Christmas Letter 2015

I post this every year for those of you I may have inadvertently forgot to send our Christmas card to. Enjoy and Merry Christmas from our family to yours!  .....

Dear Family & Friends,                                                                                                                 December 2015

Well, this was our first full year as Californians, and I must say, we have lived it to the fullest. Legoland, Disneyland, San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, USS Midway, Joshua Tree National Park, Big Bear snow tubing, paddle surfing, whale watching, too many beautiful sunsets to count--from the desert, to the mountains, to the beaches, we live California.

Weston turned six in August, and in September he joined Savannah as a kindergartner at Grace Classical Academy. God answered so many years of prayers on my part by giving him the sweetest class of all boys, brothers in make-believe games and soccer battles. But September 20th marked the best news of all for us, when Weston said the prayer to accept Christ as his personal Lord and Savior in his church class. The Lord has been so kind to this doubting Mama to confirm over and over again in very clear ways the presence of the Holy Spirit in Weston's heart and life, and the change in him is undeniable. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for his tender, yet deeply understanding heart!

Savannah is still my joy and lover of life. She's taken second grade by storm, turning eight years old in October. She loves everything and everyone, and while I still pray daily for her salvation, I am grateful for all the conversations we are having now about life and faith and people. Her heart is so tender and loving and open toward others that I can't wait to see how God is going to continue to use her to draw people to Him. She is a constant source of energy and life in our family for which I am truly thankful, and I have learned she sees value in things I overlook or take for granted. God is already using her to smooth out rough edges I didn't know I had, and for that I am learning to be grateful ;)

Joey continues to love his job, and we are blessed beyond measure by both our Chick-fil-A family here in California and in the corporate office. Every year that passes, I am more and more grateful for the faithfulness of the Cathy family to have built a business based on biblical principles.

But perhaps the theme for this year, the over-arching lesson for both Joey and myself and our children has been: Do the hard thing. Not just the next thing, but the hard thing. When you’re not sure which step to take next, step in the direction that is hard to go.  God has met us down that path so many times this year.

I cannot think of a time in my life where I have more actively sought the face and will of the Lord more so than in this past year. I have sought Him in stillness and patience and quietness and long, deep pauses of life. A life not busy. A calendar not full. A day not scheduled. And if you know me, you know how hard this has actually been for me to sink into.

We have sought the Lord in the most difficult task of finding a church home, a place to belong, friends to call our own. This journey has forced us to dig deeper into God's Word and challenge what we think we know. It has been the hardest journey to discern what is best for our family at this stage of our life. The Lord was faithful to finally open some doors in October, and we find ourselves finally at peace for a season connected with some awesome people we hope become lifelong friends in a church home that preaches the truth of God's Word without watering it down or avoiding the tough issues. Just the Bible--that's all our family really needs.

In August after much prayer, we bought an RV, and have enjoyed the intentional memories it allows us to make with our children as a family, seeing the beauty of God’s creation that is all over the west coast, but that too was a hard path to choose to take. God continues to ask us to trust Him with our finances in so many areas, but I’m so grateful that every time He asks us to take a plunge of faith He meets us right where we are and provides in ways we couldn’t have foreseen.

I've prayed with so many this year, had so many conversations, read so many news and opinion articles. It has been a hard year for many, for our nation, for the world. If I’m being honest, it’s still hard. Joey and I are pressing into the Lord and into each other during this season.  We’re holding our marriage and our children up to the Lord in daily surrender, with open hands, trying not to have expectations and to let God be God. A godly marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Separating the truth from the lies inside your own head is hard.

But friends, it is also SO VERY GOOD.  Hard, but good.  Because in the midst of choosing the narrow path, the hard path, the Voice of Truth comes and fills your life with meaning and goodness and a sense of purpose and fulfillment that only comes from a Good, Loving Heavenly Father who created us, so He knows exactly what fills the longings of our souls. You find His mercies truly are new every morning that His forgiveness covers a multitude of failings, giving you the renewed joy to try again.  You find refuge in His strength and not your own.  You find peace in His plan, so far out of your control that all you can do is trust and hope and try to be obedient.  And even though the obedience is the hardest part of all, the daily moment-by-moment choice to choose the Lord and His way, it is also where some of the sweetest moments of life are experienced.

I wonder if this year has been hard for you as well.  I wonder if you have taken the easy path, the fun path, the path you think you deserve, are entitled to, the life you think you should be living. I wonder if you have nothing to show for it but regret. I’ve made that mistake this year, and I’m so grateful that every time I turn around to try and choose a different way, the Lord is faithful to place before me the same hard path I could have chosen the first time. The path He always knew would be best. I didn’t miss it. He didn’t take it away, and He was right there to walk it with me every. single. time.

So my encouragement this year is to choose the hard. For me, I have to choose to be still instead of busy. Some need to become active instead of being still. For me, I need to pray more in secret and speak less in public, hence the fewer blog posts. For some, God is calling you to speak out the truth in love instead of holding it all inside. For me, I need to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable, to get comfortable with being rubbed raw and worked on from the inside out, and that is a hard journey I am only just beginning. Some of you have been uncomfortable you’re entire life, never feeling like yourself, and God is calling you to get comfortable with Him.

Do you see what I mean?  What is hard for me may not be hard for you!  We are all so different, so wonderfully made, so perfectly created. What is the hard thing to sink into at this point in your life, as this new year approaches?  What hard path have you been avoiding that you finally need to take the hand of your Heavenly Father and just trust Him, walk with Him down that path?

The words of Jesus Himself, John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble (guaranteed). But take heart! I (Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit living inside His believers) have OVERCOME the world!" (emphasis mine) Amen, Amen, and Amen!

Praying this Christmas season you can claim victory in Jesus as we celebrate His birth as the beginning of the end of the curse of man! The best gift of all because Jesus brought salvation for us all from it all. May you live a life of victory in 2016 choosing to do the hard things with Christ, overcoming and not losing heart.

“O victory in Jesus /My Savior, forever./He sought me and bought me /With His redeeming blood; /He loved me ere I knew Him /And all my love is due Him, /He plunged me to victory, /Beneath the cleansing flood.”

 –Bartlett, E.M, “Victory in Jesus”, 1939

Grateful every day Jesus took the hard path from heaven to earth, from earth to the cross, from death to life. Grateful he gives me a choice to follow His example, but also that He chose me to follow His example.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Praying you fully embrace the abundance of good in the midst of the hard,

Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, & Weston Durham

Media, Refugees, Vaccines, Politics: How Christians Really Should Be Posting

I've read them all. I can't help it. Every article, post, rant, comment about the refugees. I've read them all--and my heart is still torn.

Torn because I don't receive every homeless person around me into my own home for many of the safety reasons being presented. Our country is in debt trying to take care of its own poor and needy. Why would our country welcome refugees it knows nothing about? And try to support them using money it does not have?

Torn because the Bible is very clear about how, as believers, we are suppose to welcome and care for the poor, the children, the widows, and the foreigners. And I want to be obedient to God's Word with a right attitude. And when I read those stories about the Holocaust growing up, I swore I wouldn't have been one of those people who looked the other way.

So how do you care and not look the other way and still use discretion and wisdom concerning what you let inside your own borders?  I think this is the question our government is trying to answer.  It's just our government doesn't function very well these days. Everyone is at odds with everyone.

Maybe the better question is, as Christians, why do we expect the government to act with a godly mindset? Why is the Church not being held responsible for acting like Christ? And while everyone is trying to make up their minds, what should we the people do in the meantime?

Well, we've got to stop fighting over social media. 

1) Because everyone, no matter which side of the fence you stand on, just ends up showing their worst side of themselves to everyone else behind the anonymity of their device.  Yes, you have a right to your opinion.  Yes, it's a free country. Yes, you can even argue with people over the internet. That's your right too.

But are your arguments and opinions benefiting your cause directly or are they simply a source of tension relief, to feel like you've been "heard"? Are we unifying the body of Christ with our opinions or are we simply causing more division? If you're bracing yourself for an attack before you post, should you even post? Is the Holy Spirit guiding your clicking or is it something else?

I have friends on my Facebook feeds from all sides of every fence, and I read articles and postings from people I care about that share different views about life. I scroll down through the comments, and I see vicious, cruel, unloving words. Christians getting angry with other Christians makes us unattractive to an unbelieving world. (1 Corinthians 6:1-7) Christians getting self-righteous with unbelievers makes us an abhorrent, arrogant, stench in the nostril of unbelievers, and they are turning away from us because of it every day, never to look back, never to read another thing we post.

As Christ followers, we will be attacked by the world and its followers.(John 15:18-21)
We should be responding with grace and truth if we feel the Spirit lead us to respond at all. (Colossians 4:6)
Turning the other cheek is still always an option, my friends. (Matthew 5:38-44)
Speaking the Truth of Jesus in the Holy Spirit led attitude of selfless love is the other option. (Ephesians 4:15)
Honestly, neither are easy. What IS easy is spouting off my opinions while I'm not being led by the Spirit. That's mostly what I read online, what I hear in the tone of so many God-fearing friends whose hearts are good, but whose intentions are not Spirit-led in the moment. I have been just as guilty.

Christ desires for us to be unified in Him, functioning as one unit, as one Body. That's what I really want. To see my dear Christian friends united in grace and understanding toward one another DESPITE their differences in opinion. To be the living, breathing picture of Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. 

2) Because fighting over social media really accomplishes NOTHING. If you want to accomplish something, get a group of your friends together who have the same opinion and write your representatives, organize and participate in a march, a peaceful demonstration of your beliefs, go to your church or local non-profit and see what there is you can already do now, before our government decides. Send money, food, clothes, prayers. Get your hands and lives dirty being the hands and feet of Christ. Seek the heart of God in prayer, real prayer. Get others to pray with you.

And then, AFTER you've done all those things, then maybe you have some first hand, real life opinions to add to the conversation, and that's what this should be, a conversation, not a stand off to the death, not a I'm-right-you're-wrong-so-let's-hash-it-out arena. As with all things, social media can be used for good, to spread hope, love, and the truth about Jesus Christ, but I am so messed up in my flesh that too often that just doesn't happen, and now there's this arena called the internet the devil is using to expose just how not Spirit-led the body of Christ can be--on display for the whole world to see! Wouldn't it be better sometimes to simply not share anything at all?

Reposting various articles from various sources supporting your viewpoint just passes around more fuel for the fire (whether that be intentional or unintentional, the effect is still the same), and honestly, our media is so biased, how do you really know you can believe EVERY WORD written by anyone these days, regardless of what side of the political fence you stand on. Unless you know the author personally, like you have a personal relationship with the person who wrote the article and can vouch for their unbiased journalism or at the very least the integrity of their character, why share at all? 

Satan wants Christians to be divided. To cut the body of Christ into so many pieces it becomes useless, ineffective, and lifeless. We are almost there.

So while God and I still wrestle with where I stand on the issue of refugees, here is where I know I stand...

God is Sovereign. (Isaiah 46:10) He is in control.(Proverbs 19:21) He appointed the leadership of our country. (Romans 13:1) If He directs me to take a stand against the refugees, then I will write my representatives and do my part to sign petitions and take a stand accordingly, without posting articles and opinions on Facebook. I will take action where the Lord directs to influence the decision makers who are not reading the bickering comments of the rabble on social media.

If the Lord directs me to open my home, my heart, my wallet to pour out of myself on behalf of the refugees, then that's what I will do. I will go to my church or find an organization where I can aid in their voice to actually benefit the real people, the refugees themselves. I will follow the voice of the Lord and actually BE the hands and feet of Jesus instead of just talking about what I SHOULD be to a faceless mass who doesn't know me, instead of rallying people to an opinion and a cause that I actually haven't done one physical thing to actually support other than share an article on Facebook.

God knows me. And He knows you.(John 10:14) He knows your heart and hears your prayers, and He doesn't think it always needs to be plastered on social media.(Jeremiah 17:10) He wants it to be plastered across His social media. He wants our knees to the earth and voices raised in intercession for the least of these. He doesn't need our powerless typed words. He needs our powerful spoken ones.  The ones spoken in secret, laced with tears, battling hard for our fellow believers and for those who don't believe.

He wants us to pray fervently for our government and then graciously accept that their decision is allowed by Him and part of His design after we have followed His individual instructions to us in our own lives on how to best influence that leadership.

But the division has got to stop. On every topic. The conversations need to continue, they need to be had, they need to be heard, but this is not the space for it. The space for those conversations should be the four walls of your home or the Starbucks table with a friend. That's where we should have the courage to have the real and the hard conversations. One on one. Face to face.

So my solution, my resolve? If it's an article or post that might aid in the division of the body of Christ, I'm not liking it, sharing it, or commenting on it from this moment on. I won't aid the devil in continuing to divide the people of Christ. I just won't. 

But if you want my opinion about divisive topics, I'll be happy to have those conversations in a more personal space where we can be together and unified and civil and brave--together. Not separated by cyberspace. My prayer for this country and the people of Jesus Christ is that we be unified in love of our Savior and not fall into the snares of the devil, be they ever so sly, ever so slick, ever so seemingly harmless, ever so temptingly well-intentioned. 

God wants His voice to be heard, His story, His heart. We are His messengers. (2 Corinthians 5:20) May our message, in every word and every motive of our heart, always reflect His heart.  And if it doesn't, we are more prudent to stay silent. (Proverbs 17:28)

If it doesn't unify the Body of Christ, then it doesn't glorify Jesus Christ. (Notice I said unity within the body of believers--we will always be at odds with those who don't believe. Trying to achieve unity in that arena is a losing battle, and that's an opinion for another day;)

So to all my family and friends whom I love and who are my brothers and sisters in Christ, let us not give up spurring one another along toward Christ! (Hebrews 10:23-25) But if it's not spurring each other in that direction, let's all choose to pray before we click. That's all I ask, that's how I'm trying to change myself--a prayer before a post, then at the very least as many prayers are being said seeking the heart of God as there are opinions flying around :)

You Have What It Takes: Lessons with Littles

It was a hot June day where I watched the adults versus students soccer game commence on the steaming astroturf.  My hubby had come out for the festivities, always willing to play a game of soccer and to join in on some school fun as well.  It was the school's end of year celebration, and the soccer field was alive with sweaty kids and adults scrambling back and forth from one end of the field to the other.

Next to me, sat my son. He slouched slightly, huddled up next to me, silently watching the game in motion. My husband had called to him, wanting him to come play with/against him. But my son just shook his head, pressed into my side a little harder and just stared at the game.  I could sense he was unhappy.

"Son, why don't you go play? Every one's out there running around. It looks like fun even if you don't get a chance to kick the ball. Just go run around with your friends."

He shook his head, fidgeting, not making eye contact.

"What's wrong?  Why won't you go play?  You love to run around, and look, your dad is out there and your friends.  What's the problem?"

He turned his eyes to mine, meeting my gaze, and I could see the insecurity and (was that shame?) in his body language. "Mom," he said, raising his hands palms upward to either side of his body, shrugging his shoulders upward, "I just don't have what it takes." And he slumped back, eyes watching the game, defeated. And he'd never even set foot on the field.

My immediate reaction was righteous, holy anger.  In that brief moment, I felt like maybe the way God felt calling for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, seeking them out to join Him. They hid, telling God they were naked and afraid to show themselves, and God's reply was, "Who told you you were naked?"(Genesis 3:11)  That's what I felt.  That moment I wanted to grab my son with both hands and shake him, saying, "Who told you that?! Who told you you didn't have what it takes?!?!?"

Certainly not me. Certainly not my husband.  We have told our kids to work hard and reach for the best of who God made them to be since they were born. We have prayed this over them.  This is not something he learned at home or through his environment or any other adult in his life of whom I am aware.

This was the voice of the devil.  This was the voice of the DNA of his flesh. This was the voice of the world, satan's dominion. This was the voice of a lie. (Ephesians 6:12, Galatians, 5:17, 1 John 5:19, John 8:44)

My son is five years old and already being attacked by the voices I myself have only begun to identify in my thirties. The holy, indignant mama bear in me wanted to wring satan's neck and cause him slow, torturous, unbearable pain for even thinking about messing with my five-year-old boy's mind. But the reality and weight and truth of the moment set in.

My heart softened and hurt for my son. Satan wasn't here himself, whispering lies in the mind of my child. He can't be everywhere at once like God, and I'm pretty sure he's pulling the personal strings of some way more dangerous and influential people somewhere in the world right now. His demons have no reason to be concerned with my son at this point in his life.  It was just the flesh my boy was born with, spiritual, genetically inherited, sinful DNA. My son didn't have to be taught how to believe lies, he just naturally, innately believed them. (Galatians 5:17)

He needed to be set free. The truth will always set you free, even if it's hard. (John 8:32)

I looked him in the eye. Firmly but lovingly said, "That is a lie from the devil. No one has ever told you that. You need to believe the truth. You need to believe what I say about who you are. You have exactly what it takes to get out there and play and enjoy and be successful. So get up. Get out there.  I don't care if you never touch the ball.  I don't care if all you do is run back and forth the rest of the game, not really knowing what you're doing.  Just get out there. You don't have a choice. Now get up and go!"

Reluctantly, he obeyed.

And in reflection, I hear the voice of my heavenly Father, my holy Parent, giving me the same speech, imparting the same truth. He's trying so diligently to always be setting me free. (Galatians 5:1 John 8:36))

"You are not (____insert lie______). That is a lie from the devil. My Word has never told you that is who you are. You need to believe the truth. You need to believe what I AM says about who you are. You have exactly what it takes to get out there and live victoriously, play joyfully, enjoy deeply, and succeed abundantly. I made you! I should know! So get up. Get out there. I don't care if you never reach that impossible goal, attain that important platform, grab hold of that dream. I don't care if all you do is run back and forth in pursuit of Me the rest of your time here on earth, not really ever knowing what you are doing. Just get out there. You have made your choice to follow Me, and I'm not allowing you the choice to live enslaved to fear. Now get up and go!"

Powerful words from the most influential Person in my life. Powerful words to a five-year-old when I am one of the most influential people in his life right now.

And you know what?  In the mass of adults and students running pell-mell around that field, people with way more experience at soccer than my son, he actually got to kick the ball! Twice! In the right direction!  As a parent, I've never been more proud.

And I have to think my Heavenly Father just wants the same from me. My effort to give it a try, my willingness to participate and see what happens. A good attitude helps, but sometimes it's the result of taking that first step anyways. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can be a starting point, but sometimes you don't know what you're capable of until you try, and since no one really knows the limit to God's capabilities, you should assume no one knows the limit of His capabilities in and through you. (Job 11:7) There's no personality or spiritual gifts test that will perfectly package what my Uncontainable God can accomplish in the life of an open heart, soul, and mind of a child who is willing to fully trust and simply obey the words that flow from her Father's heart.

Just like my son, the whispered lies we believe imprison us to sit forever on the sidelines. The plain truth of our Heavenly Father, written clearly and completely, cover to cover in the Bible invites us to play and thrive! (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Just like my son, will you trust Jesus with your deepest hurts, the lies you're afraid to speak out loud? Because I promise, He will come to your rescue. (Isaiah 35:4) He's the only One in righteous anger capable of literally strangling the devil inside you. His words are full of grace and hope and an open invitation to be part of something bigger than yourself. (Ephesians 3:20)

Just like myself, as a parent or an influencer of a child in any respect, will you consider the responsibility, the weight your words carry in the life of a child? You may literally be the picture of God they hold in their mind's eye until they are old enough to learn how to forgive you for how imperfect you actually are. May your words reflect the heart of God into their little lives, and when they don't--because mine sure always don't--may your open confession to them turn their hearts toward the Lord in search of the one Person who will never let them down.

Just like myself, may you hear the heart of God echoed in the words you speak to others and may you experience the same boomerang effect of them coming back around to settle in the heart of your own life.  (And let's be honest, that little speech I gave to my son above, that came straight from the Holy Spirit. I can take NO credit.)

Just like my son, may you hear the words of the Father and respond immediately and accordingly. Trust and obey. Get up, get out there, never stop chasing after the will of the Father. Pity parties on the side lines are the result of getting caught believing subtle lies. Being side-lined by the Father is a totally different feeling and blog for another day, but the big difference is those side-lined by the Father are sitting on the bench, anxiously waiting to get back in the game. My son was side-lined by fear and lies. BIG difference. Know thyself, but know thy God better.

Read Isaiah 42:1-9...
Life is an amazing journey that God created. Be on the journey with Him. Enjoy the journey with Him. Talk about all aspects of the journey with Him. Confession is how we give all the bad to God, so He can in turn bless us with encouragement and fellowship and all the good.

"Jesus is the answer for the world today/Above Him there's no other/Jesus is the way."

My Little Man

Well, it's only fitting when big sister gets her accolades on her sixth birthday that little brother does too. =)

There is something about six years old though.  It marks the end of chubby cheeks, silly precious baby talk, and awkward movement, and ushers in a very distinct milestone into childhood. A new life all their own. Where my little boy will head off to school for seven hours every day instead of in my home, and his life outside of mine really begins to take shape.

Yes, there's something about six years old, and since he's not only my boy, he's my baby, my heart aches a little harder this time around.  But oh world!  Let me tell you what's heading your way!

Weston Loyd Durham is bright and charming and what he can't accomplish with a winning wit he will succeed with a devilish smile. He thinks likes his Mama, and wins people with his personality like his Daddy. He is smart, wickedly smart.  He's a thinker, a planner, a lover, a snuggler. He's my cautious adventurer.

He may be afraid to fail at times, but when push comes to shove, he sticks his tongue out and works hard to make things happen.  He's not afraid of a little pain. He loves to be praised, and encouragement is the fuel that can make him try something new, even when his perfectionist tendencies try to hold him back.

He makes us laugh hard and smile long. When he speaks, though not often, you had better listen because the wisdom that flows can be surprising. He hears, sees, knows, and understands more than we ever give him credit for. There are deep waters in those hazel eyes.

You still take my hand at times, little man. You're not embarrassed yet to hug your Mama, openly throw your arms around me, and shamelessly tell the world you love me, no matter who's listening. I hope you never stop.

But someday when you might, my prayer is that you never feel that way about Jesus. My prayer for you, my Steadfast child, is that you are never ashamed of your love for Jesus, and that you will speak about Him wherever you go no matter who's listening. May you grow to be a man of strength and unwavering integrity in a world that is desperately looking for real men to stand up and stand firm and stand tall.

I love you with all my heart! Happy Birthday Weston! Six years is something special to celebrate!

Have Courage: Lessons with Littles

It was August of 2014.  I had just spent six weeks apartment living for the first time in my entire life of 34 years. Throw a dog and two kids into that apartment, and it was, shall we say, adventurous, but trying. Now our rental house had finally become available. The movers had come and gone, and the boxes were everywhere. I had just moved from east coast to west coast, and it was time to make a home again.

To say I was stressed and exhausted--mentally, emotionally, physically--would have been an understatement.  But if I was anything, I was calm. I was taking one bite of life at a time. I was controlled--or so I thought.

That first week in our new neighborhood, our family took a stroll down to the playground/green park field that most neighborhoods in California like to incorporate. It was a quiet, peaceful, late afternoon with the sun beginning to set, when we turned to walk our family of four and our dog Samson back to our new home.

Samson was trotting along at the end of his leash, all ten years of his contented dachshund self happy to be pulling at the end of eight feet of leash, trying to keep up with the kids skipping ahead.  When it happened.

Out of nowhere an Irish Setter, attached to a leash NOT attached to an owner, rushed my little dog, blind siding him. A rolling mass of red hair and leash began to tumble across the sidewalk in front of me, with yipping, yelping, snarling, and growling coming from within the ball of fur.

My husband quickly entered the red hair flurry, pulling the Irish Setter out by its owner-less leash.

I, on the other hand, had snapped. Something inside of me broke and for the (maybe) fifth? time in my entire life, I had an out of body experience where I was outside of my body viewing my life like a camera man panning a scene. Some of the scenes were close ups of the woman's face who had appeared on the scene as the owner of the Irish Setter. She was older, sixties, slow, confused, befuddled. A look of bewilderment smeared across her face.  Pan up, and from above, looking down, I am 12-15 inches from her face. Screaming.

I mean screaming. To this day, I do not remember what I said to her. Something about dogs needing to be on a leash. Something about her dog attacking mine. Something about what the heck was she thinking. I don't know. I just know I was red-faced and spit was flying from the corners of my mouth. Pan to the side, and my arms were flailing wildly like it was all I could do to keep from grabbing this woman and shaking her.

I remember taking a breath. She looked at me incredulously and said, "Why are you screaming at me?" And it was in that unapologetic remark, I found my second wind and began to scream again. Was that all she had to say for herself? My dog could be seriously injured. He has bad hips and a bad back, etc. etc. etc. Why would you let your dog run around the park while you sit on a bench? The screaming continued, and I realized another neighbor had entered onto the scene and swiftly inserted himself and his dog in between me and this woman, slowly creating distance between us. I must have looked like a mad woman, at least that's how I imagine it.

I turn to look to my husband for some support, some back-up. He has Samson in his arms and is already fifty yards away, back turned to me, telling the kids to head home, now. Red-faced and heaving from the exertion, I enter back inside my body and turn reluctantly to follow him home.

In the hours that follow, I fumed over the arrogance of this woman who never once apologized or even acknowledged that her dog had done something wrong. But once the fuming began to fade, I began to realize also the error of my own ways.  In the retelling of the story to people in the next few months, I openly acknowledged I owed that woman an apology. She became teasingly known as "my friend," and both my husband and my children liked to point out when we drove by the park that "my friend" was out, or she's in front of her house, or she's over there with her dog.

Six months passed and the lookout for "my friend" had not faded. Neither my husband nor my kids would let me forget I owed this lady an apology. My plan to let things die down, hoping they would forget about the incident wasn't working. Their constant reminders began to rub my pride the wrong way.  I know I was in the wrong, but so was "my friend." She started it by not tending to her dog properly. She should be the one to apologize first, especially since she hadn't apologized in the heat of the moment.  All of these arguments and reasonings and conversations played around inside my head for months.

And every time, I heard the voice of the Lord, softly and gently elbow nudge my spirit, "You know you need to apologize. It's the right thing to do." And never more than that. He wasn't nagging like the voices of my children, or slightly condescending like my husband. He wasn't making me have to do anything. But in His kindness and softness, I felt myself begin to give. I knew He was right. I knew they were all right.  I just plain didn't.want.to.do.it..

Bottom line. I didn't want to. It would require I swallow huge lumps of pride in the back of my throat. It would require an embarrassing conversation that I could foresee no good way of beginning. Apologizing to a woman who didn't even know my name, and I didn't even know hers. It was too embarrassing, too awkward of a situation. Time would pass. This would be forgotten in the long run.

Then one day in May, we were driving past her house with her car in the driveway and her Irish setter behind the fence like we had had to do every day since August to get out of our neighborhood, and my daughter pipes up very calmly from the back seat, "Mom. You just need to have courage and apologize."

Have courage. My stomach sinks, and if there was an ounce of pride left in me, it oozed out onto the floor of the car. I sighed, and gently replied, "You're right, darling. I do need to have courage."

And I began to pray that very moment, right then and there, that the Lord would provide the perfect opportunity for me to apologize. I prayed it would be on a day we weren't in a hurry trying to get somewhere on time. I prayed my kids would be in the car with me, so they could see me apologize. I prayed that the woman would be alone in the park, mostly to cut down on my own embarrassment.  I began to pray for these things every time, every day, we had to drive past that green space and her house.

And to be honest, there were days we were in a hurry, and she was in the park. I told the kids we didn't have time to stop. Excuses. There were days I saw her out in the park with other dogs and neighbors. I told the kids she looked busy. Excuses. There were days I saw her alone, but the kids weren't in the car, so I drove right on by. Excuses.

Let me tell you, living a life full of excuses is unpleasant, and every time I passed that park, I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. It dawned on me that living a life of excuses was just as uncomfortable as the conversation I knew I needed to have to make the apology. It was really a simple matter of will I keep making the wrong choice or do the hard thing and follow through with the right choice. Both seemed equally uncomfortable at this point.

And I began to contemplate my daughter's rather insightful perception at the age of seven, that to apologize, to confess my wrong behavior--without the expectation of an apology in return!--that act really would and does embody the definition of courage. Wikipedia defines courage as "the choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal or discouragement."

Have courage. All the circumstances surrounding why I had acted the way I had acted really didn't matter. The fact that the other party involved had no reaction or an inappropriate reaction really didn't matter. Courage is a personal choice. And in the case of a child of God, it is an act of obedience, a personal choice that God calls me to make out of obedience to Him and His hand on my life. And while to that woman, my choice would not look like courage to her, it would be the poster illustration of courage to my watching children.

And my children were watching. I had asked them to have courage for almost a year now. Placing them in new surroundings, new schools, new church classes, new routines, new after-school activities, new everything.  I had thrown them in and preached courage to them. Praised them for their bravery and fortitude and good attitudes. It was time to practice what I preached.

So almost a year later, one day in July, the Lord answered every one of my specific prayers, and once again in my pride, I was going to drive past that park, fingers crossed, hoping the kids didn't see the Irish Setter running around. Nope. "Moooommm!! There she is! When are you going to apologize?"

My pride oozed out onto the floor of my car once more. U-turned at the stop sign. Parked in front of the park. Walked hesitantly up to the woman, introduced myself with a hand shake, and apologized for my behavior almost a year ago. She had the same befuddled look on her face. She began to make excuses for her dog, something about how her dog thought smaller dogs were rabbits? I bit my tongue and simply apologized again for my inappropriate behavior. She smiled briefly and said, "Well, it must not have been too bad if I don't remember it." Shaking my hand again, she told me again her name was Freida, I said mine was Jennifer, wished her a great day, and returned to my car.

Both kids were smiling ear to ear and giving me their thumbs up. Something in me felt lighter, less burdened. Free.

I didn't even know I had been imprisoned.  Bothered, yes. Troubled, maybe. But imprisoned? No, the freedom I have felt driving past Freida's house every day since definitely points to the fact I had been imprisoned by the sin of my pride in this matter.

And it makes me wonder how many other little things, small sins, little bothers, small troubles are actually keeping me in chains, are keeping me from being able to live life with a freedom most people only dream of. For how many years have these sins--supposedly forgotten, supposedly in my past, supposedly swept under the rug--for how many years have some of them held my life captive? In what other ways am I living a life of cowardice instead of courage in the eyes of my children? 

I realized that to willingly humble oneself is the most courageous human act. (Philippians 2: 3-11) My children even recognized this. My ability to admit my mistakes, confess when I was wrong, willingly own my failures--this was courage. This was how my children would learn to be courageous.

I also realized that sins of the past don't have an expiration date. They wouldn't expire until they were confessed and forgiven. Sometimes that means asking forgiveness of others if those others are still available to ask, but I find that more often it means asking forgiveness for myself and recognizing that all those little supposedly insignificant sins add up to a lifetime of living excuses in one area or another. Jesus always knows how to forgive perfectly. I just had to ask.

Suddenly conviction became a beautiful gift. I wanted to confess every sin. I wanted to apologize every chance I got. I was overwhelmed by just how easy it could be to be truly free, truly unencumbered. I just had to let go of me and grab hold of Jesus instead. Once again, His way, His path, led directly to freedom. 

Have courage. Let go of you and grab hold of Jesus instead. Huh....easier typed than lived.  After all, it took me almost a year just to make one apology. I'm praying next time I can at least cut that time frame in half;)

Sand or Stone? Living with Grief

Two years. Two years and I now recognize a pattern in my life. The month of May passes and the weight lifts, summer is on the horizon, and it's time to take some ground, conquer some fears, remember her life and live mine with joy!

Then December comes and random thoughts begin to flood the recesses of my mind. Small moments throughout the days catch me by surprise with vivid memories of her laugh, her smile, her hug. In the rush of the holidays, I don't allow myself to grieve. This is the time of year to rejoice! So I push through and smile and sing Christmas carols and save her memory for another day.

Then January rolls around and it's her birthday month and from that point on, from the day of her birth here on earth until her heavenly birthday in May the pictures begin to show up on Instagram and Facebook, and I. Can't. Stop. The memories.

And I wrestle with the Lord because she should be here. It's not right. It's not good. It's not loving that she's not here. And I'm faced again with the harsh reality--yet also my deepest comfort--that God's ways are not my ways. (Deuteronomy 29:29) And her memory reminds me to stay humble because just when you think you've got God figured out is exactly when you don't.

I have experienced loss before her. I have lost grandparents and have even weathered a miscarriage. Somehow the loss of someone older was expected, not easier to bare mind you, but expected. That fits the flow of all life. We live, grow old, and die. The older pass before the younger, sometimes earlier than we like, but still a reasonable assumption.

The miscarriage was the loss of a life I'd never know, a child I'd never hold. That loss was not easier, but less connected. The hardest part was not understanding in full who you were grieving because everyone deserves to be known.

But at nineteen? At nineteen the whole world should be ahead of you. You are connected to everyone around you and all the hopes and dreams of the possibilities before you. You have a past that is full and meaningful and a future that is bright. Selfishly I think, I had poured some of the best of me into her. I was suppose to live long enough to see her pour it back into the world. She was suppose to grieve my death one day.

Instead, two years ago, her death ripped a cataclysmic black hole into the universe of my beliefs, my life. And God has allowed her death to pour more meaning back into my life than I thought possible, than I knew was possible.

People may believe this move to California has changed me, that the process of the move has been the catalyst for change in my life. I'm here to tell you it was her death that left me marked.

It was her death at age 19 that God used to show me I have nothing figured out, nothing is in my control, and at the end of the day, no matter what, all I have left is Him.

When the storm washes away all the sand at the foundation of how you live your life, what that foundation is ultimately built upon at the bottom is all that stands. It's from that point you get to reset.

I fail everyday, but with the bones of my structure exposed two years ago, I got the chance to make some new choices. Was I going to continue filling in around my foundation with the sands of busyness, of false idols in family and friends, of ambition, of pride, of control? Or would I make a different choice this time?

No. Trust. Trust in the God of my salvation are the stones I will choose this time. Trust and faith, altar stones that come in shapes and sizes I don't understand or often know how to fit together, each one different from the rest. I have to wait to place them, one at a time, at His direction, at my Master Builder's pace. And He has been faithful to build in me a stronger foundation than I've ever had before.

Yet there are still times when I rush, when I get impatient, when I want the busyness, the pride, the control, the false idols back in my life that I try to pour those sands onto these new rocks. And the sand seeps into the crevices and holes of my foundation, and it sticks, it stays, and it rubs me raw, and it sits until the next rain comes, the next wave, the next storm, the next tsunami.

Then all that sand washes away.  Again.  Once more.  Painfully. (Matthew 7:24-27)

But this time at my foundation I realize there are more stones left behind than from the storm before. I'm not starting over from scratch every time God strips the rubbing sands out of my life, the things that won't hold up in the storm. There's a larger foundation to start over with than the storm before. And sometimes it scares me because I can't help but borrow trouble and think, "What exactly are you preparing me for, Lord?"

There's never an answer to this question. He just holds out more stones of faith and trust, and I stand there, staring at Him. Will I take them? Will I continue to build the foundation of my life with Him? Do it His way?

How can I not? Did He not send His only Son to die for my sin? Did not He too rip open a black hole in His own universe by turning His back on that Son in His own holiness? God, of all people, of anyone knows the greatest of griefs, the greatest of sufferings. His innocent Son died for my salvation, for my eternity at His own command. His innocent, perfect, only child. (John 3:16)

If in my own grief, I hope I live a life that honors the memory of my daughter-sister-friend, how can I not choose to live a life that honors my Savior-Lord-Father-Friend as well? Even more so!!! How can I not simply build my life as an altar with the stones of His choosing?
Isn't that the very least I can do?

And praise Jesus! He's actually alive and well and present and willing and able to equip me to honor Him with my life!! (2 Peter 1:3-8, 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

How can I not?

And so the wrestling with God ends, and her death takes on a new life in my life Every. Single. Time. By bringing me full circle back to the truth of my Jesus' death for me.

That's really all that matters, and the truth is, that's really all that ever will. My lesson in life these days: The grass will never be greener anywhere else but in Jesus' yard.
It's time for me to stop looking.

Maybe, by God's grace, I can teach my kids to stop looking as well. Maybe.

What is it that has marked you recently? That has ripped a black hole in your universe? That makes you wrestle with God? Through the pain, can you see the good yet? Are you determined that your life will grow joy out of that pain? Or are you still lost in the black hole, in the pain?

Keep wrestling. (Genesis 32:22-32) Do the hard thing and work it out. Do the mental work. Do the heart work. Do the soul work it takes to wrestle with God. You might end up physically limping in the end, but my guess is you will also end up eternally blessed--you AND those that follow you.

Put your back into it, and do the work it takes to place those stones of trust and faith at the foundation of your life--the life God Himself has designed and destined. Only He has the blueprints. Only He knows where to place those stones. Put down your bags of sand, which may pour out easier, but ultimately weigh more than those stones, and all that sand WILL wash away. It's just a matter of time.

Today I choose the Rock. Today I place another stone of trust. "He only is my Rock and my Salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2 (The soundtrack to this blog in my head right now: Meredith Andrew's song Your Kingdom Reigns.)

Not by might nor by power, but by His Spirit alone! (Zechariah 4:6) Amen!

.........
"The breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4"
In loving memory of Savannah Joy Veale.
Today you dance two years in heaven. Oh the stories you can tell!

An Unexpected Blessing: Happy Mother's Day!

Have you ever read a passage of Scripture a thousand times only to have the Holy Spirit reveal a new truth about that very passage that you thought you understood so well all these years?

Matthew 25:

31 “But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;33 and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on His right, "Come, you who are blessed of My Father,inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 

36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me." 

37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 

40 The King will answer and say to them, "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."

I always thought this passage of Scripture was like the ultimate Christian goal.  It's the reward we all strive for--the "Well-done-My-good-and-faithful-servant" Award.  I always assumed it came at the end of times when I'm finally in the presence of my Jesus.  It's what I would spend my life trying to attain, but never really be able to see.  Just like the righteous in verse 37, I would humbly ask my Jesus, "When did I ever do these things for You? I just raised two kids. Just the two you gave me.  I'm pretty sure that's the only thing I ever really accomplished, and I'm not even sure I did a great job. You really did all the heart work."

And recently, the Lord literally took this passage and whispered into my heart, "Exactly. If you have ears to hear and eyes to see, look, and be encouraged!"

Verse 35: Who comes to you hungry, asking for food, needing to be fed, unable to feed themselves more than a child?  And Mama, whether that child be of your own flesh or someone else's, the choice to serve them is the same.  There are millions of mothers across the world who choose not to serve their own children.  The fact that you make that choice for your own flesh and blood does not demean or belittle your calling or your service.

This verse also does not specify whether the food given is spiritual or physical.  If you choose to do one or the other or both, are you not unknowingly feeding Christ as well?

Who comes to you more thirsty, asking for water or juice, needing to be rehydrated, unable to pour a cup for themselves than a child? Mama, if you have done this for a child, you have done this for Christ as well! If you have poured words of life into the cup of a child of any age who is searching, in need of hope that only comes from the Wellspring of Life in Jesus Christ, then you have given Living Water to the thirsty.

Who comes to you more of a stranger in a strange land than a child birthed out of the womb, taken from another home, or perhaps another country?  And yet mama, you choose to bring them into your home, to invite them into the vulnerable places of your heart and life, to love them, to care for them, to bathe them, to nurture them, to pour yourself into them. To make it so they are no longer a stranger, but a child who has a place of belonging.  Well done. Jesus sees you and accepts your invitation, your sacrifice.

Verse 36: Who comes to you more naked than a newborn baby? or a child who has been stripped of all they have known, of anything familiar? And Mama, you choose to clothe them. To give them new garments, new coverings to warm and protect and celebrate and give dignity! We do this not only with physical clothing, but with our words and what and how we teach them. By doing so you choose to clothe Christ.

Who do we spend more time ministering to than our own sick children? You blow their noses, medicate their fevers, sleep at their bedsides when the coughing is thick, hold their hands, hug their tiny, weak bodies, willing every moment that you wish it was you and not them suffering. I ask you, Mama, who do you minister to more than your own sick babies?!?!

Jesus says, "Truly I say to you, Mama, to the extent that you did it to one (even one!) of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."

And who do we visit in prison more than our own children? Whether their prison be physical--such as actual prison bars or closed bedroom doors, or whether it be spiritual--such as a rebellious or unrepentant heart, or whether it be mental and/or emotional--such as past abuses and hurts, who visits a child in theses circumstances, meeting them exactly where they are, whether in person or through prayer, more than their mother?!?!?!?!

I'm telling you, I have rejoiced in the unveiling of this truth to me for weeks now!

Because on the days as a mother when I feel like all I accomplished was cleaning, feeding, and laundering, I NEED THIS.

I need to hear the whisper of my Lord say, "You fed ME today. You washed MY clothes today. You soothed MY heart with your hug today. You made ME feel better with that medicine today."

Because at the end of the day, every day, for the rest of my life, if all I do is serve HIM, then my heart can live with that and rejoice in that and find hope and purpose and meaning and joy...in THAT.

"Thank you Lord for unexpected blessings, for new truths revealed in old passages, for proving Yourself to be faithful to Your Word in Your Word and through Your Word over and over and over again."

So Happy Mother's Day friends! Be encouraged Mama! You serve the King of Kings each day and every day right in your own home!

Be Missional

(So, my dear friends over at BeStillBeFree asked me to write for them this week, and I'm praying everyone will hop over to their website to check out the podcast and other resources that go along with this post. Here goes...my first assigned topic since college....)

I started writing this post a week ago. I wrote one long, deeply complex explanation of what I thought God had been teaching me about what it means to be missional, and somewhere in the middle of writing that long explanation I had a giant "Ah-ha" moment.

My entire life has been missional; it is missional. It's not something I do, it's who I am in Christ.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 10 for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11 Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation." 1 Peter 2:9-12

You see, according to Google, mission can be defined as "an organization or institution involved in a long-term assignment in a foreign country." Which means from the moment I accepted Christ into my heart at the age of four, I not only became a new member of the body of Christ--the institution of God's church--but I have been on a mission for Christ ever since and didn't even know it. (Hebrews 11:13-16, 13:14, Philippians 3:20). This world is not my true home. I have felt this in every part of my inner being since I was eleven and old enough to decide Christ is who I wanted to follow, He was what I wanted to pursue.

Every day after that for me has been one missional day lived after another. Because to be missional means to live for Christ. "Ok, ok," you're thinking, "I hear you. Being a Christian is a mission in itself, but aren't we called to more? What about our dreams, our passions, our gifts? Don't those play into our mission?" Yes! Absolutely! Take a big picture look at your life, then look closely at the details. What do you see?

Google also defines a mission as "a strongly felt aim, ambition, or calling." This is where it gets tricky because I think God sends us on many different missions within the big mission of simply being His child.

At the age of eleven, my mission was being an obedient child to my parents and a growing seeker of Christ. (Isaiah 30:21)

At fifteen, my mission was to discover the truth about who God says I am. How did He see me? (Psalm 139, Ephesians 1)

At eighteen, the mission became to discover who God says He is. Do I relate to God correctly? (Isaiah 55:8-9)

At twenty-one, my mission became to be a godly wife. Do I exemplify how the church should love Jesus Christ in my relationship with my husband? (Ephesians 5:22-24)

At twenty-seven, God added the mission of being a godly parent. He gave me the responsibility of shaping young hearts and minds that were created in His image. Do I represent God in a such a way that is honoring to Him and appealing to my children? (Deuteronomy 6)

At thirty-four, God sent our entire family on a mission to move across the United States from east coast to west coast in following of a call He had clearly laid on our hearts. (Exodus 14)

And now at thirty five, as if all those missions aren't large enough as it seems, I can feel Him stirring my heart for something more, something deeper. (Isaiah 43)

If people looking from the outside in, see my journey, my life, as being missional, then to God be the glory!!! I'm praising God in writing this blog because He's shown me my life HAS been missional; it IS missional. Living for my Jesus has required deep sacrifices in all areas of my life--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It has required that I hold nothing back from Him. I have learned to bare my soul to Him and for Him. (Psalm 62:8) I have to practice living life with open hands, and it is not easy. Because open hands means my husband, my children, my dreams, my anything are in those open hands. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. (Job 1:21)

Will God still be enough? To be missional, the answer has to be yes. That is both a terrifying and freeing place to live depending on the day of the week and whether I'm experiencing a flesh-filled or Spirit-filled kind of day.

And friends, I am a nobody by the world's standards. I have no books, no speaking engagements, no cause to promote, no ministry calling (at present) except for being a child of God, a wife, and a mother. Don't you think that's a pretty BIG "except for"? I believe God is teaching me that if I live out the missions I already have, faithfully, He will continue to add to those missions in His time, in His way, slowly building me toward those hopes and dreams He's given.

I don't have a name for my next mission, but I can feel the Holy Spirit preparing me for it. I can see God's handwriting all over the pages of my life. He's uprooting old dreams, long dead and buried, and breathing new life into them. He shows me even in the stillness, the seeming nothingness of life, that He sees me right where He's placed me. He proves that He hears me because my prayers have never been more alive or answered.

Being missional means doing life with Jesus. Not like He's some distant religious god or statue or figurehead. No, being missional means Jesus Christ is as real of a relationship in my life as my husband lying breathing in bed next to me--warm, close, and intimate. Being missional means living like I value that relationship so much, I don't want to do anything intentional to screw it up.

It means I spend my life seeking after the heart of God. Whatever that looks like, whatever that takes, wherever the Spirit leads and God calls--that's where I am to be, and that is being missional.

Moses was missional.

When you read the life of Moses recorded in Exodus through Deuteronomy, you start to see the depth of how much Moses just wanted God.  God asked him to do hard things, and Moses had to answer some hard questions about himself. He screwed up and still kept plugging away at his relationship with God. In the end, it didn't matter that he would never get to experience the Promised Land for himself; it was enough that he was on a mission with God together, doing life God's way.

Do you really want to be missional, to live life mission-minded with great purpose? Because I have learned and experienced that God will ask you the hard questions and your answers will determine the direction of your mission, whether you head back to Egypt or toward the Promised Land.

Are you aware of all the areas in life you fall short? Can you identify them, admit them, own them? Can you lay them all out at God's feet and let Him equip you anyway? (Exodus 3-7)

Will you go where He's leading? Who or what is your Pharaoh? Will you face him? Who are the people God has called you to passionately intercede for? to lead? Who or what breaks your heart for God? (Exodus 8-14, Exodus 32, Numbers 14:13-16)

Are you willing to brave the wilderness with them whatever that may look like? Trusting God to be your Protector, Provider for every need, to be your ever-present Guide, and you only move when He moves? (Exodus 16, Numbers 9:15-23)

When the people around you that you serve and/or lead, when they inevitably complain, moan, groan, grumble, question your authority, your decisions, will you complain also? Will you take matters into your own hands? Or will you go directly to God with all your complaints, all your concerns, all your everything? Will you seek God's forgiveness and favor not just for yourself, but for those grumbling people as well? (Numbers 11-19)

And when you inevitably screw up, when you take matters into your own hands, when you forget that God deserves all the glory for anything and everything you are, and God seems to come down hard, will you accept His discipline? Will you accept that your sin has consequences just the same as the people you serve and lead? Will you continue on your mission anyway? Will you serve faithfully, following God despite the fact you may never set foot in the Promised Land this side of heaven? (Numbers 20-Deuteronomy)

Will God be enough?

God must be enough. He must be simply all you need. To be missional, you must consider these questions and be able to answer them honestly.  

The point being, we can be missional anywhere at any point in time as long as we accept and believe the grass is never greener anywhere else--we're not going to even look. Your satisfaction with where God places you in life, where He leads you, shows how much you truly desire God's will and plan for your life. Are you satisfied with the place, the time, the season, the circumstances in which God has you currently living life? To be missional, you must be able to answer that question with yes! 

He knows my dreams. He knows my heart. I trust His plan, so for now, one seemingly, insignificant day at a time, in this stillness--maybe for you it's a hardship--we just need to take the next step of obedience toward Christ, whatever that is. I have learned there is more forward progress in our lives toward the heart of God in the seeming nothingness of daily obedience out of love to our Lord than in a lifetime of mountain top, dream-fulfilling experiences. 

I want to live my life with steady forward progress toward my Jesus.

And while as the body of Christ, we have one mission in common--to be His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20)--how He goes about accomplishing this mission looks very, very different in each one of us. We all have different dreams, passions, gifts, talents, hobbies, interests, personalities, backgrounds, cultures, families, environments, etc., etc., etc.  The differences among us are as vast as the heavens itself! How then can we expect to find a cookie-cutter, three-step answer on how to complete a mission no one else has ever embarked on because no one else has ever been you? 

The answer is actually surprisingly simple. You choose to live your life to glorify God in everything you say, do, and think, and then you tell God's story about your life when the opportunity comes or more often, you just live out God's story for others to see. (1 Peter 2:9-12)

You say. "Yes," to God. Every. Single. Time.

He says, "Pray without ceasing." You say, "Yes." And you practice saying prayers in the grocery aisle over which cereal is the best use of the money God has given you. You practice praying about everything and anything, no matter how small or ridiculous. You pray expecting answers. You're listening and looking for God to answer. And He does! You hear God's voice! (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; John 10:27)

He says, "Take every thought captive." You say, "Yes." And you practice being aware of how your thoughts influence your attitudes, and you begin to separate the lies from the Truth. You choose to cut things out of your life that are feeding you lies. You experience freedom! (2 Corinthians 10:5)

He says, "Believe all of My words to be truth." You say, "Yes." And you practice seeking God's point of view first, on everything. Before your friends, before your mom, before you google or check Facebook, you begin checking Scripture first. And despite all the horrible, ugly things in the world, you fall in love with Jesus and realize you have the Pearl of Great Price, and you will sell everything you have to keep it! (2 Timothy 3:16, Matthew 13:45-46)

Being missional means you say yes to God in everything because He is enough.  And if you look carefully at those examples above, you will see that most of the doing is taking place inside your own mind and heart, it's not happening on the outside where people can see. You have to be missional on the inside first for people to experience Christ in who you are on the outside. If you try to forcefully reverse that process, people don't see Jesus; they see you striving to be something you are not.

Missional people don't complain, they don't manipulate, they don't negotiate. They don't have their own agenda. They are not fake, and they are not proud, and they have nothing to hide. As soon as I find myself living in one of these categories, I have a choice to make. Repent, making progress toward the Promised Land or live in sin and keep plodding back toward Egypt.  

God says to repent and missional people say yes to God.

Because the truth is if God isn't enough, then you must have some idea of what would be better, of what could be more fulfilling. For the first forty years of his life, Moses had all of that, and that era of his life ended in murder. No, I'd rather learn from Moses' mistakes instead of live them--at least the best I can--because in the end, Moses died in sight of the Promise Land, having seen the backside of God's glory, having spent countless hours in personal conversation with the God of creation, and God personally defended and honored His servant. (Exodus 33:22, Numbers 12:5-8)

I wonder if Moses looked back on His life in the end and saw the big picture of the mission he had accomplished through God's power or rather if he simply viewed his life as saying one yes after another to his Lord, no big deal, just a simple life of obedience. You get a sense of his heart in Psalm 90 that even at the end of his life, he still felt like it wasn't enough. Maybe that's the truth I need to embrace...my mission will never feel complete until I'm rested in glory with my Jesus, sitting at His feet.

What is God calling you to do? What is He asking of you, right now? It may seem very insignificant, small, pointless, or meaningless, but GOD is asking you to do it.  Will you say yes? Make that phone call, send that text, smile at that random person? Remember, this is the God of the Bible who breathes life and meaning and symbolism into the simplest of things like a lamp stand or salt. (Matthew 5:13-14)

Will you say yes to the big, scary, difficult thing God is asking of you?  Will you stop ignoring His voice, putting Him off, and telling Him to wait for you to be ready? Who do you think you are anyway?!? Will you be missional and say yes to God, no matter what?

You are always simply one yes away from living the missional life God has called you to live! Decide now! In what way can you say yes to God today, right now? Your missions in life are dependent upon your yes to the only Person in all of History you can fully trust. It is His story after all. We just have the opportunity to be the messengers to tell it. Will you say yes?

And for those of you that are saying yes to God in the daily little things that seem insignificant in a world that always wants to put people in a spotlight, be encouraged!!! You ARE living a missional life. You ARE making a difference. You may not be on a stage with a microphone in your hand, but is that really what matters?  God is enough for you. Claim that promise and truth for yourself. Put it on a t-shirt and wear it for the world to see. God is enough. 

And I am convinced that one day, all of us missional children of God will look back on our lives, just like Moses, and feel like we didn't do enough, but that--praise Jesus!--living life for Him and with Him was worth every moment.  And friend, you will have lived a life like Moses, accomplishing great things for God, and never even have known it.  But those watching will know it, and by your life of saying yes, they will learn to live a life of saying yes to God, and that is maybe the greatest legacy any of us can leave behind, that is mission accomplished.