoughts in meaningless television shows, watching my kids do the same on their own devices. I didn’t want to eat. Wasn’t tired enough to actually sleep until I got depressed enough to nap for an hour. It was miserable, friends.

The point? It takes work and effort to find ways to connect with others in meaningful ways. Even in my own home. Maybe especially in my own home. But we were designed by God for relationship and for work. He knew it was good for our souls from the very beginning (Genesis 2:15, 18). So, I’m going to go make myself a daily schedule, and Lord-willing, I’ll keep it. But it won’t be easy because my couch and television and cozy blankets are right there. It will be worth it because I will be a good steward of the gift of time the Lord has given during this season.

This is not how I wanted to spend the week of my fortieth birthday. This is not how I want to remember this benchmark year of life. But the hard truth is, I’ve been given an opportunity to write my own script to how the days ahead will play out in my home. An adventure my kids will remember being a part of instead of looking back on it in pictures. I want my family to look back on this time and remember it the way I wanted for Kenya—we served others, loved Jesus, made each day an adventure, and loved on some animals 😂 (We do have two dogs and two guinea pigs in this house.)

I don’t know how long this quarantine will last, but I know my callings in life haven’t changed. My sphere of influence may shrink, but that doesn’t matter because I’m only ever living for an audience of One anyway.

“Thank you, Jesus, for helping me process through to a perspective shift for today. I know more hard days are ahead, but I trust Your plan. Tomorrow will be a better day because Your truth makes the difference. May my hands not be idle, and my work continue to reflect You in me. May I never doubt the importance of Your mantle as my family watches. Thank you for being gentle with my disappointed heart. Your gracious understanding is more than I deserve. Amen.”

Handling the Hurt

That text message stung. The long silences are filled with awkwardness. A distraction removes them from a conversation they never return to finish or revisit. The look in their eye tells you they’re not listening. He distances and hides. She overshares, becomes needy or completely insecure. Some scream and defend hotly. Heated conversation is typical. Others become cynical and dark. Some are so defensive about everything you feel it’s impossible to have a civil conversation.

Hurt people hurt people.

The hurt comes in all shapes and sizes. The passive aggressive are good at passing barbs or veiled stinging messages. The overtly aggressive scream and spew anger over the smallest incidents. The avoiders, avoid, sometimes even lie, or tell you what they think you want to hear, but they aren’t honest.

Yellers yell because they don’t feel heard.

Avoiders avoid because deep feelings scare them.

The overly distracted don’t have the capacity in the moment to even have the conversation.

Chances are if you’ve been hurt by someone, they are hurting also. In deep ways. They have open wounds now oozing into your life. Sometimes these people are aware of this, but I have found most people have zero clue they’ve hurt someone. Most people are so busy trying to hide and or treat their wounds, they don’t realize the effect it’s having on those around them.

Jesus was hurt by hurting people. He was rejected by his own hometown. Kicked out. Turned away. He was denied by Peter, one of His closest friends. Only one of ten lepers returned to say thank you the day He healed them all. We like to think of Him as perfect because He was, but the Bible says He also faced every human experience. He felt disappointment. He knew the burning irrationality of being offended. He was tempted to turn His back on those He knew would be ungrateful or had been ungrateful before. He had feelings, and I must believe for Him to understand my struggles in life, those feelings got hurt. (Luke 4:14-30, Matthew 26:69-75, Luke 17:11-19, Hebrews 4:15)

But He handled it all with grace and gentility, truth and love. Every wounded, hurting person was handled with care. He never excused the adulterous woman’s sin, but He also did not condemn her. He dispersed her accusers, then once they were alone, He told her to sin no more. He got His hands dirty with spit and mud healing some. He was begged to leave towns for healing others. The record of His conversation with the woman at the well is genius. Somehow, the way He spoke to her, made her love Him more even though He pointed out her every wrong! I like to think it’s because she felt fully known by Him, even her ugliness, yet fully loved by Him also. (John 8:1-11, John 9:6, Matthew 8:28-34, John 4:4-42)

The hurting that encountered Jesus were not always told truth, but they were always shown love.

Look around you. Today, in this divided, defensive world, every person you encounter is most likely hurting in ways you don’t see and have no way of understanding. Words AND actions are powerful tools. They must be carried and used in truth AND love. Sometimes both are needed in the moment. Other times, only actions of love are needed (1 John 3:18).

Jesus had the perfect wisdom of God to know when and how and what to say and do. I’m sure He felt the rub of wanting to speak truth, to correct, to guide, to offer advice, but in His wisdom, He chose to simply show up and be present instead. I also believe He felt that sensation in the pit of your stomach where you don’t want to say something, but you know you have to or need to say something, so in His wisdom He spoke truth with grace out of love and concern and in the need of the moment with compassion (Ephesians 4:29).

As Christians, followers of Jesus, we do not have to remain silent. We shouldn’t remain silent. We are called to hold one another accountable. In fact, the only people we are given permission to judge this side of heaven is our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. But we are out of practice in our delivery and soft skills to successfully enter those moments with others.

Our conviction and passion are too often received as condemnation when they are not delivered in a package wrapped by love and grace and given amid relationship.

So yes, speak the truth God has revealed to you. BUT speak it with the intention to show love. Speak it with the intention to offer grace where someone is drowning in shame. Speak it to offer a hand of camaraderie or commissary, letting the other person know, no matter what, you are in this with them, alongside them. Take the time to build or repair the foundation of the relationship, gaining trust, before speaking hard truths.

Because truth is an anchor. It is sturdy and solid. It will ground your faith, be a firm foundation. It will not move when the storms of life come. But it is heavy. To a drowning person, it is heavy. To a person soaring high in the clouds of life, it can be heavy. To the person on a long journey, it is heavy.

Know your audience before you hand them truth. It may be exactly what they need to hear, but you may need to get in the water and help them tread with the weight of it. You may need to be the counterbalance to the weight of the truth keeping them from crashing. You may need to plan to join them on their journey before you hand them the truth to take with them.

Yes, as Christians we are called to speak the truth to one another in love. We are called to hold each other to God’s standards of righteousness. But our culture has taught us we can spout these things over social media or in a text message or drop it like bombs in a one-off conversation, and somehow people are supposed to change their minds because we spoke truth in this manner? God can still use these methods because He can work all things for good, but this is not the example Jesus lived for us (Ephesians 4:15, Romans 8:28).

Jesus got His hands dirty. He spent hours eating and conversing inside the homes of the hurting. He made Himself available for one-on-one conversations. And in those moments, in those ways, when He was doing life with people, He spoke hard truths, and then He offered Himself as the means to help them carry and live with that truth.

I’m not Jesus, but I can try to be like Him. His Holy Spirit abides with me, so if I abide with Him, I can do all the things He calls me to do. If He strengthens me to hand over a heavy truth, then He also makes me strong enough to help carry the truth with the receiver, OR He’s already strengthened them to be able to carry it alone. When you have a relationship with the person, you will know which is true.

In the meantime, every Christian must practice balancing loving well with grace AND truth. We miss the mark when we err on either side. If you are a grace-giver by nature, it is wise to develop relationships with truth-tellers and vice versa. The perfect balance of the two leads us all straight to Jesus, and that is how the body of Christ accomplishes its purpose here on earth.

We are all hurting people, hurting people. The sooner we all accept this shortcoming about ourselves and each other, the sooner we can get around to figuring out how to be healing people that help each other heal.

Take His Left Hand

Recently I attended a women’s retreat with a church we think we want to make our new church home. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s a church we’ve been courting. A church we haven’t officially committed to yet. And I registered for this retreat knowing no one. Not a soul. Didn’t even know who my roommate would be.

I felt unsure, insecure, anxious, and completely self-conscience. If I had made the decision to attend based on my feelings, I would have missed out on God showing up in BIG ways. I would have missed out on the extreme welcoming spirit of the women in this church. I would have missed out on all the truths from the speaker I gleaned. I would have missed out on meeting my roommate. We were friends within ten minutes of her setting her things on the lodge bed. She was God’s special blessing to me for the weekend—like having a built-in tour guide to meeting the other fabulous women in the church. She had made the decision to come at the last minute as well, so she wasn’t there for time away with her friends which meant she was completely comfortable letting me tag along as her meal and session buddy. I was never alone unless I wanted to be with just Jesus.

If I had followed my feelings, I would have missed so much.

Instead, I followed what I knew and believed to be true. Logic reasons, if I want to connect with more women in a new church, adding to my list of connections in a new home and season of life, then I should attend the church’s women’s retreat and see what happens. Where else would I find more opportunities for connecting in one place? If my biggest need is fellowship, I could stay at home hoping God would provide a friend (which He could), or I could step out in faith, do the hard thing, and trust Him to provide in a more nutrient-rich environment. I believe God provides for those who cannot provide for themselves, but most of the time, He also provides plenty of opportunities for us to help ourselves if we only have the courage to try.

There is a fine gray line here of moving forward in life in your own strength, intuition, and grit or moving forward with faith, trust, and courage that only comes from leaning into Jesus. In one forward motion, you depend on yourself, in the other, you are completely dependent on Christ to show up.

Someone told me choosing to attend the retreat was courageous. I blanched, completely unable to acknowledge or receive the observation about myself. I was terrified to go on that retreat! Did you read the first sentence of the second paragraph?!?!? Courageous? Me? She said anyone who does something scared is being courageous.

Psalm 27:4 and Psalm 31:24 both say to “take” courage. Take it—an imperative command and action. The other four times courage is mentioned, the audience is told to be courageous (Joshua 1:6,7,9, Deuteronomy 31:6). “Be” is a verb used to show a state of existence, something just “is.” Which means every time the word courage is used in the Bible, it is assumed the courage is already present. It already exists. It’s there for the taking. In this moment of time, courage is present to be taken. At all times. It’s right here. Now.

I just think the “taking” looks different than we imagine. In our minds eye, courageous people are determined, fearless, dauntless, and unimpaired. When in reality, courageous people are actually unsure, anxious, insecure, and forging forward with the weight of a thousand what-ifs on their shoulders. They just do it anyway. Courageous people do it scared. You take courage out of your toolbox for life, and you do good things, right things, risky things, great things. You do them scared until you’re not.

In my journey, I have found God rarely calms the storm before it begins. Meaning, He rarely calms my fears, anxieties, and worries before I take the step toward Him into the storm, take the step with Him off the cliff, or take the step back to Him down the narrow path I shunned. Why?

Because He wants to be our Hero! He wants the opportunity to show off and show up! He wants you completely dependent upon Him and no one else. Nothing else. How often do we complain about never experiencing the power and presence of Jesus? Well, how often do you take courage, past your own purview of control, past the horizon of what you can understand, and trust the One Who’s Greater than it all, Who sees it all, Who understands how it all fits together—perfectly? How often do you step into even the silliest of asks like attending a women’s retreat by yourself? Like doing anything by yourself? Like stopping to have a conversation with the homeless person on the corner? Like introducing yourself to a stranger because you feel the Spirit pique your interest in him or her? Like calling the family member who hurt you just to be kind, catch up, and say hi? Like volunteering for anything? Opportunities for courage come in all shapes and sizes. They do not have to be life-altering moments in time.

Think of the last time you got butterflies in your stomach about doing something you knew was a good and right thing. You knew your desire wasn’t sinful, but it was way out of your comfort zone. Think of that thing. Maybe it’s inviting the neighbors you don’t know over for lunch. Maybe you text the once-upon-a-time friend who hurt your feelings to see if they want to go for a walk. Maybe you volunteer to start a small group. Maybe you write a paper from God’s viewpoint and not the one your teacher will approve. Maybe you take an opposing viewpoint in a loving and respectful manner. What is it? What is the thing you think you’d like to do (that isn’t derived from a sinful desire)? Do you believe you are ill-equipped? Do you feel anxious about taking the first step, yet the still, small voice of the Spirit keeps prodding you in that direction? What is it? Name it. Tell a friend what you’re pondering. Cover it in prayer, so your motives are in check. Now, take courage!

If in God’s right hand is riches and blessing, I think in His left is courage, and He says take it. Let’s be clear. You don’t have to pray for courage. You don’t have to wait for a sign from heaven to be courageous. You simply lock eyes with Jesus and step out of the boat. Step into the good, right, risky, great sea of opportunity before you called life. You take courage; you don’t ask for it (Matthew 14:22-33).

Because the Source of anything ever-present, must also be Ever-Present. The power of Christ—Master of Wind and Sea, Creator of the Universe, Alpha and Omega, the Resurrected Lord, the Returning King —His power resides in and with His children. It’s right here, accessible at all times for the taking, for the having (Ephesians 3:20-21, Romans 8:11).

So, access the Source. Take His hand. Heed His voice. Do the right thing scared. Do the hard thing trembling. Do the risky thing quaking. Do the great thing terrified. But do it because we were not created to sit idle, but to walk daily with the Lord in the garden where He placed us giving of ourselves to His creation while fellowshipping with each other in the process (Genesis 2:4-3:24).

Adam and Eve took courage every day of their life before the Fall. Every day they experienced something new in God’s creation. Before sin, they knew no fear, so taking courage was as effortless as taking a breath. Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection provided a way for His Spirit to abide within our every breath. His power accessible. To us. Believing in Him, placing all your trust for today and every day after in Him alone, provides a pathway back to His original design and plan for our life—effortless courage.

So again, I encourage you: Do the right thing scared. Do the hard thing trembling. Do the risky thing quaking. Do the great thing terrified—with Jesus. Hand in hand. Take courage. And when someone calls you courageous, smile knowingly and humbly tell the truth, “Not me, friend. It’s all Jesus.”