Jesus Still Shows Up

I've had a full on panic attack once in my life for sure. It drove me into the fetal position in the middle of the floor of my kitchen in tears after I had left messages with everyone at my husband's work that he needed to call me as soon as he landed. It was terrifying. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I couldn't think rationally. I was utterly out of control of my emotions. I never wanted to feel like that again.

So when I left a friend's house the other day, I was shocked when I could feel it happening again. This time it was the beginning of an anxiety attack, and I was driving down the highway. I needed to get a grip on life...and fast.

But the waves of thoughts streamed through my mind, one after the other. Relentless. Unstoppable...

Do you really think you're special? You're a terrible friend. That was totally awkward. Why would she want to spend time with you again? Look at you. All frazzled and second-guessing your every conversation. Of course no one's going to respond to your emails! Why would they? Some room mom you are. No one takes you seriously. You're on your own. And what about Joey? I mean what kind of wife are you? Always forgetting to send him those texts and notes he's asked for repeatedly. He probably feels completely unappreciated, and he should. Some wife you are. And your kids? Have you even taken time to see them? To enjoy them? So encompassing is your grief you can barely think of what to talk to them about. Forget parenting. That's a joke. Your kids are basically raising themselves at this point....

And the lies just.kept.coming. One after the other. Sucker punches taking my breath away. I could feel the tears well behind my eyes once more. My throat felt tight. My breathing had become fast. I was panicking. In that moment, I wanted to crawl into a dark hole. I wanted to do whatever it took to escape the voices. I couldn't escape the voices! The guilt! The condemnation.

"Dear Jesus what do I do?!?!"

And in the same moment I was contemplating pulling my car over and losing all composure on the side of the highway, the next thing I know my mind was cleared. Completely calmed. Hushed. At peace. My body physically relaxed, and my thoughts stilled.

My Jesus, who'd been there the whole time, raised His hands in the middle of my storm, and He made it stop. He calmed the sea. (Mark 4:39)

And in my spirit, I heard Him speak, "Lies. Why do you listen to the lies? That's enough. Be calm. Be still. Believe Me. I Am here. No one else matters. Just Me and you. You will never be enough, but I will always be Enough. Peace."

And I felt like I imagine the demon-possessed man felt upon being healed, clear of mind and able to discern truth. My shoulders straightened a bit. I took a deep breath of grace, and I immediately thought of the verse card that's been staring at me from my kitchen sink.

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I must have reached my limit. The temptation to give in and let the lies engulf me had become too great. In my weakness, my failure to stand strong and claim truth, my Jesus kept His Word. (2 Corinthians 12:10) He kept His promises to me, and in a split second of time, an inward battle that had been raging for months was ended. Just like that.

I wish I could tell you the war was over, but I'm still breathing, so I know that's not true. But His peace has lingered with me, guarding my mind even in the midst of my doubting Thomas outlook on life these days. (Philippians 4:7) So I am deeply grateful. Broken and weak, but grateful.

I had just wept the other morning, begging for Him to show up, to make Himself known, to prove once again He really was who He says He is. And then this incident happens.

Jesus still works miracles, my friends. He still calms the storms and casts out the demons. Just maybe not quite in the literal way we want or expect. He hears our honest prayers, and He still shows up.

How can I not be devoted and eternally endeared to a God who fights for me even when I'm fighting Him?!?!

Life happens. People hurt and grieve, and most of us will never know or understand the depth of the battle that rages inside each one of us. All I can do is tell my stories--the good, the bad, and the ugly--and let it be known that my God shows up. My Jesus calms the storms and keeps His promises. He casts out the demons and mends the broken-hearted. He carries the overwhelmed and challenges the underwhelmed. He speaks peace and life into torment and lies. Even the demons believe there is one God and shudder at His name (James 2:19); they beg His mercy (Mark 5:12). How much more will He willingly show mercy and kindness and goodness to me, His child, in my time of need? (Matthew 7:11)

Moving forward from this point, from this reset, it is imperative I keep my eyes on Christ. Not on anyone else but Him.

He will always be Enough for me. He can be Enough for you too.

Even Christians Have Bad Days

I wouldn't say the "other shoe dropped" or "it hit the fan" or any other silly euphemism that might be a little too dramatic, but last week was definitely a hard week.  I'm not going to blame it on any one thing in particular other than I lost too many battles last week--battles with my kids, my husband, our schedules, my hormones, my thoughts, etc. I felt alone, utterly alone. I felt my humanity.  My fleshly, worldly self was all too real last week.  I was wrapping my mind around all the things my six senses could process instead of the thousands of spiritual truths God has written on my spiritual mind and woven into my inmost being of who He says I am. (Psalm 139; Ephesians 1--"go-to" chapters for who God says I am in Christ.)

No, I just believed all the wrong voices last week.  I gave in, and I cried.  A LOT. I could probably still cry sitting here thinking about it. I was harsh with my children, with my husband, but mostly with myself. And it hurt.  Everything about where I am at this point in my journey in life just hurt, and I fully believed the lie that I was alone.  Completely alone. (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 28:20)

And even now as I type this, I can feel the battle raging on the inside.  Half of me is still feeling like that lie is truth.  The other half of me, the half that clings to the feet of my Jesus and wields the Sword of the Spirit in His strength alone, that half is fighting the lie, and honestly, in this moment, it's a draw as to who's winning. (Hebrews 4:12)

And so rages the war of the follower of Christ. (Romans 7)  To be a Christ-follower, a true "Christian" for lack of a better term--even though I dislike that term because it's so flippantly used to describe a body of people that do not always fit the Biblical definition--but to be a true Christian in this worldly, fleshly body is to battle daily, moment by moment. (Ephesians 6:12)

Some days we are so filled with the spirit of Christ that we appear to be Mother Theresa--kind, loving, gentle, humble, full of joy and hope and faith.  On those days, the enemy doesn't stand a chance. (Romans 8:14)

On other days, this sinful flesh our soul calls home on this earth beats us to within an inch of our lives.(2 Corinthians 4:9) The difficulties of a sinful world driven by sin-caused circumstances allowed as natural outcomes by a Sovereign God who lovingly won't make choices for us, but also lovingly doesn't always hold back the consequences of those choices, these difficulties cause us hurt, pain, suffering, loneliness, etc. etc. etc! The list goes on and THE LIST IS THE SAME as those who want nothing to do with Christ in their life.

I think what non-believers miss in all their judgement of Christians being judgmental is we hurt too. We struggle too.  We get angry.  We make mistakes--big ones.  We wear masks.  We mess up.  And yes, we judge others when we shouldn't.  There is not one thing a non-believer experiences on this earth that a Christian does not also experience. We are all human.

We are ALL human.  ALL.  The same ALL that have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.(Romans 3:23) And the truth is, we will continue to fall short of God's glory ALL the days we live and breathe on this fallen earth in this fleshly body. Sin really screwed everything up.(Romans 8:22) There is nothing new under the sun.(Ecclesiastes 1:9)  God's plan for mankind hasn't changed since the beginning of time. (Genesis 3:15) What He has spoken in the Bible, well, some has already come to pass, some is currently coming to pass, and all of it will come to pass.  Mark His words, not mine. (Matthew 24:35)

So in the moment when you, child of God, are having a no good, horrible, very bad day, you've lost the battle, you feel like you're losing the war, remember that as a follower of Christ, as a true Christian, you have something/Someone, those who don't believe do not possess.  YOU HAVE CHRIST!

Jesus Christ!  He is the one thing that separates the lambs from the goats, the redeemed from the condemned.(Matthew 25:31-46)  Your personal relationship with Him is what makes you different; it's what sets you apart from the world.(Hebrews 10:10)  And as far as your bad day goes, Jesus Christ is the only thing that makes you, makes me, different from anyone else in this world, and by George, if He didn't experience some of the worst days of us all?!??!?!?!?  He was rejected by his home town, abandoned by those who loved him in time of need, tortured within an inch of His life before He was murdered under false charges. (Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John)  Now those, those are some pretty bad days.  And He was the Christ.  Not a follower, He was God. (John 10:30)

And today, in the midst of your bad day, in the midst of my bad days, I remember that He IS the Christ. He IS God because He rose again.  On the third day, He rose again.(1 Corinthians 15:4)  And non-believers can scoff and say that I believe in a myth, a legend, that I base my life on the teachings of a "good" man, but He's the only man that's ever risen from the dead by His own power, and that's something. Believe it or not, that's something that no one else in history has ever claimed.

So that's something different. That's something amazing.  That's something that springs new hope in the driest of circumstances.  And if that's not enough, when you choose to grab a hold of that hope and actually believe that Jesus just might be the Someone or something missing from your life, and you start to believe, to have faith...wow!  A whole new world opens up because faith moves mountains.(Matthew 17:20)  Faith is the foundation for trust. Faith shields you from the flaming arrows of the enemy.(Ephesians 6:16)  And then, in just a small mustard seed of faith you find what grows is love because faith is planted in, watered by, and grows out of love. True love.  The most powerful of all the fruits of the spirit because God IS Love. (Galatians 5:22; 1 John 4:8)  He and Love are one and the same.  It is impossible to show true Love without showing other people God Himself.  (No wonder so many have such a twisted view of who God is.  We mess up showing His love all too often...) Faith, Hope, and Love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

They are powerful weapons in the arsenal of the Christian.  They are sadly too often misused.  Hence why non-believers have every reason to judge us for their misuse. Nevertheless, regardless of their misuse, in Christ, they are still ours to possess, to wield, to master. They cannot be fully possessed, wielded, or mastered by a non-believer.  I'm sorry.  That's just the way it is.  True Christians have the market on life-changing faith, hope, and love. In Christ alone, through Christ alone.  All these things do we possess! (Ephesians 1)

Everyone--but Christ alone--the world, the flesh, the enemy--they sell lies.  Fakes.  Ideas that feel like hope, that feel like faith, that feel like love.(John 10:10; John 8:44)  But Christ is not a feeling.  He is a Person.  He is God who walked this earth in human flesh over 2000 years ago. He is not a feeling.  If what you are currently clinging to is a feeling, you have bought the fake, my friend.  It's trade-in value at the end of time, at the end of your current struggle, is worthless. (Matthew 3:12)

No, my fellow Christians, the bad days will come.  They will.  We are all human.  Not until heaven will we escape the bad days.  And since Christ pretty much promised us suffering for His name's sake, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we may even have more bad days than our non-believing friends....here....on earth.(2 Timothy 3:12)  But oh the joy of heaven!!!  Oh the joy of ETERNITY with our Christ in His home, our true home.  The faith and the hope and the love for and in our Savior is what gets us through the bad moments, days, weeks, seasons of life.  Cling to that.

Cling to the simpleness of Psalm 119:151: "You are near, O Lord, and all Your commandments are truth." 

Period.  Simple.  To the point. Truth.  Not a lie.  No fuss.  No defense needed.  No more beating yourself up. No condemnation for those in Christ. (Romans 8:1) We will all have hard times, bad days, life-altering horrible moments. We will cry.  A LOT. And our feelings will change and fluctuate and fail us, but in Christ, we have a fixed point, a True North, a Center that does not move, does not change, and for Whom it is impossible to lie.(Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 6:18)

So I think the next time I have a bad day, a bad week, a hard season, I think I might just wallow through my days repeating the phrase, "But I have Christ.  I have Christ.  I have Christ."  And I might mumble it under my breath.  I might take it for granted.  I might roll my eyes and sigh and struggle to live out that truth. But maybe by repeating those words over and over again, my feelings will eventually fall in line with Truth.  It might take a while, but that's ok because after all, I'm only human.

I guess what I'm coming to realize is bad days are inevitable no matter how deep into God's Word you dive.  I think there's a lie in Christian culture we believe that the closer you get to Christ in your walk with the Lord, the lesser the number of bad days you should experience. That lie is based on my own pride in thinking that I could ever get good enough, holy enough, close enough to God to deserve to not have a bad day. So for me, my bad days humble me.  They break me.  They send me kneeling back at the feet of my big, Gracious God, seeking for His help and strength and guidance.

Bad days keep me humble.  They expose my weaknesses.  They remind me that God is enough, and He is all I need to weather the storm. None of me.  All of Him.

So throw yourself a heaping lifeline of grace the next time you're having a bad day.  God's grace is for us all, and in His name--in the name of Jesus Christ--all those who believe in Him will have Hope! (Matthew 12:21)